13 Ways of Looking
at Community
(Witha 14
th
ThrowninForFree)*WORDS:PARKERPALMER
Whetherweknowit ornot,likeit ornot,honourit
ornot,weareembeddedincommunity.Whether
wethinkofourselvesasbiologicalcreaturesor
spiritualbeingsorboth,thetruthremains:wewere
createdinandfora complexecologyofrelatedness,
andwithoutit wewitheranddie.Thissimplefacthas
criticalimplications:communityisnota goaltobe
achievedbuta gifttobereceived. Whenwetreat
communityasa productthatwemustmanufacture
insteadofa giftwehavebeengiven,it willeludeus
eternally.Whenwetryto“makecommunityhappen,”
drivenbydesire,designanddetermination—places
withinuswheretheegooftenlurks—wecanmakea
goodguessattheoutcome:wewillexhaustourselves
andalienateeachother,snappingtheconnections
weyearnfor.Toomanyrelationshipshavebeen
diminishedordestroyedbya drivetoward“community-
building”whichevokesa graspingthatistheopposite
ofwhatweneedtodo:relaxintoourcreated
conditionandreceivethegiftwehavebeengiven.Ofcourse,inourculture—aculturepremisedon
thenotionthatwemustmanufacturewhatever
wewantorneed—learningtorelaxandreceivea
giftrequireshardwork!Buttheworkofbecoming
receptiveisquiteunliketheexternalworkofbuilding
communalstructures,orgatheringendlesslyto“share”
and“solveproblems”:receptivityinvolvesinner
work. Communitybeginsnotexternallybutinthe
recessesofthehumanheart.Longbeforecommunity
canbemanifestinoutwardrelationships,itmust
bepresentintheindividualas“acapacityfor
connectedness”—acapacitytoresisttheforcesof
disconnectionwithwhichourcultureandourpsyches
areriddled,forceswithnameslikenarcissism,egotism,
jealousy,competition,empire-building,nationalismandrelatedformsofmadnessinwhichpsychopathology
andpoliticalpathologybecomepowerfullyintertwined.Wecultivatea capacityforconnectedness
throughcontemplation. BythisI donot
necessarilymeansittingcross-leggedandchanting
a mantra,thoughthatmayworkforsome.By
contemplationI meananywayonehasofpenetrating
theillusionofseparatenessandtouchingthereality
ofinterdependence.Inmylifethedeepestforms
ofcontemplationhavebeenfailure,sufferingand
loss.WhenI flourish,it iseasytomaintaintheillusion
ofseparateness,easytoimaginethatI aloneam
responsibleformygoodfortune.ButwhenI fall,I see
a secrethiddeninplainsight:I needotherpeople
forcomfort,encouragementandsupport,and
forcriticism,challengeandcollaboration. The
self-sufficiencyI feelinsuccessisa mirage.I need
community—and,if I openmyheart,I haveit.Themostcommonconnotationoftheword
“community”inourcultureis“intimacy,”but
thisisa trap. Whencommunityisreducedtointimacy,
ourworldshrinkstoa vanishingpoint:withhowmany
peoplecanonebegenuinelyintimateina lifetime?
Myconcept of community must be capacious enough
to embrace everything from my relation to strangers I
will never meet (e.g., the poor around the world to whom
I am accountable), to people with whom I share local
resources and must learn to get along (e.g., immediate
neighbours), to people I am related to for the purpose
of getting a job done (e.g., coworkers and colleagues).
Intimacy is neither possible nor necessary across
this entire range of relationships. But a capacity for
connectedness is both possible and necessary if we are
to inhabit the larger, and truer, community of our lives.*The title, and only the title, was inspired
by the poem “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a
Blackbird,” by Wallace Stevens. The subtitle
was inspired by late-night TV infomercials.E S S AYS 15