Recognize the issue.
Kids this age often whine because
they’re experiencing an uncomfortable3 –4 YEARS
HOW TO
Wipe Out
Whining
by REBECCA FELSENTHAL STEWARTbrother or sister. Parents tend to excuse
their 1- or 2-year-old’s lack of social
skills, but this approach often backfires;
it can cause a younger child to believe
she has free rein and make an older child
jealous. Rather than overlooking
bad behavior, guide your toddler toward
taking turns and model how to be
considerate and polite. Gently remind
her not to grab toys, and promote
patience by saying things like, “Your
sister is playing with the blocks right
now, but if you stay calm, she’ll let you
have them when she’s done.” Even
if she doesn’t fully grasp your words,
she’ll pick up on the tone.
Foster teamwork.
Since siblings often see themselves as
adversaries who are competing for your
affection, put them in situations where
they can become partners. Anything that
makes a toddler feel included and an
older sibling feel protective will build
their bond. When your toddler needs
help putting on his sneakers, for example,
you might say, “Ask Zack—he’s really
good at getting shoes on.” This encourages
your toddler to trust his big sib, who’ll
then feel important. Another unifying
tactic: See if they can clean up their
toys together before a timer goes off. Cheer
them on and let them know they make
a great team.
Don’t aim for equality.
Just because you want to be fair to your
kids doesn’t mean you should treat them
exactly the same. A toddler and an older
emotion and simply don’t know how
to express themselves in another way.
By using that plaintive voice, your
child is trying to tell you that he’s feeling
unsettled and wants you to address
his discomfort. Just as you used to try
to feed, change, or soothe him when
he cried as a baby, think about what he
might need when he whines: a snack,
a nap, a book, or maybe just a hug.Find a distraction.
Sometimes the situation demands
a quick fix. If you’re checking out in
a crowded grocery store and your
daughter won’t stop whining for candy,
say, “That looks really yummy, doesn’t
it? But it’s not good for your teeth.”
Then lift her up, away from the treat,
and say, “Could you give these crackers
to the cashier and then help me put
the card in the machine?” One reason
kids whine is that they feel powerless,
so asking her to assist you lets her feel
she has a purpose.Give him a hug.
If your little one is having an unusually
hard time, take him aside and have
a good snuggle. If he breaks down and
starts crying, that might be exactly
what he needs to do to let go of whatever
is bothering him. He may even tell
you what’s wrong so that you can help
him work through it. If not, showing
him that he is safe and heard can help
bring him out of that whiny place,
and make him feel better and act in a
more reasonable manner.Create a special routine.
Focusing on your connection is one of
the best ways to prevent whining. With
regular one-on-one time, you can help
your child build up the reserves she needs
to handle stress better. Having a “hello”
ritual can also be beneficial. When you
pick her up from preschool, give her a
big hug and kiss, and say, “I missed you
and can’t wait to hear about your day!”
Make her feel noticed and appreciated
before you rush off to do whatever comes
next. It may be just enough to keep her
from entering the whine zone in the
first place.
Sources : Ashley Taylor, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist
in Pasadena, California; Laura Markham, Ph.D.,
author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.ANYTHI NG THAT
MAKES A TODDLER FEEL
INCLUDED AND AN
OLDER SIBLING FEEL
PROTECTIVE
WILL BUILD THEIR
BOND.
sibling have different developmental
abilities, needs, and wants. Resist the
urge to let your toddler ride her big
sibling’s scooter or stay up past her
bedtime because she might miss out
on the fun. Instead, carve out some
personal time together to read or play.Respect possessions.
Forcing your toddler to share his favorite
things can undermine his feelings of
security and make him resent his siblings.
It’s crucial for kids to have some things
that are off-limits, especially to older
brothers or sisters. You might arrange
for each of your kids to fill a basket of
toys that are “just his,” or set up separate
play areas. Your toddler already has to
share your attention—and lots of other
things—with his siblings. Giving him some
control will help him feel more confident
and less competitive.Make up fun games.
Let your little one use blocks to make
a pretend campfire while your big kid
sets up a makeshift blanket fort. Or
suggest that your older child pretend to
be a librarian who checks out books
while her little “customer” loads the bag.
If a conf lict arises, give them a chance
to figure things out on their own, as their
interactions will lay the foundation for
a deep and lasting relationship.
Sources: Lisa Hanson, coauthor of The Siblings’
Busy Book; Jan Drucker, Ph.D., professor of
psychology at Sarah Lawrence College, in Bronxville,
New York; Anastasia Gavalas, author of Wing It:
6 Simple Steps to Succeed as a Modern Day Parent;
Adele Faber, coauthor of Siblings Without Rivalry.