(^) Daily Mail, Saturday, August 17, 2019
124 THE ASHES SECOND TEST
THE ASHES
MARTIN
SAMUEL
Chief Sports Writer
at Lord’s
SPITTING MAD
‘You’d be playing out and
they’d go mad, they couldn’t
believe it, they’d have fits,
they’d get all hysterical.
They’d be stood about 100
yards apart but they could feel
it coming, rain. They’d be
eyeing each other up and
down, they could sense it.
Smell it — they could smell the
rain! One big splodge and —
“It’s spitting! It’s spitting, it’s
spitting! Everybody in,
everybody inside, it’s spitting.
Janice, Barbara, get the kids,
get inside, it’s spitting! Off the
playground children, get
inside, save yourselves, it’s
spitting, it’s spitting...”
Peter Kay remembers
playground supervisors.
T
here were five
balls left before
lunch when the
umpire Aleem Dar
decided enough
was enough.
It was, indeed, spitting. And
although he had probably seen
the forecast and knew that, if the
players went off, it was unlikely
they would get back on, he could
not bear to be out in the middle a
moment longer. And we wonder
why Test cricket is a hard sell to
the modern generation.
Forecasting weather is far from
an exact science but that yester-
day’s play would be rain-affected
was regarded as meteorological
certainty. The only debate
surrounded precisely when.
There were pessimistic
estimates that the washout would
begin at midday, optimistic calls
of around 3pm and a general
consensus that play beyond lunch
looked unlikely.
Yet no provisions were made to
bring the start forward by an
hour, and no concession that a
flexible timetable might give
cricket’s patrons extra value for
money. even if Dar had not
brought proceedings to a prema-
ture end, play was going to stop
within a matter of minutes
anyway. Lunch had to be obeyed,
like the dinner gong at a royal
residence.
There would be no con-
sideration that, shortly,
the rain would come in
and wash out the enter-
tainment anyway; no pos-
sibility that the players
might survive on drinks
and maybe a snack until
such a time it was impossible for
the match to continue. The play-
ers were coming off within five
balls even had the game been
taking place in brilliant sunshine
with the apocalypse forecast for
2.30pm. And again, we wonder
why Test cricket is a hard sell to
the modern generation.
It is almost as if the people who
run Test cricket don’t believe in
it, either. We already know that
The hundred is an attempt to
appeal to sell cricket to people
who don’t care for it but, if
anything, this wanton disregard
for Test action seems to stem
from the belief that the public
cannot possibly be fixated on the
match itself.
Keep lunchtime sacred, keep
tea in its rightful place, but God
forbid anyone tries to force more
cricket into the daily schedule.
Given that an entire day had
already been lost, why didn’t play
begin at 10am, if possible, through
the next four days? And given
that every weather forecaster
agreed rain was coming PM, why
was lunch scheduled at all?
Seriously, how hungry could
anyone be? And what happened
to contingency plans, or adapting
to circumstances? One minute
we don’t need europe and
the next we can’t go two hours
without catering?
Lord’s takes great delight in
posting the players’ lunch menu
on Twitter. Yesterday it was
potato, leek and cauliflower soup,
grilled chicken, lamb jambalaya,
baked cod fillet, tofu parmigiana,
prawns and Marie rose sauce,
Jersey royal potatoes, beans, ten-
derstem broccoli, carrots, Greek
salad, apple and blackberry crum-
ble, lemon and ricotta cheese-
c a k e , f r e s h fruit salad and a
selection of ice
creams.
And, remember,
this feast was tak-
ing place even
if its interven-
tion in the day
meant paying
customers were
denied close to
an hour of the
very event they
had come to
see. It was an excellent morning
of cricket yesterday. england’s
session but the game is in the
balance.
Delightfully for the long-suffer-
ing locals, Australia may have
overplayed their hand by batting
second and have now lost crucial
wickets. Jofra Archer claimed his
first Test victim, but Steve Smith
remains.
The problem, however, is that
there should have been more of
it. Not just an earlier start but an
acknowledgement that the tradi-
tional lunch schedule, in the cir-
cumstances, was incongruous.
What would have been wrong
with plans for a drinks break on
the hour and for those who were
truly famished, a little sandwich
to go with it? And then, if play
had been possible all the way to
3pm, late lunch.
What is wrong with dragging
the Test game, kicking, scream-
ing and maybe even a little peck-
ish, into a century when it is
accepted people have many
choices and hanging around in
the pouring rain waiting for the
players’ jambalaya to go down is
the one with the least appeal?
If Test cricket has a problem it
is that it still sees switching the
floodlights on, a few extra overs
at the end of the day or an early
tea as a radical experiment in
format change.
This was a Test match that peo-
ple were hungry to see. In Archer,
english cricket has a player
whose presence will fill grounds.
It was noticeable, on Thursday,
that many stayed longer than
usual at Lord’s to watch him take
on Australia and many more
turned up yesterday, despite the
doomy forecast.
They should have seen as much
Archer, as much cricket, as was
possible. Let’s hope that tofu
parmigiana was worth it.
Rain check:
officials
assess the
weather
at Lord’s
REX
lMove lunch or start earlier? No!
lCricket won’t change with the times
singke
(singke)
#1