The Guardian - 21.08.2019

Section:GDN 12 PaGe:2 Edition Date:190821 Edition:01 Zone: Sent at 20/8/2019 17:27 cYanmaGentaYellowbla

• The Guardian
  Wednesday 21 August 2019

spectacular watermelon illusion

cake, she was eliminated in week

three of series eight, but proved the

best revenge is ... well, rapping , with

a slick performance of

Rapper’s Delight on the sister show

An Extra Slice.

Brendan Lynch , 63

Bake Off legend and series three

fi nalist Brendan’s gentle manner

masked a steely determination and

spectacular precision. Whether

oiling his forearms to stretch strudel

dough, wielding a set square and

tape measure with the rigour

of a Cern physicist or crafting

an exquisitely romantic biscuit

birdhouse, Brendan set the standard

for grace under pressure while often

clad in fl eece.

Norman Calder , 66

Series fi ve featured unfl appably

brilliant winner Nancy (60) and

Diana Beard (69) doing terrible

things to Iain’s baked Alaska, but

retired naval offi cer Norman Calder

and his lumpen, no-nonsense,

eminently achievable baking

captured our hearts. Overcoming his

suspicion of pesto and decorative

fl ourishes, Norman’s biscuit

showstopper “Zulu Boats at Dawn ”

sounded like a problematic 50s

fi lm, but was basically triangular

ginger biscuits on a blue base. Peak

Norman, that.

Emma Beddington

Carbon

off setting is

not the answer

It is a casting as hotly

anticipated as Strictly , but

with less sparkle and prurient

speculation on potential

couplings : the new Great

British Bake Off lineup has been announced.

That said, this year’s bakers are so young that the

tent could well become a canvas-covered Love

Island. With seven contestants in their 20s and

the oldest , HGV driver Phil, a mere 56 , the average

age is 31 , making it the youngest season by far. Will

the delicate GBBO souffl é rise without the magic

ingredient : older bakers?

Pass notes Shortcuts

Elton John has attacked the criticism

of the use of private jets by the Duke

and Duchess of Sussex – reportedly

four journeys in 11 days – by saying

he not only paid for the plane, but

also paid to off set its giant carbon

emissions.

The world of carbon off setting

fl ights – where you can pay to have

the equivalent of your emissions

“cancelled out” by projects that

lower or remove emissions, such as

reforestation – is not clear cut. While

some argue it is better than nothing,

others say it allows frequent fl yers to

assuage their guilt and the aviation

industry to grow.

“The idea that you can fl y ‘carbon

neutral’ is very misleading,” says

Roger Tyers, a research fellow at the

University of Southampton, who

studies attitudes to off setting and

recently made a work trip to China

by train. “A plane that fl ies today

emits carbon today. It’s very hard to

know how fast an off set can remove

that amount of carbon from the

atmosphere.”

It is possible to be appalled by the

tone of the attacks on the couple, on

Meghan especially, while wondering

if the pair couldn’t have made

Appearance: Irresistible.

Age: That would be telling! *BLOWS YOU A

KISS*

What? *BLOWS YOU A KISS*. You know, like

what emoji people do.

Yes, I know. It’s annoying. Doesn’t it make you

fi nd me slightly more ... attractive?

Your attractiveness has not changed. Oh. SAD

LITTLE YELLOW FACE WITH A TEAR ON ITS

CHEEK.

Why are you doing that? I can’t do emojis

on my keyboard, so I just have to type. SAD

LITTLE YELLO ...

No, who gave you the idea that emojis would

make me fancy you? Scientists.

Not them again. I’m afraid so. A study in Public

Library of Science O ne says that people like

us, who communicate only through short

passages of writing, fi nd it hard to reach deeper

levels of intimacy.

Annoying people have the same problem. Yes.

This study claims that emojis m ay bring more

aff ective or emotional content into messages,

which helps people who communicate by text

feel closer to each other.

How did they work that out? They asked single

people on dating apps whether they used

emojis or emoticons. The ones who said they

did were more successful than the others.

What do they mean “successful”? AUBERGINE

PEACH AUBERGINE PEACH AUBERGI ...

I see. Well you certainly communicated that

very clearly. “Our fi ndings suggest that emoji

use with potential partners is associated with

maintaining connection beyond the fi rst date,

and more romantic and sexual interactions

over the previous year.”

Were they all as crude as you? The study didn’t

look at their messages. The authors guess that

“the graphical nature of emojis suggest they

possess greater ability to convey the nuances

of aff ective communication”.

So nuances are sexy? Maybe. SLY WINK

Look, you’re sweet, but I just don’t feel that

way about you. You’re more like an irritating

younger sibling, or a pet. Oh. Thanks.

Can’t you send piles of emojis to someone else

instead? If the research is right, you will be up

to your eyeballs in “success”. Well, this is only

an association, sadly, so it may not work that

way. As the study says: “We cannot determine

whether more emoji use leads to more dates

and sex or vice-versa.”

So it might be that emojis are more popular

among already sexy people? It might.

I see. And we’ve n ot really used emojis much

before between us, have we? No. That’s true.

EXPRESSIONLESS FACE

Do say: “What could be sexier than a well-

judged smile and a wink?”

Don’t say: “Correct spelling and punctuation.

Maybe an Oxford comma at weekends.”

No 4,034

Sexy emojis

In praise of

Bake Off ’s

older bakers

“ I keep randomly shouting out

‘ broccoli’ and ‘ caulifl ower’ – I think

I might have Florets.” This one-liner

from the Swedish comedian Olaf

Falafel was voted the funniest joke

of the Edinburgh fringe. It is also the

only joke about Tourette syndrome

that has ever made me laugh.

I’ve had Tourette’s since I was

eight. I’m also a sucker for awful

puns, so Falafel’s slightly dubious

rhyme tickled me.

Not everyone found it funny. The

c omedian and activist Jess Thom,

who also has Tourette’s, called

Falafel’s joke “deeply unhelpful” ,

while Suzanne Dobson of the UK

charity Tourette s Action called on

anyone who laughed “to walk in the

shoes of somebody with Tourette’s

for a day ”.

I have felt burning rage at such

Joke about

Tourette’s.

Just be funny

Previous seasons have seen

contestants in their 60s and

older triumph over patisserie

pretenders young enough to be

their grandchildren – but also, more

importantly, bond with them in the

loveliest way. So, while we prepare

to fall in love with this year’s bunch

(because we will; we always do),

let’s remember some of Bake Off ’s

older heroes.

Val Stones , 66

Seemingly lost in a delightful world

of her own, Val danced as she baked,

claimed her cakes “s ang ” to her and

dropped almost everything without

ever losing her beatifi c smile. Since

leaving GBBO, she has received a

personalised message from her hero,

Ed Sheeran, and remained friends

with gloriously laidback Selasi (33),

which is exactly as it should be.

Howard Middleton , 51

The Alan Bennett of baking, Howard

combined endearingly dry humour

with a highly relatable anxiety at

uncooperative dough and mystery

technicals. He faced the (entirely

accidental) theft of his custard (who

could forget “Custardgate”) with

stoic dignity. A titan among bakers.

Flo Atkins , 71

Indefatigably perky scouser Flo

threw herself into baking after

her husband of 48 years died of

leukaemia. Despite creating a

From top: Flo,

Val, Howard,

Brendan and

Norman

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