The Boston Globe - 13.08.2019

TUESDAY, AUGUST 13, 2019 The Boston Globe The Region A

the once-familiar routines of
changing diapers, monitoring
homework, inspiring and con-
soling, and shuttling kids to
birthday parties at Chuck E.
Cheese.
“We’re back in the bouncy
house,” said Raymond Fuller
Jr., 76, of Hyde Park, a former
Polaroid lab technician who is
raising three grandchildren
with his wife.
Their lives are far from easy.
But despite some unique
stresses, such as balancing
child-rearing with the health
conditions that come with ag-
ing or navigating intermittent
tension with the parents who
come in and out of their chil-
dren’s lives, most grandparent
caregivers appear to be coping
as well as biological or adoptive
parents, the latest research
shows.
“We’ve seen a significant in-
crease in parenting grandpar-
ents,” said Dr. Andrew Ades-
man, chief of developmental
and behavioral pediatrics at
Cohen Children’s Medical Cen-
ter in New Hyde Park, N.Y.,
who co-authored a national
study last year that concluded
grandparents are usually up to
the required tasks. “These are
situations where parents can’t
meet the needs of their chil-
dren, and grandparents are of-
ten the best option.”
There are approximately 3
million grandparents raising
more than 7 million grandchil-
dren in the United States, ac-
cording to data from the Cen-
sus Bureau and the Centers for
Disease Control and Preven-
tion. But those figures may not
capture the entire picture.
They don’t include grandpar-
ents who are in full-time par-
enting roles but aren’t legal
guardians or those who don’t
live with their grandchildren
but take care of them when
both parents are working.
In what’s expected to be the
most comprehensive state sur-
vey to date, researchers at the
University of Massachusetts
Medical School have been

uGRANDPARENTS
Continued from Page A

reaching out to people raising

grandchildren in the state this

summer and plan to report to

policymakers next month. But

even before their findings are

presented, it’s clear the ranks

of parenting grandparents are

“an order of magnitude larger

than 20 years ago,” said Dr.

Heather Forkey, clinical direc-

tor of the foster children evalu-

ation service at UMass Memo-

rial Medical Center in Worces-

ter.

While the largest driver is

the opioid epidemic, which has

led to thousands of deaths in

Massachusetts and left thou-

sands more unable to raise

children, other forms of sub-

stance abuse, domestic vio-

lence, physical or mental

health issues, unsafe housing,

financial setbacks, and incar-

ceration have also wreaked

havoc on the traditional family

structure.

“There’s been a big uptick in

the number of kids coming in-

to [state] custody, and there

are fewer homes for these

kids,” said Forkey, who’s

worked with foster children in

Massachusetts since 1997.

“When the grandparents have

already had a role in the chil-

dren’s lives, that makes it easier

for the child. Many grandpar-

ents are good in providing nur-

turing, stability, and support

and a safe place for these chil-

dren to heal when the rest of

their lives are unraveling.”

Often, parenting grandpar-

ents are struggling with same

issues as their grandchildren,

dealing with the children’s

troubled parents, and in the

most tragic cases mourning

their loss. Still, they bring mo-

tivation and experience to their

caregiving, which many see as

a mission.

“Some remarkable growth

and recovery happens in these

situations,” Forkey said.

Many grandparents won’t

discuss the specific circum-

stances that prompted them to

take responsibility for their

grandchildren because the sub-

ject is painful and, in some cas-

es, they’re in custody battles

with their children. But in in-

terviews, they described par-

enting 2.0 in moving and

sometimes amusing terms.

“Like any job, you get better

at it” the more you do it, said

Williams, who is also raising

two older grandsons. “I’ve been

to more birthdays parties in

the last six years... the cake,

the ice cream.”

“My social group is now

moms with little kids,” said

Linda Baldwin, 67, of East Bos-

ton, a visiting nurse who’s rais-

ing a grandson and a grand-

daughter. “I’m hanging out

with young moms, and it’s kind

of fun. They call and say, ‘We’re

going to Canobie Lake,’ and I

just want to sit home and

watch ‘Wheel of Fortune.’ But I

go because I want my kids to

have normal lives.”

At a recent conference for

grandparents raising grand-

children, Governor Charlie

Baker said his administration

was working on ways to boost

support for those who had

stepped up. He expressed grati-

tude to the attending grand-

parents with deeply personal

words.

“The hands you’re playing

are ones that require a spectac-

ular amount of love and cour-

age and grit and commitment

and kindness,” Baker said.

“And they come at a point in

your life where that’s not where

you expected to be.... If

you’re working, you have to fig-

ure out how to incorporate all

of that in your own lives. If

you’re retired, you’re not re-

tired anymore. If you thought

you were going to be a grand-

parent that got to deal with the

benefit of having grandchil-

dren without the burden that

came with having children,

well for the time being that’s

gone.”

For many grandparents, the

burden is also a blessing.

They’re able to offer a “second

chance” to children who are

trapped in an unstable family

situation. Some see it as a sec-

ond chance for themselves, too,

as they cope with their own

children’s struggles.

Many also describe the ex-

perience of raising another

generation as a way to keep

them young and engaged in the

world. When called back to

parenthood, Baldwin remem-

bered, “you didn’t have the

time to think about getting old.

You just took the diaper and

ran.”

While they bristle when

some younger parents of their

grandchildren’s schoolmates

exclude them from activities,

they enjoy being tapped by oth-

ers as a resource.

“Young parents look at us as

a point of wisdom,” said Au-

drey Fannon, 72, a retired hos-

pital administrator from West

Roxbury who’s raising two

grandsons. “We were at a bas-

ketball game in Savin Hill and

one of the parents asked, ‘Do

you remember when they land-

ed on the moon?’ ”

One of their toughest chal-

lenges is letting their grandkids

know why they’re raising them.

“Their biological parents

are not in their lives, and you

have to tell them why,” Fuller

said. “And the longer you wait

to tell them, the harder it is.”

Without being critical or judg-

mental, he said, the grandpar-

ents have to explain to the kids

that their parents are grappling

with difficult problems and ar-

en’t able to take care of them.

“I tell them, ‘I don’t want you

to be in the same predicament.

I’m going to be there for you.

I’m going to help you get

through this.’ ”

Like caregivers everywhere,

parenting grandparents have

hopes and dreams and worries,

along with strategies for over-

coming obstacles. Many said

they draw on their religious

faith to help them — and the

grandchildren they’re raising

— strengthen their resolve.

“My faith sustains me,” said

Williams, who takes young

Cam to St. John Missionary

Baptist Church in Roxbury.

“Sometimes, he’ll say to me,

‘Mama, let’s go to church to-

day.’ ”

Fuller said bringing his

grandchildren to the Morning-

side Baptist Church in Matta-

pan helps him understand his

own priorities at this stage of

life and keep things in perspec-

tive.

“Am I happy?” he said. “Yes,

I am. It keeps me alive. My

friends ask, ‘How do you do it?’

And I point to my grandkids. I

say, ‘They’re the ones I do it for.

It’s not about me, it’s about

them.’ ”

Robert Weisman can be

reached at

[email protected].

Follow him on Twitter

@GlobeRobW.

Formanygrandparents,it’sbackinthe‘bouncyhouse’

CRAIG F. WALKER/GLOBE STAFF

Gail Williams (right) and her grandson Cameron arrived for track practice at English High

School in Jamaica Plain. “Like any job, you get better at it” the more you do it, she said.

‘I’mhangingout

withyoungmoms,

andit’skindof

fun.’

LINDA BALDWIN,67, a

visiting nurse from East Boston

who is raising a grandson and a

granddaughter

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