Page 60
Are our standards of
(^) Daily Mail, Tuesday, August 13, 2019
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LETTERS
DEBATE
I AM increasingly annoyed by
sloppy speech. TV quiz
contestants refer to ‘Me and
my wife’ and the alphabet
has been reduced to 23
letters because ‘t’, ‘h’ and ‘u’
have been dropped.
P. F. BrYANT, Salisbury.
i tHOUGHt a conversation
was something you had with
your neighbour over the
garden fence. But it is
increasingly used instead of
the more appropriate terms
debate or discussion when
referring to important
political or business matters.
FrANK McGrENAGHAN,
Omagh, Co. Tyrone.
WHY are ‘issues’ taking over?
Don’t we have ‘problems’?
B. WILLIAMS,
Little Chalfont, Bucks.
WHY has ‘key’ replaced
‘important’ or ‘vital’? Don’t
get me started on ‘listen up’!
P. WILLIAMS, Hayes, Middlesex.
‘WOW!’ has even spread to
In a sticky situation
filling up the motor
M
Y eLDeRLY
father was issued
with a red
and white stick
to show he was
partially sighted.
the fact Dad was no longer
able to drive was devastating
for my parents’ mobility and
independence, but we would
bring them down to the
Midlands for short holidays
and then return them to
Merseyside. Dad would pay for
our petrol.
On one occasion, i was filling
the tank when he said: ‘tell
me the number of this pump
and i’ll go in and pay with my
credit card.’
then he made his way into the
filling station shop.
i was following on behind
when i heard a woman’s voice
shrieking: ‘No way! No ruddy
way! i’m phoning the police!’
‘is everything OK, Dad?’
i inquired.
‘Are you two together?’ asked
the cashier. i nodded.
‘Oh, thank heavens,’ she said.
‘He’s just asked me to hold his
stick while he signed the
docket and i thought he was
the driver!’
Brian rushton,
Stourport-on-Severn, Worcs.
Sign language Today’s poem
Out of the mouths of babes
WHiLe i was supervising
breakfast on a busy school
day, my eight-year-old
granddaughter Olivia, as
usual, had her head buried in
her precious ipad.
i casually asked her what
she would have done had she
been born before ipads
had been invented? Her reply,
without even looking up?
‘scream!’ enough said!
David J. Knowles,
Hazel Grove, Cheshire.
Wordy Wise
TENNISH BALL — formal
dance, beginning at
around 9.55pm.
Dave Cullen,
Alwoodley, Leeds.
SHYPERBOLE — exaggerated
nervousness.
Mrs Sylvia Dugard,
Witney, Oxon.
DRAGONS’ DIN — peter Jones
and co lay into an
entrepreneur who values his
camping desserts brand
Crumble in the Jungle at
£35 million-plus.
Mark Wraith, Newark, Notts.
HERE’S MUD IN YOUR RYE —
someone spiked my whisky.
A. Dean, Keighley, W. Yorks.
BEAKY BLINDERS —
gangster crows.
Ted Jones,
Margaretting, Essex.
Your jokes
YO-YO dieting will be the
death of me — just how many
of these darned things can
one man eat!
V. Hefter, richmond, Surrey.
THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR
Plastic doors and windows
And plastic pipes adorn
With plastic hanging baskets
And a bloody plastic lawn.
Plastic birds and
garden gnomes
And a little plastic fox,
Plastic plants in plastic pots
And balls of plastic box.
But ours is looking lush
and green
As twice last week it pelted,
Then we had a heatwave
And the stuff next door
all melted.
David Cox,
Maidenhead, Berks.
Nursery Rhyme
For Our Time
I know an old lady who
loved eating pies.
Her doctor said: ‘Too many
isn’t so wise —
‘Or you could die.’
Now this same old lady, she
loved her red meat.
She loved foods that were
naughty and foods that
were sweet,
She ate crisps, cake and
biscuits and sometimes
drank Coke,
But to keep her heart
healthy she chose not
to smoke.
Now her doctor said: ‘Eating
this junk food won’t do!’
She replied: ‘Well, I don’t
need a lecture from you...
‘After all, I’m 102!’
A. Cripps,
Kingsbridge, Devon.
Limerick
A Countess on Strictly?
That’s great!
A real touch of class — I
can’t wait,
Maybe next year they’ll
sign up
A royal for the line-up,
Such as Zara or Meghan
or Kate.
I. G. Fenner,
New Milton, Hants.
DON’T TELL THE MISSUS:
Spotted outside a pub in
Eyemouth, Berwickshire,
by Terence Barton
of Amble, Northumberland.
Write to: Daily Mail Letters,
2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT
email: [email protected]
PETERBOROUGH
email: [email protected]
Tough justice
i CAN’t agree with the statement by
a scotland Yard chief that the
machete attack on a police officer
was ‘a symptom of people having less
fear of the police’.
As a former probation officer, i
believe the attack — and lawlessness
in general — is a symptom of our
failed justice system where sentences
are as mild as possible, prisons are
holiday camps and you can be eligible
for release on parole after serving
only a third of a sentence.
sentences should be longer and
prison conditions less luxurious.
Mrs IrIS DAINTON, Grimsby, Lincs.
it is naive of Boris Johnson to
request 20,000 more police officers, as
the selection process is ridiculous.
the automated online question-
naire rejects any applicant who does
not rigidly adhere to certain criteria.
i know an infantry soldier who left
the Forces after 14 years having done
several tours of duty. He applied to
join the police, but was rejected
online for not having GCse english.
Who would you expect to be able to
deal with criminals: a graduate with
an ‘ology’ or someone who has seen
active service?
COLIN TAYLOr,
East Grinstead, W. Sussex.
It’s your deal
i AM so frustrated at the debate
surrounding Brexit, which seems to
be approaching something akin to
Alice in Wonderland.
A number of Mps say we should
not leave the eU without a deal,
which is a sensible and rational
position to take. However, they are
never pressed to explain what deal
they have in mind.
it can’t be the deal negotiated by
Mrs May, which the eU says is non-
negotiable, but has been rejected
three times by parliament.
For the UK not to leave on
October 31 would require an Act of
parliament and possibly the approval
of the eU, which is not a given.
What about the trade deficit in
goods we have with the eU?
i would miss French wine and
cheese and irish dairy products and
presumably the producers and sellers
of these products would miss my
British pounds.
Dr JOHN KIrKHOPE,
Weston-super-Mare, Somerset.
tHe doom-mongers are once again
heaping all the blame on Brexit for
our poor economic performance.
there is no mention of the interna-
tional situation, with Germany on
the brink of recession for the past six
months, the impasse between the
U.s. and China and the ongoing
tension in the Gulf.
the London-centric elite and the
union-dominated Labour party have
consistently run down this country,
so is it any wonder that investors are
shy to invest?
FrANK McMANuS, Leeds.
Legal dinosaurs
i WAs surprised to read about the
attitude of male barristers (Mail).
in the sixties, i shadowed the first
female High Court judge, elizabeth
Lane, and there were no sexist
remarks or sexist dinosaurs in those
days. the only inconvenience was
being obliged to shove a chest of
drawers in front of my bedroom door
at night to fend off a male judge.
i was not outraged, but took it as a
compliment. i also regarded being
chased round the tables of the inner
temple when eating my compulsory
dinners as rather fun.
Female barristers should just laugh
and treat the male dinosaurs with
the contempt they deserve.
SHIELA PECZENIK,
Andover, Hants.
RAtHeR than rise to the bait and
leap to outraged indignation on
twitter about the behaviour of some
male lawyers, may i suggest another
approach to barrister Amy Rollings.
she might have responded by
showing complete disregard and,
with a demure and gentle smile, so
disarm her ill-mannered colleague
that he would have been left feeling
uncomfortable and embarrassed.
PATrICIA HANDS,
Les Blancs Bois, Guernsey.
Tiny terrors
i WAs horrified to read about the
mothers who let their children
behave how they want to (Femail).
sunday lunches in pubs and
restaurants are ruined by children
screaming and playing chase.
even though we go on holiday in
school term time, meals and the
evening entertainment are often
ruined by noisy children. some
parents even let their children run
up and down the aircraft gangway.
Will these children learn to respect
the feelings of other people? they
may be tiny terrors now, but just wait
until they become teenagers.
Mrs W. L. JONES,
Lytham St Annes, Lancs.
WHAt is wrong with teaching
children the difference between right
and wrong?
throwing a remote control in
temper is not teaching a child how to
behave. You may as well say you are
not going to teach them to read or
write if they don’t want to.
if my mother had decided to spend
five minutes in the loo every time one
of her 11 children misbehaved, she
would have been in there all day. We
have all grown up to be responsible,
law-abiding adults, with not a remote
control thrown among us.
MArGArET NEWBrOOK,
Stockport, Gtr Manchester.
YOU do need to explain to children
why it’s wrong to do or say certain
things. When they go to school and
into work, they will get a big shock.
SuE NEWELL,
Melton Mowbray, Leics.
Talk to the trees
tHe destruction of the Amazon
rainforest is escalating due to illegal
logging. perhaps prince Harry, joined
by Greta thunberg and other virtue-
signalling, climate change zealots,
can lobby the Brazilian government
to stop this destruction of the lungs
of the earth. they could set up
Greenham Common-style camps,
stand in front of logging machines,
hold hands and sing songs.
C. D. FIELD,
Guisborough, N. Yorks.
Picture that
One-line
Philosophers
n i HAD a time machine, but i
didn’t want to take it back.
P. Turberville, Ashover, Derbys.
n HOW is it that only one
company is allowed to
produce the game Monopoly?
Valerie Ashton, London N14.
NECK AND NECK: We seem
to have very unusual
swans around here.
Spotted by David Neale of
Fakenham, Norfolk.
i WAs amused by the story
about the crafty puppy taking
a dog walker for a ride. it
reminded me of the time i
took my neighbour’s lively
springer spaniel, Humphrey,
for a walk. i was wearing my
district nurse uniform of a
smart blue coat and hat. i let
Humphrey off the lead, but
then found he wouldn’t let me
grab his collar. A group of
teenage boys doubled up with
laughter when my hat fell off.
i flung my coat over Humphrey
and somehow managed to
fling myself over him as well.
However, it worked. i slunk off
home to the sound of laughter.
Humphrey, needless to say,
was a very happy dog.
Mrs P. Wells, Aylesbury, Bucks.
Follow-up