Ask yourself what qualities you already have and will you
need more of to be at your most resilient and what do you
need from your partner and close family and friends?
Beginning the ‘honesty’ conversation with those closest to
you can be a great way to open up and express how you
feel. Be gentle and kind, avoiding confrontation, and ask
them to be honest in return. If you can lay your cards on
the table now, you will be less likely to feel disappointed or
resentful if and when they let you down or don’t match up
to your expectations. In fact, being honest now, will go a
long way in preventing unrealistic expectations that can set
you up for a fall. What you expect from them may not be
what you need, so addressing the realities from the fantasy
will help to find a balance and address your expectations to
avoid disappointment and resentment.Being clear about how you are when you are tired, what
you need to hear and what you don’t. Giving people a heads
up about your postnatal plan and ensuring you stick to it.
What’s the best way for you to do this? Comparing notes
and ideas with your partner can help to ensure you’re both
on the same page or at least see where your ideas are
different. Being different is not a bad thing and
Compromise is Key! It can give more clarity in aspects of
your personality that may need some attention.Have a Postnatal Plan"WRITE DOWN WHAT YOULOVE ABOUT YOURSELF,YOUR PARTNER AND YOUR
FAMILY."Baby preparation all too often looks like this: Birth
education (sometimes), buying baby stuff, decorating the
nursery, getting a new car/house and arranging for
Maternity/Paternity Leave. However, although this is
usually the reality of the amount of work/planning done
when preparing for a baby, it’s really not enough. What
about the rest? The 4th Trimester or “Matrescence” period
is going to be a tough one without a plan and an
understanding of what’s coming. Too often, people wish
they’d “done more” in pregnancy to help them build
resilience to cope with the changes a baby makes in their
lives.Having support is one thing, but learning to support each
other and yourself by preparing in pregnancy will help you
not only connect with yourself, each other and those
around you who can support you, but also, to disconnect
where you need to as-well. It will help you have the
confidence to ask for help when you need it the most and
be assertive about your true abilities and desires. It helps
as you establish new connections along the way; ensuring
you befriend the people that will serve you well and not
those that make you feel bad about yourself – keeping that
comparison monkey at bay!Using techniques such as Mindfulness, Relaxation, Yoga,
Pilates and Self Hypnosis, can help enormously with your
Self Care and General Wellbeing during this transformative
and often turbulent time. Bringing all of this into life as
parents will give a more positive, balanced perspective in
every area of life, improving self compassion and the ability
to communicate honestly and from the heart. Increasing
the ability to forgive and bring gratitude into daily life too.Be realistic and honest.Being more intuitive can ensure you are honest with those
around you but also yourself. Be realistic about how you’re
truly feeling – being in tune with that inner cheerleader and
inner critic will help you know when things are not
balanced. Knowing when that inner critic is butting in that
bit too much and using techniques like “thought noting”
and “mindfulness” can help you to recognise these
disruptive thought patterns. Once recognised, they often
become less of an issue and easier to move on from.
Write down your core beliefs around relationships and how
you feel your relations could change. Be upfront with each
other about putting the past behind you, with anything that
you know you need to leave behind. If necessary, have a
consultation with a Relate or Relationship Counsellor to
help you both get some balance and perspective on things.Write down what you love about yourself, your partner and
your family and close friends. Why is that? Is there a
running theme or similar values? Good. Stick to those and
celebrate them.Write down what you don’t like. Be realistic. Can anything
be done? If you feel you can, raise any issues in pregnancy.
Think how you would feel if this was you and what would
you tell a friend in the same situation.BeThe glue in relationships is the hormone Oxytocin.
Humans can’t survive without it. It works on a physical level
and make us feel fond of someone and even very loved-up.
From skin to skin to a smile, eye contact to simply thinking
of someone, we can trigger this incredible hormone and
fast become addicted to it. It makes us feel sublime and
naturally, we desire more.
So think about ways you can use this to your advantage.
For yourself, your baby, your partner and everyone else!
Perhaps it’s a bath together, or a day just staying in bed
with some massage thrown in for good measure. Perhaps
it’s a lingering hug after a tough day, or a hand held with
intent. There are so many ways we can increase our levels
of this miraculous natural love-drug and it will help keep
you and your loved-ones together successfully for many
years.My drug of choice: OxytocinTHINK
T is it TRUE,
H is it HELPFUL,
I is it INSPIRING,
N is it NECESSARY,
K is it KINDCome up with a theme for each time you
practice this exercise – something like “what
I’m grateful for”, “what I appreciate in you”, or
“what I’d like to do with you this month” – and
list five things each within this theme.
Ask your partner to go first and list all five
things, or you and your partner could
alternate saying one of your five things at a
time. Be creative and get silly if you want or
need to. For example: “What are five things
you love that I have done for you lately?”
Once they finish, you should come up with
your own answer to the question and then
swop.
When finished, talk about it all, being grateful
and asking additional questions if necessary.
Enjoy!Here’s a little something to help
you with every relationship you
ever have as you use it in your
language and actions:5 Things... Go! ExerciseSophie Burch is The Mamma Coach, on a mission to
help pregnant couples and new parents to have their
best experiences no matter what, why, where or
how. As well as teaching Hypnobirthing Weekend
Retreats by the sea, she has a new online birth and
baby preparation programme that integrates
Relationship Coaching with Hypnobirthing, Mindful
Birthing, Wellbeing, Lifestyle and Self Care
Coaching; a completely fresh approach to Preparing
for Birth and Baby.http://www.onthedoorstep.orghttp://www.themammacoach.com
IG: @themammacoach
FB: @themammacoach10% off for
On the DoorstepReaders!
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