Page 22 Daily Mail, Wednesday, August 21, 2019
When they reached
18, I’d had my fill
Liz Hodginkson,
writer.
AT THIS time of year,
many parents are
preparing to weep as
their children head
off to university. Some
say they never get over it.
Not me! If I shed any tears, they
were ones of joy and relief. I was
delighted when my two sons left to
go to college, two years apart, and
I did not miss either for a minute.
No more arguments, picking up
wet towels, sniffing around their
bedrooms for evidence of weed or
worrying if they had sneaked in a
girlfriend for the night.
No more giant shopping trips
only to find that overnight, they’d
invited eight friends round and
emptied the fridge, not to mention
the disappearing bottles of wine.
By the time they left aged 18, I’d
had my fill. They had been under
my feet and, in later years, towering
above my head, for long enough.
Animals push their young out of
the nest and don’t wait for them to
leave of their own accord. That is
the way of nature and I don’t
believe humans are that different.
Yet unlike animals, we can retain
a strong connection with our adult
young and my reward for not trying
to cling on to them is that we have
had a fantastic, non-dependent
relationship ever since.
I kind of miss
being adored!
Jenni Murray, writer/broadcaster.
THere is a wonderful moment in
a parent’s life when their son (we
have two and they’ve both done it)
invites them to dinner at a good
restaurant — one of their favourites
— and insists on paying the bill.
At last you’re through the agonies
of the teenage years — the exams,
the constant expense of replacing
outgrown clothes and enormous
shoes, the university anxieties —
and you know that they’re up
and off.
They’re working, independent,
happy, know how to do interesting
conversation and haven’t forgotten
who it was who backed them with
unconditional love and support.
But I can’t agree that the best
time to be with your children is
after they’ve left home. I was never
very good with babies who had
nothing to say for themselves or
toddlers with the terrible twos.
It was when they were between
six and ten that being with them
was constantly magical.
‘What did you do at school
today?’ was answered with excited
detail, full of tales
about friends, teach-
ers, books read, sto-
ries written, pictures
drawn.
So different from
the teenager’s
response to the same
question: ‘Not much!’
The six to ten-year-old child is
interested in everything: curious
and full of questions, conversation
and eagerness to please.
At night, as I tucked them up in
bed, I would read them a story,
give them a cuddle and a big kiss
‘Goodnight’ and never heard the
word ‘Yuk!’ from either of them.
Yes, my adult sons are kind and
clever, affectionate and lovely, but
when they were little they thought
I was the most wonderful person
in the world.
Now they know I’m flawed, just
like everyone else. I kind of miss
being adored!Seeing them now,
I know I did right
Bel Mooney, author,
journalist and
Daily Mail advice
columnist.
NAppIeS, bottles,
mushy food, toys,
food fads, packed
lunches, uniforms, homework,
tantrums, exams, tears... Aaaagh,
save me from being the mother of
babies, young children and teens!
Believe me, I never suffered from
‘empty nest’ syndrome, because I
was perfectly happy to wave my
beloved children goodbye. Woo-hoo,
now I can do what I want!
Don’t think my memories of their
childhood aren’t treasured. I look
at photos of them as babies and
children and go weak at the knees.
I adored my children — and still
do, now they are 45 and 39 and
parents themselves.
Dan and Kitty were the centre of
my life, though I also juggled a
career. I loved reading to them,
family holidays, our chats as they
developed their interests, then the
late-night dancing when I was very
good at playing the ‘bad’, fun mum
to a pair of heavy-partying teens.
When my marriage ended in 2003,
they were the mates I drank wine
and smoked cigarettes with,
talking till the small hours, sharing
support. Yet I look back at child-
rearing and remember the stress.
Lord, how tough it can be! How
do you know you’re getting it
right? How do you cope with
wanting to thump the boy who
hurt your daughter? How do you
convince your son that bloody
exam results don’t matter?
What about the anguish of seeing
them make wrong choices, knowing
you can’t prevent their mistakes orpain? No, the best time to be a
parent is now, when I’m more
contented than ever in my life.
Both married somebody I admire
and love; they each have two
adorable children; I see what
terrific adults they have become, as
well as good parents — and I know
I must have done something right.
My adult son and daughter live
nearby and I celebrate every
minute of this present life — each
of us free, yet miraculously
connected forever.Gaping hole is now
a creative space
Celia Dodd, author.
Are parents really
happier after their
children leave home?
Not if the mothers
and fathers I inter-
viewed for my book,
The empty Nest, are to be believed.
When each of my three left I felt asif I’d lost a part of me. I certainly
wasn’t happy — in fact I was more
miserable in my empty nest than
I’ve ever been in my whole life.
I didn’t care that there was more
time and less laundry, I just
yearned to get that cosy era of
family life back. It wasn’t so much
the stroppy teenager I missed as
the blond-haired toddler who used
to clasp my hand on the beach.
The reality of family life was
tetchy rather than cosy, and my
memories are of sitting bored by
the swings, or stressed out in A&e
(we were regular visitors) or
endlessly checking my phone when
a teenager wasn’t home by 3am.
It doesn’t sound very happy. And
it’s true there was as much tedious
sock-sorting as joyful cake-baking.
But it was life-enhancing in so
many ways. I loved it all, even the
worst bits.
So it’s hardly surprising that it’s
taken me a few years — my kids
are now 34, 32 and 27 — to get a
handle on the happiness promisedWe ’ r e s o
weepy
about
our sad
empty
nest
Is it really true that
our children when
Read these parents’
confessions and see
THE milestones are as magical
as the exhaustion is unending.
No one ever said that parenting
was easy.
But now a study has found that
having children does make you
happy — although only afteryour offspring have left home.
So is it true that a parent is
happiest when faced with an
empty nest?
Our panel of leading writers
reveal the favourite time in
their parental lives...