Best – 20 August 2019

best for STRAIGHT TALK

‘S

o, scientists have found a way

to possibly delay the menopause

for up to 20 years, using a

procedure that involves taking and

freezing a small sample of your ovary and

replanting it when the menopause occurs.

It’s a nightmare, because it’s 20 years

too late for me to delay the thing that I’ve

dreaded all my life! Not because I was

worried about being infertile – I never

wanted kids – but I resented being told

I couldn’t have them. How mad is that?

Also, I’ve always believed that it’s the

cruellest thing Mother Nature could

inflict on women. In fact, it makes

me 100 per cent sure that Mother

Nature can’t possibly be a woman.

If she is, she’s one hell of a b***h!

The menopause is, in fact,

a drying-out process. Our biological

purpose, to ensure the continuation of

the human race, is spent. And, the way

I see it, nature does its utmost to ensure

we turn into unattractive monsters, so

men won’t find us desirable and will

be more likely to sleep with younger

women, who can still procreate.

The hair becomes thin and wiry, skin

turns to crepe paper, bones become

fragile and we go a bit mad because we

can’t sleep. Sherrie Hewson used to make

me laugh. “I haven’t slept since 1973,”

she joked. And there are the hot flushes,

which go off like an alarm to warn people,

“Don’t come near me, I’m sweating!”

Having said all that, mine wasn’t

too bad. But I still have to work

hard to keep some of its horrors

at bay. So, if it wasn’t too

late for me, I’d have

been down that

clinic faster than

anything!’

Pause the

menopause?

Ye s , p l e a s e!

PEEVED

AT PAUL

WOULD YOU

STOP THE

CLOCK?

THE^ ISS

I’m^ obsessed^ w

ith^

the^ Internation

al^

Space^ Station^

(ISS)^

and^ spend^ too

much^

time^ watching^

live^

broadcasts^ on

the^

ISS^ HD^ Live^ ap

p.^

I^ also^ keep^ an^

eye^ on^ the^

ISS^ Finder^ app

to^ see^ when^

it^ might^ be^ vis

ible^ in^ my^ area.^

The^ other^ night,

Mark^

and^ I^ saw^ it^ for

seven^

minutes.^ It’s^ ju

st^ a^

fast-moving^ do

t of^

light,^ but^ to^ se

e

something^ that’

s

320 miles^ up^ is^

mind-blowing.

(^) PAUL
HOLLYWOOD
The Bake Off judge continues
to live up to his reputation as v
ain
and smug. After (^) an affair with
a co-star while working in the
US, he was dumped (^) by his wif
e.
Now, his younger (ex) girlfrie
nd,
Summer Monteys-Fullam, ha
s
also (^) come to her senses and
dumped him. Why? Days after
his divorce came through,
he asked Summer to sign a
gagging order. Is there no limit
to this slimeball’s arrogance?
CAROL
McGIFFIN
I’m loving...
THE WAY
I SEE IT...
Wise words
from our feisty,
fearless
and funny
columnist
I’m loathing...
SPOTTING
THE SPACE
STATION
PI
C
TU
R
ES
:^ G
TE
YT
,^ I
NS
AT
RG
AM
,^ N
IC
YK
J
O
NH
ST
O
N
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ul
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