Parents – September 2019

IN EVERYDAY LIFE, there are not that many obvious

differences between parenting in Germany and in

America. Differences depend more on parents’ social

class, education, and environment. The biggest one is that

in Germany, there are government policies that support

families, like subsidized child care and longer maternity

leaves. It is easier to be working parents in Germany than

in America, and there is way less financial pressure.

But one thing that is different, and that I like, about

parenting here is that there is more display of national

pride. In Germany, because of our history, it is still often

frowned upon to state that we are proud to be German.

I think it is healthy for children to know where they

come from and to express gratefulness for their country,

even as they learn about painful aspects of the past.

There is also a heightened sense in America that

people can and should make a difference. There

are many ways for American children to express their

activism and sense of community. It’s not quite as

common for kids in Germany to do things like volunteer

at a food bank or make their concerns political. On the

f lip side, here, from the baby years on, kids are

bombarded with slogans like “Let her sleep, for when

she wakes, she will move mountains,” which I feel puts

unrealistic expectations on a child.

BACK IN INDIA, my

husband and I were very

social and would mingle

with family and friends. I

grew up close to my

grandparents and cousins,

and I have lots of sweet

memories from that time.

However, everyone was

from the same region and

followed similar customs.

We moved to the United

States in 2013 when my

daughter was 4½ months

old, and I love how we’ve

met all different people.

I’ve come to know about so

many traditions from all

over the world. I’ve tasted

some new cuisines, and I

now know about different

countries. I know growing

up here will expand my

daughter’s perspective.

But there are positives

and negatives to everything.

We’re happy my daughter

is learning things, but we

also tell her, “Don’t forget

where you are from; don’t

forget who you are. You can

adopt new traditions, new

religions, but don’t forget

our Hindu ones.”

Living in the United

States has also affected my

daughter’s relationship

with her father and my

relationship with my

husband. In India, we often

live with our parents and

with our grandparents,

sometimes even after

marriage. The father is

considered the head of the

family, so all the important

decisions are made by him.

Women are responsible

for domestic duties and

child-care tasks. We

depend on our parents for

everything until we get

our first job, and our

parents play a major role in

making decisions about our

lives, like who we should

marry and what we should

study in school. This is

starting to change in

modern Indian culture, but

there are still many families

like this in rural areas.

But here it is different,

and children are more

independent and free to

make their own decisions

from a very young age.

In our family, we are now

half-modernized and

half-traditional. My

husband still makes many

decisions, but whatever

the main decision is,

we discuss it together.

Hanna Simmons

Immigrated from Munich, Germany;

now lives in Boulder, Colorado

MOM TO THREE DAUGHTERS, AGES 8, 7, AND 2

Sruthi Chittoory

Immigrated from Bangalore, India;

now lives in Atlanta

MOM TO ONE DAUGHTER, AGE 6

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.

PARENTS 42 SEPTEMBER 2019

KIDSÑVa lues