Page 62 Daily Mail, Friday, August 16, 2019
Straight to the
POINT
LETTERS
Deal or no deal, let’s go!
IF IT is true there is no time between
now and October 31 for Brussels to
meet and agree to any changes the
UK desires, there are only two
options. We can go back to the EU
cap in hand and meekly apologise for
even considering leaving such a
wonderful organisation, or we leave
now without any agreement.
Should we Remain, as so many
politicians appear to believe we
should, does anyone think we will be
given favourable status or any
position of power?
Will we not be forced to agree to the
Federal States of Europe, a European
army and even adopt the euro?
Should these things happen, will our
young people find themselves job-
less, like so many across Europe?
Where is the plan to resolve the
problem of youth unemployment
among the EU’s grandiose ideas? It
is this lack of policy that is behind
my wish to leave the EU.
This will be hard on many of us, but
we will stand on our own feet and
make our own decisions.
The EU is on very shaky ground
and someone will have to pick up the
pieces, but it won’t be the UK.
ROY DEEGAN, Lincoln.
I HAVE followed the Brexit
shenanigans since the 2016 referen-
dum, but I’m now sick of the mess
created by our inept politicians.
My interest, not to mention my
faith, in the political process is dead.
We are sleep-walking towards an
October catastrophe. The crisis is
now and the terrible shame is that
it’s all of our making.
DOUG JENNINGS,
Mickleton, Glos.Hands-free fiasco
I AM surprised that the Commons
Transport Committee has called for
a ban on hands-free phone calls by
drivers (Mail) when having an
in-depth conversation with a
passenger is just as distracting.
I was caught making a phone call
on my mobile and received a £60 fine
and three points on my licence. So, I
had a hands-free system fitted and it
works well.
It is no more distracting than
day-dreaming at the wheel, eating a
sandwich while driving, having an
argument with your wife who is in the
passenger seat or listening to a
documentary on the radio.
If there is a ban, who will foot the
bill to compensate the car giants
who have spent millions on hands-
free systems and the drivers who
have paid for them to be installed?
Name supplied, Rugby, Warks.
IN MODERN cars, mundane actions
such as altering the temperature are
a dangerous distraction due to the
fashion for touchscreens.
Even turning on the fan to clear
mist from the windscreen requiresI need a rest from a
hectic retirement
Rhyme For
Our Time
Out of the mouths of babes
IT WAS usual on Sundays
after dinner to go as a family
to visit Grandma, who would
be sitting in her big armchair,
just a bit higher than anyone
else, just like Queen Victoria.
One Sunday she said to myyounger brother, in a stern,
commanding voice: ‘Are your
shoes clean, Dennis?’
His reply was: ‘Yes, Grandma.
It’s my feet that are dirty.’
Nick Carter,
North Hykeham, Lincs.Sign language
n BEING the Dog Star is a
Sirius matter.
Rhod Tibbles,
Norwich, Norfolk.n DOES a retired bank
manager suffer from
withdrawal symptoms?
Tony Sandy, Kilmarnock.Your jokes
WHY do the French like snails
so much?
Because they don’t like
fast food.
Eric Byrne, Birmingham.Wordy Wise
VERBAL TEA — chat over a cuppa.
VERBAL REMEDY — advice
received from talking about
one’s problems.
Dave Cullen, Leeds.÷ SEND your contributions to Peterborough, Daily Mail Letters, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TTHOLD THE FRONT PAGE:
I spotted this funny,
self-deprecating blue
plaque at the Beaver Inn,
Appledore, Devon.
Ian Adair,
Barnstaple, Devon.email: [email protected]
Oh, Mr Johnson, please
say it’s true,
We’re on the road
to freedom
And we’re leaving the EU.
Tell them all in Brussels
We’re better on our tod.
Oh, Mr Johnson, you’re a
tonic like Ken Dodd!
Harry Santiuste,
Doncaster, S. Yorks.Limerick
At the seaside it pays to
be wise,
You must look seagulls
straight in the eyes,
’Cos if you look away,
They’ll ruin your day
By nicking your chips and
pork pies.
I. G. Fenner,
New Milton, Hants.The Mail is published by ANL, 2 Derry St, London W8 5TT. Printed by Harmsworth Printing (Thurrock) Essex; Reach Printing Services (Oldham)
Ltd; Smurfit News Press Kells; JPI Media Ltd Portsmouth; Newsprinters (Broxbourne) Ltd. Newsprinters (Knowsley) Ltd. KP Services (Jersey)
Ltd, Recoprint Sagunto, SL, Valencia; Recoprint Dos Hermanas, SL, Sevilla; TFPrint, SA, Tenerife; Omniprint, SA, Mallorca; Mediterranee Offset
Print SA, France; Europrinter, Gosselies, Belgium; IRIS A.E.B.E SA; Estetik Yayincilik As, Turkey. Deposito legal: M. 10.489-1966 8/6/09
SWAN-UPMANSHIP:
Seen on the Peasholm
Park boating lake in
Scarborough.
Godfrey Holmes,
Withernsea, E. Yorks.Write to: Daily Mail Letters,
2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT
email: [email protected]me to take my eyes off the road
several times to find the application,
function and button.
In the days of twiddling knobs, I
was able to do this by feel. I wonder
how many accidents have been
caused by such poor design.
PHILIP BASSETT, Bracknell, Berks.
IF CAR phones are banned, then
surely satnavs on the dashboard will
have to go. Why not go the whole
hog and ban badly behaved children
bickering in the back seat?
CAROL LESLEY, London N12.
IS IT not possible for an in-car
system to prevent the use of a mobile
phone while the ignition is switched
on? Simples!
W. MacKENZIE, Brora, Sutherland.Ridiculous advert ban
WHAT has happened to our sense of
humour? Adverts used to be funny
or serious, but their purpose was to
inform and sell products.
There was no intention to indoctri-
nate us into politically correct ways
of thinking. But after only three
complaints from the public, an
advert has been banned for showing
a woman sitting beside a pram.
It has been deemed offensive, as it
implies women are only capable of
being a carer or mother instead of
aspiring to being a brain surgeon orPETERBOROUGH
Extraordinary
MY BROTHER PETE
by Dennis Kostiria
PETE faced the sort of difficulties in
life that most of us can only
imagine, yet he managed to stay
good-natured. There were 13
children in our Nottingham family,
of whom Pete — who was always
known by his middle name — was
the fourth youngest.
Our mother was English and our
father, a factory worker, was a
Ukrainian who came here after
World War II.
When Pete was 18 and working as a
trainee lace-cutter at
Nottingham’s Lace Market, his boss
brought him home one day
because he had been ‘behaving
strangely’. Soon afterwards hewas diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Medication controlled the
condition, but he was never able
to pursue a career, though he did
various jobs, often unpaid.
He was a good-looking young man,
popular with the girls, sociable
and kind. He loved going to dances
and had a natural sense of rhythm
which I, a year younger and not
half as handsome or talented,
admired and envied. The girls
would tug at his arm, eager to
dance with him.
On one occasion, he noticed a girl
on her own, crying because her
boyfriend had just left her for
someone else. Pete comforted her
and her tears soon turned to
smiles. In 1987, they married and
went on to have two children. ButIt had only been a week
Since she’d said goodbye,
Twenty years had flown
In the blinking of an eye.
Of course, she felt regret
As she took her leave,
But she wasn’t too upset —
She’d new things up
her sleeve.
She decided to
indulge herself,
Find lots of things to do,
Join a gym to keep in shape
And search out pastures new.
She would start making jam
When she joined the WI,
But then had
second thoughts —
She’d far rather learn to fly.
She mused this way for hours
On what was going to be,
As with so much time to spare
At last she would be free.
Then suddenly the
phone rang
Ending all reverie:
‘Hi Mum,’ said her son,
‘We’ll be over for our tea.‘The kids are coming with us;
‘We know that’ll make
you happy,
‘We’re bringing lots
of toys
‘Together with some nappies.
‘We thought you
wouldn’t mind
‘Now you don’t have
much to do,‘To babysit for us
‘Just for a day or two.
‘We’re both quite exhausted
‘So we really need a rest,
‘And it will keep you occupied.
‘Thanks Mum, you’re the best.’
When the phone rang again
It was her other half.
‘I’ll be home within
ten minutes
‘So could you run the bath?
‘What is there for supper?
‘My day’s been just like hell,
‘And I’m absolutely starving —
‘A fry-up would do well.’
The next-door neighbour
then popped in
With a lengthy shopping list.
‘Sorry, but my car’s
broken down
‘So I hope you can assist.’
At that she’d had enough.
Unwavering, she didn’t shirk.
She rang her former boss
and said:
‘I’m coming back to work!’
Janet Byrne,
Harrow, Middlesex.THE milkman is making a
comeback (Mail)? I’ve had
glass bottles delivered for
52 years and wouldn’t dream
of buying a supermarket
plastic pinta.
JEAN COOPER, Bletchley, Bucks.
‘WILL you walk into my
parlour?’ said the spider,
Trump’s national security
adviser John Bolton, to the fly,
Boris Johnson.
M. D. YORK, Rugby, Warks.
THE Sports Minister’s time
would be better spent
regulating betting firms, not
picking on Wayne Rooney.
D. W. G. HANNS, Fareham, Hants.
HOUSE of Commons Speaker
John Bercow says ‘we are a
democratic society’ — but only
when it suits him.
PHIL JOHNS, Penzance, Cornwall.
THE phrase ‘me and my wife’
(Letters) is sloppy, but ‘my
wife and I’ sounds almost
regal. Is there no in between?
F. BERRESFORD, Northampton.÷÷÷÷÷Follow-up
UNDERGOING RAF basic
training at an airfield in
Lincolnshire, we had a 6ft 6in
airman named Hyland in our
flight. Because of his height, he
was made right marker in our
marching column.
The surface of the apron we
paraded up and down on had
continuous, bitumen lines
between the concrete paving.
Unfortunately, Hyland had the
habit of following these lines —
which often curved away, so he
veered off to the right.
One day, while he was going
into the distance by himself,
our drill corporal, an Irishman
with a wry sense of humour,
bellowed: ‘Hyland, what do you
think you are? A ruddy tram?’
No laughter was permitted.
Paul Turner, Manchester.Picture that!
Anagram
Nigel Farage
=
Engage flair
P. Joiner, Woodford Green, Essex.One-line philosophers