65Illustration: Mick Marston
CULTURE 10/2019 SpotlightT
he linguistic and
cultural misunder-
standings between
German and English
are an endless source
of amusement. After
more than 20 years
in Germany, I have come across plenty.
Join me now as I explore another four
everyday topics that have created oppor-
tunities for confusion and embarrass-
ment for English speakers in Germany.Say what you really mean!
The great thing about Germans is that
you usually know exactly what they’re
thinking — because they tell you. Wheth-
er it’s a remark that your clothing is inap-
propriate for the weather or that your
boisterous dog would benefit from some
training, it’s always well meant. The prob-
lem is that, to British ears, remarks such
as these can sound like reproaches. Ask a
Brit, “Ist dir nicht zu kalt / heiß?” and they’ll
hear, “Can’t you dress yourself appropri-
ately? What’s wrong with you, you idiot?”
If my German friends don’t want to do
something, they’ll tell me. It’s really re-
freshing that there’s no beating about the
bush the way it’s done in English:
“Would you like to go to the Oktober-
fest with me?”
“No, I hate the Oktoberfest. I can’t
think of anything I’d like to do less.”
In Britain, depending on how well you
know someone and how much you wish
to spare that person’s feelings, the conver-
sation might go more like this:
“Would you like to go to the Oktober-
fest with me?”
“Maybe. Could be interesting.”
It’s not the words that tell you wheth-
er or not you can count on the speaker’s
company, but the level of enthusiasm.
In restaurants, Brits are notoriously
awkward and won’t tell the waiter that
they don’t like their meal, even when
they’re asked.
“How’s the soup, sir? Is everything
OK?”
“Yes, yes, yes, everything’s fine. You
wouldn’t have any ketchup, would you?”
“Of course, sir. Coming right up.”
Not so in Germany. If there’s some-
thing wrong, whoever’s responsible is go-
ing to find out about it. And that’s a good
thing, I think.In my job as a teacher, it’s very help-
ful to know what students are thinking.
When the feedback is about my teaching,
that’s something I’m happy to deal with,
but when the complaints are about a fea-
ture of the English language, there’s not
much I can do about that.
When I began teaching, I had a week-
ly course with nine beginners. We all sat
around a big table, with me at one end
and Rainer, one of the participants, at the
other. Rainer had a large moustache and
looked a lot like Magnum — the detective,
not the ice cream. There was never any
doubt about what Rainer was thinking.
I’ll never forget the time he felt very frus-
trated about the word “husband”:
Rainer: “Husband! Husband? Why is it
‘husband’? In German, we say Mann. In
English you have ‘man’. Why must we say
‘husband’? It’s not good.”
Me: “I’m sorry, Rainer.”
Rainer: “I mean, I understand ‘wife’, that’s
OK. It’s like the German word Weib. But
husband? Really?”
Me: “Yes, really. Again, I’m very sorry.”
Rainer: “It’s not good.”
Me: “Yes, you said that.”
Rainer: “Wait! I know!”
Me: “Yes?”
Rainer: “It’s like Halsband!”
The class started laughing and couldn’t
stop. Rainer had come up with one of my
all-time favourite Eselsbrücken, and no one
in the class had any problems remember-
ing the word “husband” after that.Schottenwochen
I was really excited the first time I saw
a big poster advertising a Schottenwoche
at the local branch of my bank. I had no
idea that Scottish culture meant so much
to Germans and that they regularly ded-
icated a whole week to celebrating it.
My imagination ran away with me and I
pictured all the bank staff in kilts, a piper
greeting customers and a buffet of Scot-
tish delicacies such as haggis balls with
sweet chilli sauce, deep-fried pizza and
whisky. Should I offer to recite some Scot-
tish poetry? Perhaps not.
On the Monday of the “Scottish Week”,
I arrived at the bank early. Maybe too ear-
ly, I thought, when I saw there was ab-
solutely nothing going on. I located the
poster and read the small print. For one
week only, the bank was offering a good
deal on insurance packages. This hadawkward [(O:kwEd]
, ungeschickt
benefit [(benIfIt]
, profitieren
boisterous [(bOIstErEs]
, ausgelassen, stürmisch
branch [brA:ntS]
, Zweigstelle
bush: beat about the ~
[bUS]
, um den heißen Brei
herumreden
dedicate [(dedIkeIt]
, widmen
delicacy [(delIkEsi]
, Köstlichkeit
embarrassment
[Im(bÄrEsmEnt]
, Verlegenheit, Pein-
lichkeit
feature [(fi:tSE]
, Merkmal, Eigenart
haggis balls
[(hÄgIs bO:lz] Scot.
, panierte und frittierte
Bällchen aus Haggis
(schottisches Gericht aus
Schafsinnereien)inappropriate
[)InE(prEUpriEt]
, unpassend
moustache [mE(stA:S]
, Schnurrbart
notoriously
[nEU(tO:riEsli]
, berüchtigt; hier:
bekanntermaßen
participant
[pA:(tIsIpEnt]
, Teilnehmer(in)
piper [(paIpE]
, Dudelsackspieler
recite [ri(saIt]
, vortragen
reproach [ri(prEUtS]
, Vorwurf, Tadel
source [sO:s]
, Quelle
spare [speE]
, verschonen