Section:GDN 12 PaGe:2 Edition Date:190815 Edition:01 Zone: Sent at 14/8/2019 18:04 cYanmaGentaYellowbla
- The Guardian
Thursday 15 August 2019
Cribs , MTV’s 00s take on
Through the Keyhole, was a
way for some of the world’s
least self-aware celebs to show
us around their ostentatious
homes in a bid to remind viewers that they too could
live the dream (so long as their dream was an eyesore
of a house that looked like it was designed by Tom
Hanks in Big). The new series, which starts next week
after a 10-year break, will feature celebrities from
Towie cast members to the son of Chris Eubank.
Here are some of the best ever episodes.
Gene Simmons
The highlight of Simmons’s
house was his Kiss room,
where he collects all the
memorabilia from his band.
There are books and masks
and fi gurines and magazines
and slippers and toilet seats
and women’s underwear
emblazoned with his face and
the phrase ‘Lick it up’.Mariah Carey▼
How Mariah Carey was
Mariah Carey’s house? Well, it
had gold doors, aggressively
ostentatious lamps, a vast
walk-in closet dedicated
exclusively to lingerie, a
bathroom so serene that
Carey had to change outfi ts
before using it, a kitchen
with a chaise longue right
in the middle of it, and
something called a “Mermaid
Room” that didn’t contain
any mermaids or mermaid-
themed decoration. So quite
Mariah Carey.Richard Branson ▲
Branson show ed viewers
around his private island – the
most expensive property ever
featured on Cribs – complete
with a rockpool, jukebox,
dancefl oor, coral shower,
rooftop bathtub and Mariah
Carey just sort of lounging
around ambiently. The
upkeep of the place must be
huge. No wonder he went
into the private healthcare
business.Criss Angel
The magician’s Las Vegas
house contained a giant train
set that snaked around a
miniature fairground, plus
drawers full of sweets, teddy
bears dangling from lamps
and a constantly observed
CCTV link to his place of
business. Defi nitely one for
Tom Hanks in Big.Ja Rule
Perhaps the greatest Cribs
of all, in which the rapper
showed the crew around a
house that wasn’t actually
his, and the owner sued him
for fi lming there without
permission. The whole
episode is like a prequel to the
Fyre festival debacle.50 Cent ▼
The rapper called his house
an “East Coast Playboy
Mansion”, and with
good reason. Complete
with 19 bedrooms and 19
bathrooms, his Connecticut
home was a tasteful oasis of
chandeliers and high-sheen
marble. He bought his chairs
from Mike Tyson, he fi lled his
fridge with Vitamin Water,
he has a framed picture of
himself standing next to
Jessica Alba. And he has a
strip-club room, because
of course he does.
Stuart HeritageDelivery
drivers who go
the extra mile
Delivery drivers get a bad rap. OK,
they leave packages in the strangest
places: in bins, under parked cars,
with “neighbours” who live miles
away. They throw them over fences
into gardens or, in the case of one
driver in Leicestershire this week,
through an open upstairs window.
But everyone knows that is because
they are so short of time and so badly
paid they have to take shortcuts.
Blame the system, not the driver.
Instead it may be time to start a
campaign to laud put-upon delivery
drivers, with awards for tales of
derring-do. An early candidate is
Asda driver Arthur Kennedy-Anielak,
who went to the aid of an 84-year-old
woman in Hyde, Greater Manchester.
She had collapsed shortly before he
arrived with her shopping and, even
though she insisted she was OK, he
stayed with her and encouraged her
to call an ambulance. She later wrote
to Asda to praise his caring attitude.
Another potential award-winner
is the Belfast Just Eat driver who
took seriously a customer’s request
to collect tablets for her fl u as well as
the fi sh and chips she had ordered.
Ordering the meal was just a ruse to
get the medication, but the driverNo 4,032
The Big Ben
Number 10
Pass notes Shortcuts
A new study suggests that extreme
early risers – people who are willingly
up by 5.30am – may not just be
restricted to a handful of tech CEOs
and your annoying cat. Around one
in 300 people tracked over nearly 10
years had naturally early awake times,
which may not sound that common,
but is unthinkable for anyone who
struggles to wake up at 8am.
One of the authors, Louis Ptáček,
a professor of neurology at the
University of California , has been
interested in extreme early risers for
20 years, after meeting a woman who
would wake at 1 or 2am. He said that
it made her miserable and lonely.
“She grew depressed,” reports the
Atlantic. “Sometimes, she would
vacuum at 4am just to fi ll the time.”
For others, those early hours
are cherished, fi lled with self-What do ‘larks’
do with their
early starts?
Price: £28.95.
Appearance: 12,000 calories of possible death.
Jesus Christ, what is that thing? Oh, you mean
that towering stack of charred meat, cheese,
bacon and grease? That’s the Big Ben Number- Fancy a bite?
No! Oh, come on, try some. I know it looks like
a still from a documentary about a zoo that
burned down, but what have you got to lose?
I don’t know, my basic artery function? Listen.
Sure, the Big Ben Number 10 is a big burger.
Sure, it’s just 10 burgers piled up on top of
each other between mounds of cheese and 25
rashers of bacon. Sure, it weighs 1.5kg. Sure,
you might actually die trying to eat it. But it’s
OK because they have thought of that.
Who’s thought of what? The George Pub and
Grill in County Durham has thought of this
burger actually killing someone. It comes
with advice that customers eat it at their own
risk, plus the owner has promised to pay £500
towards the headstone of anyone who drops
dead during the challenge.
He seems like a nice guy. He’s got a big heart.
And so will you once you’ve clogged your
entire circulatory system with damp wads of
half-chewed meat.
Has anyone actually attempted this?
Apparently so. Competitive eater Kyle Gibson
recently took on the Big Ben Number 10, and
polished the whole thing off in just under 22
minutes. He claimed it was the best burger
he’d ever tasted, which very possibly means he
enjoys gorging to the point of nausea on food
that went cold 15 minutes previously.
Do you get anything if you fi nish it? The
owner of the George says you get “bragging
rights”. Because your friends love nothing
more than when you boast about how you’ve
become the unoffi cial poster boy for the sort
of uncontrolled consumption that will almost
certainly result in the end of humanity itself.
And how many calories did you say it had?
12,000.
Can you put that into perspective? Well, the
NHS states that a healthy adult male should
aim to eat about 2,500 calories a day. So this
burger is the equivalent of eating everything
you should normally eat in a working week.
I still don’t get it. Can you put it in Guardian
terms for me? Oh, fi ne, it’s like eating 31kg of
quinoa.
Oh my God! That’s obscene. Great, now you
fi nally get it.
Do say: “The best thing you can do to combat
the climate emergency is give up meat.”
Don’t say: “The second best is reducing
the population by one, by dying through
a pointless food challenge .”
e best ever epis
Cribs is back:
here are its
best moments
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Mariah Carey.g
The magician’s Las Vegas
house contained a giant tra
setthatsnakedaround a
miniature fairground, plus
drawers full of sweets, tedd
bears dangling from lamps
and a constantly observed
CCTV link to his place of
business. Defi nitely one for
Tom Hanks in Big.You’re having
a gaff ... Joey
Essex shows
us round his
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