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Daily Mail, Wednesday, August 21, 2019(^) TELEVISION
FILM CHOICES
Trust No One, 2.15pm, Ch5
IT BORROWS its title from the tagline used
by The X Files, but there’s not an alien in
sight. Instead, it’s a flimsy crime thriller
about a District Attorney who seeks help
from a forensic accountant when a key
witness is murdered ahead of the trial.
Nicole de Boer and Scott Gibson star.
Dirty Harry, 10pm, ITV4
ONE OF Clint
Eastwood’s
defining roles,
this first in a
series of five
films introduces
his taciturn
‘Dirty’ Harry
Callahan
(pictured), an
unorthodox San
Francisco police
detective who’d
rather do things
his way. On the trail of a sniper serial
killer, Harry is in no mood for punks.
p
ail ofasniperserial
Now that’s real courage... taking
off in a supersonic flying laptop!
PALE IMITATION OF THE NIGHT:
BBC execs have boiled with
jealousy as ITV2 gobbled up
ratings with Love Island. Their
retort is Heartbreak Holiday
(BBC1), with lots of soul-searching
going on instead of raunchy sex.
It won’t be half as popular.
W
eLL, that’s cal-
culated to fill us
with confidence.
When the raF’s
brand new
£9 billion Lightning super-
fighter malfunctions, the
ground crew perform a fix by
switching it off and on again.
Very high-tech, i must say. Pull the
plug out and cross your fingers.
as something of an electronics
whizz myself, who has tried the
‘switch-it-off-and-on’ routine with
countless tellies and PCs over the
years, may i offer our flying
gladiators another tip? try yelling
at it: ‘Oh come on, you wretched
bloody machine, just work... you
hateful piece of junk!’
the Lightning did get airborne, on
Fighter Pilot: The Real Top Gun (itV),
but the squadron leader looked
mortified. he was left muttering
something about ‘ongoing
upgrades’ and ‘evolving software’.
i’d be terrified to lift off in a flying
laptop still prone to screen freezes
and programming bugs. if the oper-
ating system goes down, it does it
at Mach One... more than 700mph.
now that’s a computer crash.
the fearless men and women
training to fly the thing seemed
barely perturbed.
For sheer insouciant courage,
there’s no one better than a fighter
pilot, and it was the characters in
the cockpit — part defender of the
realm, part matinee idol — that
made this documentary fly by.
When visiting my parents in
snowdonia, i’ve often watched the
jets from raF Valley making low
altitude training runs, skimming
over the roads and lakes, way below
the mountain peaks.
Flying instructor Bassy explained
the rule for maintaining a safe
height: ‘if you can see the legs of
the sheep, you’re too low.’
another of Bassy’s sayings will
resonate only with viewers of a
certain age. Counting off four
seconds before a barrel roll, he
intoned calmly, ‘One banana, two
banana, three banana, four banana.’
if that made you want to sing,
‘nah-nah-nah, na-na nah nah!’
then you grew up watching the
Banana splits on saturday
morning tV in the seventies.
all pilots from novices to aces need
a nickname. We met Butch, Paddles,
sedge, Bally and Danners. that
last one was short for Danielle and
she was the only woman in the
group, a former helicopter jockey
married to an airline pilot.
While her hubbie is ferrying hen
parties to Magaluf, she’s dropping
emergency aid supplies in war
Fighter Pilot: The Real Top Gun HHHHI
Inside The Tower Of London HHHII
CHRISTOPHER
STEVENS
LAST NIGHT’S TV
zones or simulating bombing
runs on petro-chemical plants. i
bet Danners is wary about the
question: ‘Did you have an
interesting day, dear?’
every day for the Beefeaters
guarding the Crown Jewels is an
interesting one, by the look of
Inside The Tower Of London (C5).
‘We’re jovial bearded tour guides.
there is that Disney element,’
admitted one Yeoman Warder.
Unlike the cartoon costumes
at Disneyland Paris, the red
tunics of the Beefeaters are
designed with comfort in mind.
they have deep pockets —
ideal for concealing a bottle of
gin, confided one veteran. his
distinctive hat, like a squashed
topper, served a secret purpose
too: he kept his glasses in it.
every one was plainly proud to
do a job he loves (or she — two
are women). their role is a
marvellous mix of soldier and
performer, with a splendid
uniform and a captive audience.
no wonder no one wants to
quit — just 404 Yeoman Warders
in the history of the tower.
this surprisingly informative
series captures the love of duty
and history all the Beefeaters
share. But being a national celeb
has its pitfalls. several are
watching their figures.
‘You know what,’ remarked
the tailor, busily adjusting
their tunics, ‘they’re vain and
summer’s coming.’
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Milkshake! Peppa Pig (R,HD) 6.05
Peppa Pig (R,HD) 6.10 Peppa Pig (R) 6.15 Ben
and Holly’s Little Kingdom (R) 6.30 Olly the
Little White Van (R,HD) 6.35 Noddy: Toyland
Detective (R,HD) 6.45 Fireman Sam (R,HD)
6.55 Thomas & Friends: Big World! Big
Adventures! (R,HD) 7.05 Shane the Chef
(R,HD) 7.20 Peppa Pig (R,HD) 7.30 Peppa Pig
(R,HD) 7.40 Top Wing (R,HD) 7. 5 5 Paw Patrol
(R,HD) 8.05 Digby Dragon (R,HD) 8.20 Little
Princess (R) 8.40 Shimmer and Shine (R,HD)
8.55 Floogals (R,HD) 9.10 Sunny Bunnies (HD)
9.15 Jeremy Vine (HD)
11.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors
(AD,R,HD)
12.10 5 News Lunchtime (R,HD)
12.15 Big Week at the Zoo (R,HD)
1.10 Access (HD)
1.15 Home and Away (AD,HD)
1.45 Neighbours (AD,HD)
2.15 Trust No One (2016) (PG) ● (HD)
Thriller, starring Nicole de Boer
See Critics’ Choice.
4.00 Friends (R,HD)
4.30 Friends (R,HD) Carol gives birth.
5.00 5 News (HD)
5.30 Neighbours (AD,R,HD) A full-scale
catfight between Roxy and Harlow
is in progress when former
Erinsborough regular Gail arrives.
6.00 Home and Away (AD,R,HD)
Mackenzie returns.
6.30 5 News Tonight (HD)
7.00 Building Britain’s Railways
with Chris Tarrant (R,HD)
Chris examines the devastating
impact of the Beeching report.
(Followed by 5 News Update)
8.00 Big Week at the Zoo (HD)
Yorkshire Wildlife Park welcomes
the arrival of a baby aardvark,
and at Knowsley Safari Park,
a male and female Amur tiger
are introduced for the first time.
(Followed by 5 News Update)
9.00 Casualty 24/7 (HD) Doctors in
the accident and emergency
department treat a patient in
cardiac arrest, and a cyclist is
rushed into hospital after a head-
on collision with a metal gate.
10.00 All You Can Eat: Secrets of the
World’s Mega Buffet (R,HD)
Cameras reveal how one of
the biggest restaurants in the
UK can feed people as much
as they want for a set price
and keep their business booming.
11.05 Inside McDonalds: The 300
Billion Dollar Burger (R,HD)
The history of the fast food chain,
examining its origins, its spread
from the U.S. to other nations,
and the controversies that
beset the company in the 1990s.
12.05 Spank Me Harder: The Sex
Business (R,HD) 1.00 The 21.co.uk
Live Casino Show (HD) 3.00 Access
(HD) 3.10 Gotham: Rise of the Villains
(AD,R,HD) 4.00 Ben Fogle: New Lives
in the Wild (R,HD) 4.45 House
Doctor (BSL,R) 5.10 House Doctor
(BSL,R) 5.35 Wildlife SOS (BSL,R)
(^) ▲ Particularly liable to offend
WELSH TV VARIATIONS
BBC1: 1.30pm BBC Wales Today; Weather.
6.30 BBC Wales Today; Weather.
10.25 BBC Wales Today; Weather.
ITV: 1.20pm News Cymru Wales; Weather.
8.00 Missing. A man disappeared without a trace,
but his family are living in hope he can be found.
S4C: 6.00am Cyw. 12noon Newyddion S4C a’r
Tywydd. 12.05 Ar y Bysus. 12.30 Heno. 1.00 Iolo ac
Indiaid America. 2.00 Newyddion S4C a’r Tywydd.
2.05 Prynhawn Da. 3.00 Newyddion S4C a’r Tywydd.
3.05 Fferm Ffactor: Selebs. 4.00 Awr Fawr:
Meripwsan. 4.05 Awr Fawr: Jambori. 4.15 Awr
Fawr: Patrol Pawennau. 4.30 Awr Fawr: Sam Tan.
4.45 Awr Fawr: Sbarc. 5.00 Stwnsh. 6.00 Newyddion
S4C a’r Tywydd. 6.05 Byd o Liw: Arlunwyr: James
Harris. 6.30 Codi Pac. 7.00 Heno. 8.00 Pobol y
Cwm. Mathew becomes the new owner of a
controversial item left in a relative’s will.
8.55 Chwedloni: Cwpan Rybgi’r Byd. 9.00
Newyddion 9 a’r Tywydd. 9.30 Iolo Williams:
Mwnciod Cudd China. 10.35 Clasuron Cwpan y Byd.
FILM
CHOICE