THE BARNACLE: An
acquaintance who wants to get
too close too fast. Known for
persistent DMs, daily texts, and
liking 12 of your Instagram
photos in rapid succession.
Don’t be this person. And if a
barnacle latches on to you,
disengage until they move on
to a more willing host.Terms and Conditions
Our unscientific glossary for friendship’s modern age.FOBBO (Fear of Being
Boxed Out): Watching
two friends fawn over each
other on social media
and experiencing the panic-
inducing realization that
they might like each other
more than you. Instead
of spitefully shunning both,
nurture your relationships
with each.GPS SISTERHOOD:
Friendships that are
situational—whether
job-, school-, or
neighborhood-based—
and die off when the
necessary conditions
change. This happens.
It’s nobody’s fault.
Enjoy the relationship
while it lasts.ANTISOCIAL
BUTTERFLY:
A classic extrovert who
actually has few
ultraclose pals. Reach
out to her for one-
on-one time, when she
can let down
her guard a bit.THE DAVID COPPERFIELD:
A disappearing act in which
someone becomes
progressively more difficult
to reach via text and email
until they disappear entirely.
Similar to ghosting but more
gradual. There are countless
benign reasons you may
be Copperfielded, so try not
to take it (too) personally.PANDORA’S EMAIL: An
incendiary message that delves
into all the faults of
a friend you’re angry at—which
you accidentally send directly
to said friend. Do damage
control by picking up the
phone and calling ASAP to
apologize, explain, and
prostrate yourself. Do not add
more textual fuel to the fire.@OPRAHMAGAZINE SEPTEMBER (^201997)
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