yoga

36

december 2018 / january 2019

yogajournal.com.sg

of stretch.”

You can explore the same process with

breathing practices, says Lasater. “As we

become an observer of the flow of breath, we

are drawn inward to notice, over and over,” she

says. “This process of noticing our sensations

can become a process of noticing ourselves

in general. It spreads from the physical to

the emotional and psychological. This is the

beginning of freedom: freedom from our

thoughts.”

Meditation is another powerful tool. Like

asana and pranayama, it teaches you how

to become an observer of your own mind.

This allows you to become a witness to your

thoughts and emotions, to tease out what your

ego is telling you versus what your true self is

saying. “You begin to recognize what in you is

essential, as opposed to what you’ve acquired

through culture or family or as part of your mask

or persona,” says Kempton.

Cut yourself some slack

As you work to gain perspective on your ego,

there are a few things to keep in mind. First, it

requires tuning in to your feelings rather than

ignoring them. “Getting in touch with the Self is

not about trying to push away legitimate and real

parts of ourselves like ego, like anger, heartbreak,

or rage,” says Holcombe. “It’s about learning to

live from our authentic self rather than from these

other feelings and, in doing so, feeling better.”

Second, keep in mind that such inquiry is an

ongoing, lifelong practice without a road map.

It requires being gentle with ourselves, and we

don’t always have to get it right. “We are human

beings, and we are going to make mistakes,”

says Holcombe. Even if your behavior doesn’t

change—if you get defensive when a co-worker

disagrees with you in a meeting, or if you feel

inferior when a student doesn’t like your class—

it’s still helpful to recognize that these feelings

are your ego taking hold. “Just knowing that

allows you to stop and reflect, and either let it

go or, perhaps, respond differently if it happens

again,” says Holcombe.

Gwen Merrill didn’t give up on her yoga

practice; today, she says, she realizes that

feelings of inadequacy don’t define her—and

neither does the idea she had of herself as a

perfect yogini. “It took a few years to learn to

listen, for my inner voice to become louder than

that external noise,” she says. “When it did, I

accepted that Headstand just wasn’t good for

me.” Instead of trying to please the instructor

or compete with her neighbor, now when the

class starts doing Headstand, she politely asks

for another option—a telltale sign of an ego in

check.

Check your head

Meditating on the question “Who am I?” for as little as 5 minutes can help you look

beyond your ego’s definition of you and discover what lies beneath. By Sally Kempton

1 SETTLE INTO YOUR BODY.Come into a comfortable seated posture,

with your eyes closed, and your hands folded in your lap. Lengthen your

back, and let your chin move back so you feel as if your head is being

suspended by a cord from the ceiling. Scan your body, noticing and

softening any tightness in the shoulders, face, thighs, belly, arms, and

hands. Take 5 deep inhalations and exhalations.

2 FOCUS ON YOUR BREATH.Become aware of the rise and fall of the

breath. Let your breathing be natural and relaxed as it brings you into the

present moment. Feel the coolness of the breath as it flows in the nostrils,

and the warmth as it flows out. Notice where you feel the breath in your

body. Do you feel it in the chest and shoulders? In the diaphragm or belly?

3 QUIET THE MIND.Sensing the flow of the breath, inhale with the

thought “I am.” Feel the energy of the words mingling with your breath,

flowing into your inner body. Then, with the exhalation, feel the space

that these words leave in your consciousness. Continue to repeat the pure

mantra “I am” without attaching any other thoughts to it. Stay here for

several minutes if you can, allowing yourself to become more and more

relaxed.

4 PRACTICE INQUIRY.As your mind quiets, begin to drop in the

question, “Who am I, without words? Without thoughts? Without

memories or emotions?” Pay attention to the awareness that opens

up. If words or emotions arise, allow them to be there. Identify

them—“thoughts,” “sadness,” or “confusion”—and return to the

question. You’re not looking for an answer. Look past the answers

that arise to experience the bare awareness that is your sense of

being, of pure existence.

5 REST IN AWARENESS.This sense of pure existence is there, and as

you practice this meditation, it will eventually reveal itself. Continue

your inquiry, and see if you can gently rest for a second or two in

the wordless awareness that immediately follows the question. The

opening into awareness may last only for a few seconds. If you get

hung up on your thoughts, start over: Return to the breath, and

the mantra “I am.” Then, ask the question again, and notice what

arises. Stay with the practice for as few as 5 minutes or as many as 30

minutes. Then open your eyes, and return to your day.

Nora Isaacs is a writer and editor in the San Francisco Bay Area.