MOTOR

(Darren Dugan) #1

SKID


MARKS


The problem with dogma is it can come back to bite you


David Morley


Much as


it grieves


me to say so,


the old bugger


Cockburn was


right all along


M


it


me


the o


Cock


righ


T


ime to come clean: I’ve been wrong about a couple of
things lately. Yeah, yeah, I know. But don’t you want
to hear what things?
Okay, so the first one was an argument Cockburn
and I have been having for about a decade. I’ve been trying
to convince him hydrogen fuel-cell technology is the way
forward, while he’s been championing the cause of the
skateboard-construction battery-powered electric car as
the wheels of the future. And much as it grieves me to
say so, the old bugger was right all along.
I’m not going to rule out a future purple patch
for fuel-cell technology, but having driven the
Tesla Model S recently, I have to admit that
the electric skateboard is probably where we
are going.
Damn, that Tesla’s a good thing. It
rewrites the book on acceleration. No
waiting for a turbo to spool up or revs
to build and suddenly make the most of
whatever camshaft is fitted. Nope, you floor
the go-pedal from a standing start – or any
speed you wish – and the headrest smacks you in
the back of the scone. Forget Gs, this is Geez!
Meanwhile, you also get the many other advantages
ol’ Cockburn has been banging on about. Stuff like the
ability to put any body style on the platform – maybe even
multiple bodies for one chassis. And the low centre of gravity
and the mass centralisation and the yada, yada, yada.
The second thing I’ve been holding at the wrong end for
years now is the theory that a Porsche 911 with a PDK
transmission will never be a proper 911. If you took my
previous stand at face value, then probably the worst thing that

s


es


so,


gger


was


gg


long


could happen to society was a GT3 without a clutch pedal.
It wasn’t just that such a thing wouldn’t, or couldn’t, be a
pukka 911 without a driver-operated clutch; it might also be
my favourite-ever Porsche – in fact my favourite-ever car –
without the third pedal.
But, of course, that’s exactly what’s happened with the latest
991 version of the GT3. And, equally of course, I was wrong.
I still think the new GT3 is a bit on the beefy side, and
a quick check of the specs reveals it is indeed wider
and longer than the original Porsche 928 of 1977
and within 20kg of that behemoth’s 1450kg
weighbridge ticket. But the argument that the
seven-speed PDK is the wrong gearbox for the
thing goes right out the window on your first
lap of a race track.
This was brought home to me when one
of the other hacks – who’d previously been
on the receiving end of my anti-PDK rants


  • asked me, very tellingly, whether I had, at
    any point in my 30-odd laps of Queensland
    Raceway in the GT3, imagined the experience
    would have been improved by having a clutch
    pedal in the footwell? More specifically, did I
    think the experience had been tarnished by the PDK
    transmission? The answer to both questions was the same:
    absolutely not. Bugger.
    So there you go, two swings and two misses. This is probably
    why I don’t work in the future products department of a major
    car maker. Mind you, I probably should have seen it coming.
    As I’m sure Cockburn would be happy to point out to me, the
    electric car of the future won’t have a gearbox at all, let alone a
    previous stand at face value, then probaabbly the worst thing that clutch pedal. M


transmission will never be a proopepr 91 1.If you tookmy
previousstandat facevaluethenprobabablbytheworstthing

a issionwillneverbe apooppr youoo y

years now is the theory that a Porsche 911 with aPDDK
trtrananannsmsmmmmmisissionsionoonnwwwill neill nenneeveveeerrbbbebeeeaaapppprorooooppppepppeeer91r91 9911 IIffyou toyouoo tooookoookkmmmmmmyy

ya owwisisthe thethe theoororyyththatataaPoorsc w a DD

The second thiingng I’ve been hololdidingng at the wronng gend fofor
yyeyeeearaarssnonooowwwisisisisttttheheheheeettttheheheeeeoroororooryyyyththththatatatataaaaPPPPPPorscorscorscooorschehehee 99999911111111 wwwwitithhaaaPDPDPPPPPDDDDKKKKK

odt ggI’vveebeeenhoodd ggatthewroggendoo

and dthe mass centralisation and the yadad, yada, yada.
ThThhheeeeseseeecocooonndnndddtthihhihngngnngggI’ve beI’ve beeebbeeeenenennhhhhololooooololdidddidididnngnngngnngggat theat thea hheewrwrwoonononnngggggggeneneennddddff

addthemasssscentrentralalisatioisatioonnanandd eeyyada,,yada,,yada

muultltipiplle boddies for one chassis. And thelowcentre ofggravity
andthemasscentralisationandtheyadayadayada

g
anaadddtheeeeemamamassssssccenceneetraltralr isisatationionoo andandddththeeeeyayaddadddayayadaddayaadadda

u pp bbodies sfor one chasasis. Ad t ow oggav

abbililitiy to put any body style on thepplalatftform – maaybeevenn
mummmmmumltltltltipipipipppplleleleebbbbodododooododdddiieiieeesfosfoooronronoonneeeechchhhasasasisissAAAAAndndnnddtthhehheeelowlowoowcceneenenntrtreeeeofooofggggraavity

ab ytooppututaanyybbbodyyststylyleeoonont paao ayb v

ol Cockburn has been baangngining gon abobout. Stuff likethe
abababbiilililitityyytototoooppppututututaaaanynynyybbbbbbodoodooddddyyyyststststylylyyleeeeeeon ton tooon ton theheheeepppplalalaaaatftftftforooormmm–––mamaaybybybbeeeeeeevevveeenen

o Cockburn has been bag ggo aboou. Su

MeMeanwhwhile, you also gegt the many othher advdvananntatatagegegess
ololoo’CoCooockckkkkbubbbubbbbrnrnnnhhhhasasabbbbeeeeeeeennnnbababbaangngngnnnngngggininininnnnnggggon aoon aboutonnabobbooout.StStufufffliliikekekkeeetthhehheee

awil you aoou alslsoooggttttheeemamaanyyyoo eradvaa aaggggee

the back of the scone. Forrgeget Gs, thisisGeez!
MMeMeMeMeeeeaaananwhwhhililileeeeeyyoou aou aou aouo alsolsolsolsooogegggeeettttththththeeeeeemamamamanynynynyooooooththhherereeereraaaadvdddvaanann

back of the scone. Foggt G, G

sppeeed you wish – and the heaaddrest smacksyououiinn
thebackofthesconeForrgegetGsthisis Geez!

s d uwish andt ss s
ththheeebbabackckkofooothhheeeescscoononneeeFForoorggggegegeetGsthhhisisGeeeeeez!

p dyouuwiwshsh–aanddthe haadestsmaac you

the gopedal from a stanandidingng start or any
spsspppeeeeeeeeeeeedddddyyoyooouuuwiwiwiwishshshsh–a–a–aandndndndddthe hthe htthe hee eaeaeeeeaeaaaddddddrddreeesesestsmtsmtsmacacaacksksk yyyooooo

gopedal from a stadd gg sa o ay

whatever cammshshaft is fitteted. Nopope, youflooororr
thtthhheeeegogoggoo-ppppeedeedddddalal fafrorooommmmmmastasta ananannnnndiddddidididnnngngnngnnggstastaartrt––oooorrananannyy

wa vercca atis d oopp you ooo

to build and sududdeenlny maakek themost of
whwwhatataeeeveverereecccamaamshshshhaafaaafttttisisffitittetteteeeddddNNNoopoooopopopppeeeeyyooououfflolooo

obuild andsudd y aa oso

wawaititinininnggg g fofor a turbo to spoool up or revs
ttotooobbbbuiuiuildldlddddandandaanndnddsssududududddddeddededeeeennnnlnlyyymmmmamamaaaakkkkekkeeetthehhheheeemmmmmmmosososootttoofofofof

wawwaaitit ggggfofoorratuaturbrbootoospooooluppororev

rewrites the book on acceleration. No
wawawwwawitititininnggggggfofofooorrraaatututurborborbbboootototooossspopppopoooooolololuupuppppor revor revoororeveess

sthebookonacceleration.No

Damn, thatat TTeseslala’ss aagggoooooodthd thinining.g IItt
rereeewrwrwititeesese tthheheheebbbbooooooookkkooononnnaaacccceeleleerereeatataioiooonn.nnNNNNoooo

Damn,thatTeeeslasaggggoooooodddt ggg

are gogoining.
DaDaDDDaaamnmmn,,thththaaa

are gogo g

the electric ssskateboard is probaablbyy wwhere wwe
aararareeeeeggoggogoooooininininnnngggg

a boad pobaabb

Tesla MoModdel S recently, I have to admmit that
thttheeleeelelecectrectrtricicicskassateeeebobobbardardisis pprorobabababablbblbyywhwherereewee

sa oodd S c a oad a

for fuelcell technoololgygy, but havingng driven the e
TeTeTeeeslslaslaaMaMoMoMoMMMMMoMMMooodedddedededeelllSreSSrereeecececeeenntnnntntlylylyy,IIIhahhhahaavevveveeetototooadadadadddddmmmmmmmimmimttththhhatat

o uelcelltechoogy,bu,bubtthaaaviviv ggddriventhe

Im not gogoining gto rule out a future pururplpe paaatctcthh
foffooorfurfueleele-c-celeleellteteeechchchnonooooololololoooogggggyggyg bbubbutthahaavivivingnggggddddriveriveeennthetheee

ot gogo ggto rule out a future puupe paaa

say so, the old buuggeer was rigighht all aloongng.
I’IImmmmnommnnonoottggogoggogoooiniininnnngggggtotooorruleuleeeoououottaafuafufutututurerereeeppppururrplplppppppleeeepapppa

sayso odbuugg wwaass gg aaa aog

the wheels of the future. And much as it griieves me to
sayso theoldbuuggggerewasrigghthall aloongn

i
sasaayyysososooothththeeeeeololooolddddbbbuuggggggggggereeeeewwwas ras rigiggghthall aall alooooongngg

w o uu d u a g v o

skatebeboaordconstruction baattterypowered electric car as
thewhheelsofthefutureAndmuchasitgrievesmeto

s s s
ththheeewhwhheeeeeelsooofthehheefutureeeAnAAnAnddmuchdmmmm hhaas itgggriee meeto

a boad o u o ba ypow d aa

forward, while hes been chaampmpioiningg the cause of the
skskskaatataatteebebebeeebebbbbooaoaooardrdrdrdd-con-con-conconooststststruction baruction baruction baruction baoo bbtttttereeererery-poy-poypoy-poppoowered electrwweredweredeeeeddeeleleeececetrtriciciccarcar acar aass

orward, while hes been ca po gg the cause o

to convince him hydrrogogeen fuelcell technolologogy is the wayyy
fofofooorwrward,rward,wardarddwwwwhihhilehleeehe s behe’shhee bbbeeeeeeeneneennchachhhaampmpmpmpmmmmmmmmppppiioioioonnining thennnnggggthehheeccauauauuseseseeeooooffththhheeee

o ovincehim ydog ffuelueuelcececelllltttececec ooggyyisistthehewwa

and I have been havingng for abobout a decadade. Ive been trying
toconvincehimhydrdrogogene fuel-cell technolologogyistheway

v
totoooconconoovincvincehieeehimmhydrddddrogooooggeeeenee fffuel-uel-uel-eecececeeelllllltectecteceehnhnhnolooooloogogooogggyyyisisistttheheheeewwwayaya

ad aveebeen bbeeeennhahahaavivivngnggg forfoor aaaaboboboututu aaaa dddececeaadadade.ee IvIvveee bbebeeeneenn ttryryyininnggg

imeto comeclean:I’vebeenwrong aboutacoupleof

ananadIhavdddIhav

Okay, so the first onee wwasas an ar an arrgugugumemementnt CCockbockbkbururnn
ve beenhaving foraboutadecadeI’vebeentrying

sothefirs
veeebbbeeeeeennnhhahvingnnggforoo abbboooutadddeceeadeddeeIveeebbebeeeeennntryingnngg

Oay,soothefirstooneeewwasasananaggggguu eentntCCooocockbbbu

to hear what thiingngs?
OkOkOOOkkkkayayaay,sosooothe ftheeefirirststoooneoneee

o hear what t ggs

ime to come clean: Ive been wrongng aboout a couuplpe of
ththhininininnngsgsg l laatattteeleley.y. Y Yeah,eah,ah y yeaeaah, I know.BBuut don’t you want
tototooohhhhhheaeaeeeeearrrrwhwhwwhhhatatatttthihihhiinngnnnngngnggggs?s?

gggg aeeey.y.YYeeeaeahh,yyeeeaah,Iknow.BBB don’t youwa

cluutchppeddaal.

electriccarof tthe fuutureu wont have a gearbox at all, let alone a
clutchhppededddaal

ao o haave aa geararboxaa ,, ao a

As Im sure Cockkbubrn would be haappppy to pointoutto me, the
eleeeleeeceectrtricicccaraarooooffttheefutufuturerewwononon’t’t’thavehavehavea ageaageageararbbbooxxxxatatatataaa,a,llll,letaletaooneeaa

sImsureCo burn would be aapppyopo ou o

car maakekr.MMinind you, I proobbablbly should have seenit comingng.
AsAAAAsA III’mmmmmmmsssururureeeeCoeCoCooockckkkkkkbbbbbbububurnrnrnnnwwwwooououldldldddbbbbeeeeehahahhaaaapppppppppppppyyytotooopoipoippoonnntntooooututtotooommmmemme thee,thhheeee

a aa r.M dyyou,ouIIppoobbabby oud av o g

why I dont work in the future produducts dedepaprtmentof a maajojr
cacacaarrrmamamaakekkekkeerrrrMMMMMMMininininnddddddyouyouyoyoouuuIIIIIppppppprrorooooobababbbababaabbblblblblbyyyyyoushshshooououould havld havld havdd aveeeeeseseseeeeeenenenicoit coit cooomimimnngnngngg

do tworkinthefutureprodudctsdpap oa aao

So there yougo, two swiwingngngs sanand two dtwomimisssseses. ThThisisiiss probprobbabababablyly
whwhwhhyyIIddoddooon’nn’nttwowowoorkrkkin thin thnnhheefueefuturetureeeproppproooddudududdctctssddededeeeeppppapppapartrtmmmemmemeentnnntooooffaaamammmammaaaajojjjooorr

So reyouo ggo,otwo so wiggggsand twoaddtwooomimisssseeeses..Thisspprpoobbbabbbby

aabsoslulutetelynot. Buuggeer.
SoSSooottheheeererereeeyyouyooououggggoooo,o,ttwowwooosswww

abouu y o. Bugg

trtranasmission? Theanswswer to both queustions wwasthesame:
ababaaabbbssosooolulullutetteteeelylynnnnotoootBBuBBuuuggggggggggereeeere

a o a obo questo a a

tthinink the exxpperience had been tarnisshehd by thePDKK
ansmission?Thheanswertobothquestionswasthesame:

K
anasmissionoo?Theeeaans eertobothqqueueueststioonsnswwaastesa e

pp encehad beentarn dby DDK

peedadl in the footwell? More specificalally, didI
hinktheexperience hadbeentarnishehedbythe PDKD

s
hhhinnnkkthhheeeeexexppepppeerieneennce heehhadaddbbbeeeeeennntaarnnnishhhheheheeedddbbyb thhheeePPPDKDDDD

pddalinthefooootw o p aa dd

h

g


would have been immprprovedby havingngaclutch
pedalinthefootwell?MMoroespecificalallyl didI

h
pepppeeeddadaddllin tin tin theheheeefoofoofooooootwell?twell?twee MMMMoooroooreeeespspppeececeificaallyly,ddiddddI

oud have been povdb a gga u

Raacecway in theGT3, immagininedthethe eexpppeerience
wowowowoulullddddhahahahaveveveeebbbbbeeneeneeeeeennimimmmmmpprpprpprovovoooveedeedddddbbbbbyyyhavihavivngngggacaclulutctchh

a wayint,G 3 ag d p

any point in my 30 odd lapaps ofQQueensllanand
RRaRRRaaacececeewwawaaayyinininnttthehehheeeGGGT3T3T3iimimimiimmmmmmmmmmaaagagagaaaagaagggggiiinininininiiinnnnnnnnedeeeeededdtheddddthheeeeeeexxpxpppeeererrieienceencnceeee

anypointinmy 30 oddlapsofQueensland

askeked me, very tellilinglyly, whhetethher I had, at
anypointin my30 oddddllapapsofQueensland

s
ananannyypopoppooininnnttin min mnnmmmmyy 3000 -oooddddddddddddllaapapappsofoo QQQueenslaneeeenn annddd

as dme,veveryryttelel ngnggy,w rIhadd,a

on the receivingg end of my antiPDDKK rants


  • asasasaskekkekekkeeeddmedddmememeeeveveveveeeryryryrytttteeleleelelllilililingngngnggglylyll wwhwhhheteeteteeeethehehheerrrIIIhahahadddddaaatt


on the receivigg end of my anti DD ra

of the other hacks who d previououslsly been
ononooonnnttthhehheheeerrecreceeeceivieeivieeivingngngnnggeeeeenndndndnddooooofmyffmymymmmm aaaanntntntni-ii-PPPPPDPPDPDDDDKKKKKKKKrararranntnntss

o o ackss wwho dho do pprevioouus b

This was broougughth hhomommee toto me mewhwhenen oonene
oftheothherhaccksk who’d previouslybeen

w
ofoofo thetheeeoooothheererehhaacksksks–––wwwho’dho’dho’doodpppprevireviee ooouoouslsyybebbeeenee

was bouug hhhoo eeoo ee ee ooee

lap of a race track.
ThTThhhisiswwwas basas bbbrorooougugugugghhhthhthhhh

apofaracetrac

thinng g gogoes rigghht out tthe window on your urfifirsrst
lapofaracetrack

s
lalaappofppofoo aaracracetracketrack.ee

ggggoes gg outt dowon yo

seven-speed PDDK is the wronngggeaerbox for thee
thththininingggggggogoggggogoooooeeseesesrrroutigiggggggghthhthooutooutout tut ttthetheheewwwinndodddooowononyyouro first

sevensp d DD is the wogggarbox fo

he
e

weigighbhbriidgdge etickcket. But the argugument that the
seseseeeven-ven-veeennnspspppppeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddPPDPDPPPPDPDDDKKKKKKisisisistttthehehhheeewwwwrorororooonngngnnngnngggggggggggggeaeeeeaarbrbrbrboxboxooxfoxffororo tthehehhee

wegbbdgg ttititi ...Bu.BuBuBtttthetheteagguu nttha ee

and withthin 2 0k0kgg of that beehehemoths 1455 0k0kg g
weweweeeigiigiggghbhbbbbbbririrririddgdgddgdgggeeeeeetititititickckckkkket But theeetBuBBuBuBBtttthththeeeeeeararararguggguguggmmemeeentntnt ttthahahattthth

and wi in 200 ggof that b moths 1550 g

and loongngeer than the orrigigininal Porsche 9288 of 19777
ananananndddddwiwiwiwiwithththinthinhhinnn 22220 0k0k0k 000 0kkkggggggofoofofottthhhahhahahattttbbbebeeeeeehehehehehhhheeemmmothmmmothmoootthhh’sss 1114454545455 0k0k 00 0kkkkgggg

adog t ata eo g a o 88 o

aa quick check of the specs reveals it is indndeeeed wiideder
anananandddddloloooongngngngggeeeererrtthathathahannnnththththeeeeeeorooroororigigiggggginininaal Porschealal PPPPooorrscheee 999999282828288888 ooof 19of 19997777

aquuickickchchececkofthespecskofthespecsrevreveaealslsititisisiid ddwdd

II still think the new GT 3 is a bit on the beefy side, and
aaaquququqqicickickkkchchchheececeeckkkkofoofoofthetthehheeespecssspeppepeecscsrrreveveveeealseaeealsealsiitit istisisiiinndndndndddeeeeeeeeeeeedddddwiwiwiwdddddeddeeerr

Is wG 3 sab o b ysd ad

9991 versioion of the GT3. Annd, equualally of course, I was wrong.
IIststill thillthininkthektheeenewnewee GTGT 33 is aisaabbbbbitititoon thon thono thebeeeebeebbebeeefefeeefyyysisisidedededeeanaandddd

99 vers nson ofof tthehe GT3GT3.. d,d, e of coequuaalyof courseurse,I Iwawas swrwog

But, of course, that’s exaactctlyly w what’hat’ss hahaappppppeneneed withed with the thelalatesttest
991 versionoftheGT3AndequalllyofcourseIwaswrong

a
9991 veeersionoonoofo theheeeGGT3T3AAnAnAnndddeeequqquaalaallylyoofocooourseeeIwas wrwaswrooonggg

But,ut,ooofcofcoourse,urse,ththaa’s’seexaxactlyctlywwhat’hat’ss aappppppeeededeedwwith theeeaee

withthout the third peeddal.
BuBBuBuBuBttttooofoofofcofcococourseoourseurseurseeeththththaatatat’s’s’sexeeexaexa

w ou dpdda

my favouriteever Porsche e in fact my favouriteu ever car
wiwiwiwithththhhhhhouooouotthetthetthhheeethththhhiririrdddddpeppepeeedadddddddaall

aou os actmyfavoouriteeverca

puukkkka 911 without a driver-opeperated clutch; itmigighht also bee
mymymyfavfavoufavaooououriririteteteee-ever Po-ever-eveeeePoPPoorsrsrschechcheee––ininffacacacttmytmyfmyfavfavouavouriteorite-evee-evereercarca–

puu a 911 without a driveroprated clutch; it g also beee

It wasnt just that such a thing wouuldldnt, or coullddnt, be a
puukkkka 911 withhoutadriveropeperatedclutch;itmigighthalsobe

sntjustthats
pupppukkkkkkkkkaaa 99919191111 wiwiwithhhhhhooouottadradraddiviveeer-ooopeppppepeeeratedatedeedclutchhh;itmmmmmiiggghhhthhhaalslsooobebbee

asntjuuststtthathatsusuchchatathinghinggwouwouo ddnnt,t,ooorcorcooudd t,beb a

cocoululdhad haappppppenene ttoo sosocicietetyy wawass aa GTGT 33 wiwiththhououtt aa clclututtchch ppedalededal.
ItItItwwwasasasnasnn’nttttjust tjust tjujust tstthathathathatsusususuchchchchaatatatthihihihiingngngngggwwwwooououuuldldldldddddnn’t,t,t,torooorororcocococoooululululdndddddddn’t bett,be,bebbeeaaa

M

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