QQQ Daily Mail, Friday, August 16, 201984 THE ASHES SECOND TEST
THE ASHES
MARTIN
SAMUEL
Chief Sports Writer
at Lord’sTHAT’S
GOT TO
HURT!
Paine’s decision to put
England in shows how
little respect Aussies
have for our batsmen
L
arry Bird, the
basketball legend,
had a very firm idea
of when he was being
disrespected. ‘i
didn’t care who guarded
me,’ Bird recalled. ‘red,
yellow, black. i just didn’t
want a white guy. Because
that was disrespect.’
Bird, who is white, once made his
point midway through a game
between Boston Celtics and
Chicago Bulls. Chicago put Ben
Poquette, a Caucasian, on him.
Bird walked over to the opposing
coach, doug Collins. ‘Ben
Poquette, are you f****** kidding
me?’ he asked. He then scored 41
points in the Celtics’ win.
respect is an important concept
in all sport, and it was in short
supply at Lord’s yesterday morn-
ing, too. Faced with the prospect
of a relatively benign surface,
august sunshine and what the
forecasters confidently believed
was going to be the best batting
day, australia won the toss and
elected to bowl. That must have
hurt. it was a decision that
screamed its absence of regard for
English technique and resolve.
australia may say the polite
thing when the microphones are
on, but there was no sugar-coating
that call. Captain Tim Paine
(below) did not fancy England’s
ability to last the day, even in
the most gentle conditions. He
thought them irretrievably dam-
aged having lost at Edgbaston. He
thought them incapable of accu-
mulating a Test-winning first
innings score. and he was right.
Bird trash-talked because he
could. He was a genius baller,
among the best there will ever be.
in a match against the dallas
Mavericks in 1986, he walked over
to their bench and detailed
the next Celtics play. ‘So
you got that?’ he asked.
‘i’m going to stand right
here. i’m not going to
move. They’ll pass me the
ball and the next sound
you hear will be it hitting
the bottom of the net.’
and then he
remained still
and thenext point unfolded exactly as
he predicted. There was no one
like him.
Chuck Person, a forward with the
indiana Pacers, once said that
before a match in the holiday
season Bird announced he had a
present for him. Person was sitting
on the bench when Bird received
the ball beyond the court’s right
arc, directly in his line of vision. He
turned sideways, told Person
‘Merry f***ing Christmas’ and
launched it through the hoop.
So backing the arrogance up is
important, too. This is what
England must be hoping: that
yesterday, ever so slightly, Paine
overplayed his hand. He spurned
the chance to amass a punishing
score, to bat all day and put the
squeeze on England, and didn’t
quite get there with the ball.
Not quite. England’s score was
disappointing, 258 all out. yet with
australia 30 for one at close and
three days of inclement weather to
come — certainly today, which
is predicted to be largely
washed out — it may yet prove an
opportunity lost.
rory Burns, Jonny Bairstow and
the redoubtable Chris Woakes all
hung around long enough to frus-
trate australia just a little. and
while it wasn’t much of a total it
removed enough time from an
already truncated game to make
the draw, at least, more likely —
notwithstanding the optimistic
hope of an australian collapse.
Given that Steve Smith is yet to
bat, few are putting their eggs in
that basket just yet. Smith has
now assumed full bogeyman
status in the mind of the
English cricket lover,
although gallows humour
remains a forte.
at the tube station local to
Lord’s, passengers alighting
were met by the following
announcement as the doors
opened. ‘Welcome to St John’s
Wood. anyone who has any
idea how to get Steve Smithout, please report to the England
dressing-room.’
Everyone laughed and smiled.
No one looked as if they were
planning to knock on captain Joe
root’s door.
Maybe it is this mood, the una-
voidable crisis that followed Eng-
land’s disintegration at Edgbas-
ton, that informed Paine’s decision
yesterday morning. He cannot
have missed the trepidation that
Smith’s appearance brings, the
confidence that exudes from him
in direct contrast to England’s
batsmen, so many of whom are on
trial or struggling for form.
and it is not just the technical
failings that make australia fancy
their chances, it is the predica-
ment, the pressure, the doubts
from without. No one is sure if
Jason roy is an opening batsman,
nobody is convinced that Joe
denly is a Test cricketer, the famed
middle order appears to have been
emotionally wiped by the World
Cup and Moeen ali has already
been chased out of the series.
There are just too many players
struggling with baggage —
without factoring in another, veryobvious, reason why australia
might have their tails up. The
bowling. Excellent quicks and the
best spinner in Nathan Lyon, aus-
tralia were outstanding yesterday.
if they had a plan, they stuck to it.
if that plan wasn’t working they
swiftly found one that did.
Woakes, who was doing wonders
as usual at No 8, was peppered
into submission by Pat Cummins,
struck savagely on the helmet and
gone in the same over. When
Stuart Broad looked like becom-
ing a nuisance, keeping Bairstow
company and taking the bowlers
on, Lyon whipped through a quick
one, 56 mph, which zipped through
his guard and rattled the stumps.
Josh Hazlewood was quite
superb. it is easy to see why Paine
has faith in this attack — yet, even
so, he might have given them the
day off had England’s batsmen
made him think twice.
When Broad, rising to the
occasion as he so often does with-
out Jimmy anderson, clean bowled
david Warner it looked as if Eng-
land might have found the perfect
response to so much australian
swagger. Conditions were certainlyworse for the tourists yesterday
evening and, suddenly, they had 20
overs to survive against Jofra
archer, floodlights on, three slips,
a gully and a short leg. Every ball
looked like it could be a wicket at
that stage. yet as the danger
slowly passed, australia glided
through to 30 for one at close, and
will certainly consider it their day.
Had England been able to bring
Smith to the crease — heavens,
had they been able to get him out,
too, there would be cause for con-
fidence. instead, australia will
hope to bat when they can today
and then build a proper score in
better conditions on Saturday.
That is the plan. Bat once, and
then bank on an English collapse
on Sunday. That is how rotten,
how damaged, how totally short
they think England are after just
one Test.
another day when Bird was
playing the indiana Pacers they
put a kid on him, George McCloud.
Bird strolled up to Pacer coach
dick Versace. ‘i know you guys are
desperate,’ he said, ‘but can’t you
find someone who at least has
a prayer?’РЕЛИЗ ПОДГОТОВИЛА ГРУППА "What's News" VK.COM/WSNWSQQQ