author of The How of Happiness. “ Wh a t ’s
most important is that you love, nurture,
and support your kids, not that you catch
every great thing they do.”
And science says we should ditch
the guilt: A large study from Harvard
Business School published last year
found that kids of working moms grow
up to be just as happy as children
of nonworking moms. In another study
from the Families and Work Institute,
kids of working parents were asked: If
you had just one wish that could change
the way your parents’ work life affects
your life, what would it be? Although the
parents assumed that their kids wanted
more time with them, the kids actually
wished their parents were “less stressed
and tired.” The takeaway: What matters
isn’t the minutes that we miss but
how happy and relaxed we are in the
ones we catch in person. Here’s how
to approach your family time to make it
more rewarding for everyone.Practice real-world
mindfulness.
Research has shown that a secret to
contentment is simply taking the time to
notice and enjoy the small pleasures
in your day—whether that’s the cute way
your child mispronounces a word or her
excitement about taking off her training
wheels. “Savoring is really, truly living
in the present moment and extracting the
maximum positive emotions from thatmoment,” says Dr. Lyubomirsky. You can
also reconsider the way you perceive
a situation. When you walk in the door,
are you feeling grateful that you had a
relatively easy commute and at least the
little ones are already in their pj’s, even
if the living room is a mess? Or are you
still obsessing over a workplace tiff and
guilty that you missed bathtime? “Focus
on the now,” says Dr. Lyubomirsky,
because thinking about regrets or other
negative emotions will only make you
more anxious and overwhelmed.
If you have trouble shifting gears,
congratulations—you’re human. “It’s very
hard to go from the rush of work demands
to the rush of kid demands and expect
to be 100 percent,” says Kate Rope, author
of Strong as a Mother: How to Stay
Healthy, Happy and (Mostly) Sane From
Pregnancy to Parenthood. Some parents
find that listening to a podcast or an
audiobook in the car on the drive home
or doing a three-minute meditation in
the driveway before walking in the front
door helps them reset. You can find
inspiration from apps like Headspace,
Calm, or Stop, Breathe & Think.The goal shouldn’t be
nonstop bonding.
Part of the antidote to “Argh, there
a ren't enough hours in the day!” may be
to lower your own bar. “It doesn’t
take very much to connect with a child,
timewise,” says Rope. “Ten good
minutes can change a whole week.”
And good minutes don’t have to mean
endless rounds of Connect 4 or long
heart-to-heart talks. You could quiz
your kid for his science test. Isn’t it the
ordinary hum of a home routine that
makes us all feel comfortable and safe?Find little ways to feel
less pressured.
If you don’t want to buy yourself time
by subcontracting out household chores,
consider how you might streamline
your to-dos. I’ve been known to unload
only half the clean dishes from the
dishwasher so I could quickly get the dirty
dinner plates in and done (shh!). Others
find it’s not about cutting corners soPARENTS 130 SEPTEMBER 2019
LIFEÑAdvice