Dumbo Feather – July 2019

and alcohol. And I’ve had a lot of heartache in my life because of drug use and alcohol, both

personally and in my community. It was interesting because this person who does drug

repair therapy in a less clinical way was talking about how people who are using drugs and

drinking, they haven’t given up on feeling good like the rest of the population has! And there

was a time where I had just given up on feeling good. I just accepted that this was how it was

and that you just got through your day. And did your best to, you know, not lose it. [Laughs].

I think

No it can’t be. And I think again this is

where the suffering becomes so important

because there’s been some key moments

in my life where I’ve had these intense

experiences of suffering. Where I’m at now,

I wouldn’t take them back for anything.

They have been the moments that have pushed me into a different way of thinking and being

in the world. My beautiful teacher, Curtis Yates is his name. He was helping me work through

childhood trauma. And he was really focusing on forgiveness. He would share his own story

and how he had come to a place of forgiveness. It’s really heavy stuff. At that time in my life

I was full of hatred, I was full of anger. I was actually on a bit of a revenge mission even. Like,

“I’m going to hurt this person, they hurt me,” vibe. He said to me, “Think about where you

were when this all happened.” And I was about four years old and I was on a very suburban

street. He said, “Is there anybody that you think would have gone through it if you didn’t?”

And I just remembered this little girl who lived next door. I don’t even know her. But I still

feel so much dignity and honour in going through what I had to go through so that she didn’t

have to. Each one of those moments of intense suffering has shown two paths that I could

have gone down. There was one path that is just full of self destruction and hatred to the

world, and I’ve gone down it a good bunch of times! But it didn’t help, it didn’t heal, it didn’t

do anything. The other has been really important. Tending to wellness and feeling good has

had to be the priority. There’s a lot of honour in what we call suffering. I think the aversion

to it is worse than the suffering itself sometimes. It’s very Buddhist. But, you know. I’ve

had another beautiful experience when I was at the height of a pretty awful drug addiction.

I had a substance problem. So a bit of everything. And this beautiful Buddhist nun came

into my life. Again I was just going through the motions of trying to come to terms with the

things that had happened to me. And she shared that story of the Dalai Lama’s 2-IC whose

greatest fear when he was imprisoned was losing compassion for his perpetrator. There was

something so beautiful in that forgiveness that just freed me and I stopped worrying and

stopped focusing on the problems and trying to fix them.

The good stories. I’m still very active and engaged in the so-called

problems but it’s how I look at that. That person has been through that

struggle and look at how amazing they are doing. Look at this community that has had

everything taken away in terms of natural resources and look at what they’re creating now.

But how did you get there Lydia? Like how did you get to

a whole and wholesome and kind of integrated notion of

wellbeing? Because people talk to me about the wellness

industry and I want to shoot myself. I’m like, what is the wellness

industry? Like the commercialised notion of wholeness?

So what do you focus on instead?

the more that I’ve gone, “Actually, we’re here to feel

good, we’re here to focus on the things that make

us happy and peaceful,” the less tolerance I have

for the other stuff.

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