Page 42 Daily Mail, Saturday, August 17, 2019
BEL
A
few weeks ago
(July 20), I featured
a letter from Hilda
headlined ‘I fear
uprooting my life for
a new man’.
Hilda’s chap (78) was persuading
her to sell up and move to his
place. I counselled against it, for
various reasons — and she wrote
afterwards to thank me, saying she
knew I was right.
Now here’s another question
about moving — and once again
I’m unconvinced.
You present a satisfying picture
of a fulfilled woman in her 60s, still
working, enjoying life, socialising
as much as she wishes, loving
her independence.
I’d like you to be an inspiration
for women who believe the only
thing that makes life worth living is
having a partner. Today’s second
letter is a sad antidote to that
romantic view.
I can see that your young
daughter’s suggestion is appealing
on many levels — and it sounds as
if you and she have talked it
through carefully.
My instinctive response is
that, yes, it could indeed be fun
to be near enough to see a lot of
those children — now at an
interesting age.
Yet you make it clear that you
don’t see yourself as a hands-on
granny — because your own life isTERMS & CONDITIONS
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rates — calls from mobiles
may cost more.DEAR BEL,
I’M standing at a crossroads
wondering which way to go, and
would welcome your input.
I’m 64 and have lived in this area
for more than 30 years, having
raised my three children here.
Although I live alone, I am never
lonely and have plenty friends and
social contacts.
Since the girls left home, I have
enjoyed a life free from the
pressures of child rearing, and am
grateful every day for my good
health and the independence my
car gives me.
My eldest daughter lives 40 miles
away and I have regular contact
with her and my granddaughter
(now nearly grown up).
My second daughter lives abroad
with her three children and I visit
them once a year.
My youngest daughter now
thinks it would be a great idea
if I moved 180 miles south to live
near her and her husband and
their two children, who are six
and eight.
She works full-time and her
husband is the main child-carer.
He does shift work when he
can, usually when his parents
(who also live away) go to visit
them, or when my daughter hasa weekend off. (His parents are
hands-on with the grandchildren
in a way that I am not, much as
I love them.)
She has emphasised that they are
not looking for a ‘nanny’ and
wouldn’t take advantage, because
she realises I have a full life.
We both understand that I
wouldn’t mind having the children,
say once a week after school for
tea, or similar.
I also wouldn’t mind being an
emergency cover for them.
In addition, she has also made it
clear that once the children reach
secondary school age (say in six
years or so), should a house move
become necessary for them, then
they would do this, although
they wouldn’t expect that to be
more than 20 miles from where
they live now.
I have at least a year to think
about this as financially I couldn’t
go before I retire in the spring
of 2021.
I’m tempted to take this step as
it’s my last chance to have
my grandchildren living close.
It’s such a momentous decision
that I would love to hear
your thoughts.
VALERIE