get ready in the morning – getting kids fed and dressed by a certain
time is really hard sometimes, and it’s nice to have someone there
looking after them when you’re having a shower, or ill, or sad, or
on the phone! I started taking antidepressants this year, and Maya
stepped up and gave Roddy brekky every morning when I was
zonked in bed. She was a lifesaver.”They also hold weekly meetings to help manage the daily running
of the household – it’s an opportunity to air any issues and talk
them through. “I’m a brooder, and will stew over things unless
I have a specific time and place to get it out, so this really works
for me,” Maya says. “It’s also a nice way to check in with each other.
Sometimes the weeks can blur into one big school run/playdate/
rush to get out the door, and it’s great to have that hour or so each
week to just chat through how we’ve been.”Feedback on their unconventional co-parenting setup has been
mostly positive so far. “My ex was happy Roddy was going to have
someone to play with and that we were going to live somewhere
nice, but half my friends thought it was super-cool and the other
half thought I was taking a massive gamble,” Hannah says.
“Most people are like, ‘Wow, why don’t more single parents do
that?’” Maya adds. “The occasional delivery person has probably
assumed we’re a couple, though.”The pair agrees that living together has taught them a lot – about
themselves, and life more broadly. They hold many of the same
values, but, as in any house-sharing situation, differences are
highlighted, too. “I think we’re pretty similar in a lot of ways thatmatter, but where Maya is quite pragmatic and organised, I’m quite
scatty, forgetful and creative,” Hannah says. Their approaches to
parenting vary, as well, with Maya’s style “fairly unorthodox”, and
Hannah’s a bit more “mainstream”. “It was always going to be new
territory for both of us, having never shared a house with our babies
before, but we were really aware of that. With the age gap between
the boys, I was apprehensive about how their dynamic would work
out, but they’ve bonded well.”
“It’s taught them both patience and understanding,” Hannah adds.
“Roddy and Fred often enter into their imagination land together
and build and create whole worlds that we don’t understand, which
is so beautiful to watch.” Their situation is not without challenges,
though, and the ladies say folks considering trying something
similar need to be up for constant compromise. (“And make sure
you have unlimited hot water, not like our house,” Hannah says.)
But all things considered, they wouldn’t change a thing. The way
Hannah and Maya see it, it’s been an opportunity to grow and better
themselves that they wouldn’t otherwise have had – they dove in
with open minds, and it worked. “When we’ve had a challenging
day, or a good day, we can just have a nice chat,” Hannah says.
“We can make each other dinner or a cup of tea when we really
need it. We might decide to go our separate ways at some point
in the future, but by doing this we’ve gained a lot: support; great
friendship; parenting advice; a solid example of female strength and
independence; playmates for our sons and, ultimately, a feeling of
solidarity in a patriarchal society that favours marriage and money
over unconventional-but-supportive setups.”Photo
Leanne Dixon
real life