Page 24 Daily Mail, Friday, August 16, 2019
The first summer apart, they took
the girls on holiday separately — but
soon after arriving home, they
decided it didn’t feel right.
Fast forward to the summer of 2012,
and all four of them were holidaying
in one large tent in France — albeit
with Emily sharing a partitioned
‘room’ with the girls, while Howard
had a partitioned ‘room’ to himself.
And so a trend was set. In
subsequent years they have booked
three-bedroom chalets on campsites
in several regions of France.
‘When they were little, it was hard
work taking the kids on holiday on
your own because they needed
watching constantly, by the pool or
at the beach,’ says Emily.
‘With both of us there we could
take it in turns. It was much more
enjoyable for everyone.’
While many ex-couples would find
it awkward spending a fortnight in
such close proximity, Emily and
Howard insist they have it down to a
fine art.
Sources of frustration when they
were together have lost their sting.
For example, that Howard is a night
owl and Emily a morning lark was a
problem when they shared a bed.
Nowadays, she can turn in when she
pleases and enjoys the peace of early
mornings alone.
But what if one of them caught the
other in a moment of undress?
Although they have obviously seen
each other naked many times before
— and Howard witnessed Emily
give birth — they are now careful
about staying covered up in front of
one another.
‘Of course, I walk around in a bikini
in front of him,’ says Emily. ‘But Iwouldn’t dream of undressing in
front of him now. It’s not awkward
because there’s no longer any
chemistry between us.’
Howard concurs with Emily’s view
that, as parents, they have a
responsibility to put their children’s
needs first.
‘Our separation has been very
amicable and we’re both still single,
so we’re able to focus entirely on
our children,’ he says. ‘But, of
course, if either of us had another
partner, it would make it difficult to
go away together.’
Well-intentioned though they are,
could people who still holiday
with their ex be giving false hope to
their children?
While it’s painful to see your mum
and dad fighting or not speaking at
all, amicable holidays with separated
parents must be a torment for those
who long constantly for their mum
and dad to get back together.
Andrew G. Marshall, marital
therapist and author of I Love You
But I’m Not In Love With You,F
OR many busy parents, the
long summer holiday is a time
to unwind, to put life’s stresses
and strains to one side and to
really relax. And top of the ‘onone side’ pile are usually any ex-partners
who may be on the periphery.
Those wrangles over weekend custody
dates, problems with stepchildren and
historical grievances that you’ve worked all
year to keep contained can be left on the
Tarmac as you fly off.
What, then, to make of those women who
choose this most precious of times to holiday
with their ex-husbands?
Take Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow,
who ‘consciously uncoupled’ in 2014 but were
pictured last week on holiday with their new
partners — Brad Falchuk and Dakota Johnson
— in tow, acting as if it was the most normal
and enjoyable family set-up ever.
Like Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew, who
split 23 years ago but still get together for a
family holiday, some couples don’t let the small
matter of a divorce get in the way of a fun
break. In fact, they insist that holidaying as
exes is more enjoyable than travelling as a
married couple.
Some even insist that it’s the secret to
surviving separation.
Emily Wilkinson is one such mother. When
the 54-year-old loads up the car with her two
daughters for their annual trip to France, there
is an extra passenger: her ex-husband Howard
Lewis, 58. They have done this every year since
their marriage broke down in 2010.
With daughters Molly, 15, and Edie, 13, theexes even share a campsite chalet — or on one
occasion a tent — and appear to fellow
holidaymakers like any other married couple.
‘Two years ago in the Dordogne, we got
friendly with a couple who had children the
same age as ours and we never even
mentioned that we’re no longer together,’
says Emily. ‘Neither of us could be bothered
with all the explaining and justifying that
would follow.
‘People just assume you’re together. When
you say you’re not, you can tell from their
expressions they think you must be mad.’
Emily, a graphic designer, and Howard, who
works for the General Medical Council,
divorced in March last year and he has moved
out of the family home. Neither of them is in
any doubt that their relationship is beyond
hope of resurrection.
‘I’m not sure we were ever that well
matched, but we enjoyed each other’s
company,’ says Emily. ‘There was no bad
behaviour on either side but, over time, the
relationship broke down.’by Helen
Carroll
cautions that it could. ‘On the one
hand, it shows your children you can
still co-operate,’ he says.
‘On the other, a joint holiday can
raise expectations of a reunion —
and most children secretly hope for
a reconciliation, even if one parent
has remarried.’
A new marriage did not stop Judith
Broadbent, 61, and her ex David
going on holiday together years after
their divorce in 2007.
They say they simply ‘outgrew one
another’ and resolved to share the
care of their youngest child, Jack,
then eight.
When David met his second wife,
Vicky, 43, soon afterwards, Jack grew
close to his stepmum. Then, when
Jack turned 18 two years ago, David
and Vicky offered to take him to
Disney World in Florida to celebrate,
along with David’s older daughter
Liz, 30, and her two children.
But Jack said he would go only if
his mum came, too. Brave Judith
promptly agreed.
‘Vicky is a lovely person who wants
everyone to be happy. We all get
together for the children’s birthdays,
so I didn’t have any qualms abouttagging along,’ says Judith, a book
editor, who is still single.
Did she not feel a pang for the
marriage she once had when they
were all away together?
Not at all, she says. ‘They’re not a
kissy-kissy couple. I certainly never
felt like a gooseberry.’
The whole party even managed to
make light of their unusual set-up
when they went out for dinner one
night and David introduced them all
to the waiter, saying: ‘This is wife
number one, my ex-wife, and wife
number two, my new wife.’ The
waiter looked baffled.
However, there were occasional
tensions when Judith forgot she
had lost the ‘right’ to boss her
ex around.
‘We had a minor disagreement
about keeping the grandchildren
out of the heat,’ she says, ‘and I
caught Vicky looking at me as if to
say: “You’re talking like that to
my husband?”.
‘But we joined forces, too, teasing
Dave, calling him Victor Meldrew
from One Foot In The Grave when he
started moaning.’
For his part, when he is teased by
friends about going on holiday with
both Judith and Vicky, David
laughs it off, saying not many men
can boast of having been in a hot tub
with their wife and their ex-wife at
the same time.
He is similarly relaxed about their
unorthodox grouping.
‘It wasn’t weird at all,’ he says.
‘We’ve kept a good relationship
for the kids’ sake, and we’ve both
moved on.’
The passage of time since their
separation must surely have helped
Dave and Judith — but when
Keeley Foster and her ex-husband
Darren agreed to share not just a
holiday but a room at Disneyland
Paris, they had been apart for only
three months.
Keeley, a supervising social worker
from Chelmsford, Essex, and
Darren, a mechanic, had broken
the news of their separation as
gently as possible to their children,
13-year-old Callum and ten-year-
old Lia, in September 2015.
‘The first thing they asked was:
“Are we still going on holiday?”,’
says Keeley. ‘We couldn’t possibly
add to their upset by saying only
one of us would take them, so we
said: “Yes”.
‘I suppose if there had been
cheating on either side we wouldn’t‘I told the waiter,
this is wife one —
this is wife two!’
‘His new wife didn’t
like it when I told
him what to do’