Woman’s Own – 19 August 2019

‘Mostofusareableto

organiseoursandour

children’slives without

nannying’

Dawn Neesom

Woman’sOwn

COLUMNIST

Surgerymadness

Crossyourlegsladies,because

thefirstvaginaspais

comingto

theUK.Thiswilloffer

tightening,

steaming,‘orgasmboosting

treatments’andagold

bikini

wax.I’mfartoosqueamish

to

thinkhowtheyachieve

some

ofthesethings,butare

there

reallywomenwhoworry

they

don’thavesupermodel-style

ladybits?Andintheinterests

ofequality,aretheygoing

to

offermentreatments,

too?Asif

we’retalkingorgasm

boosting,

Ithinkalittlelightextension

might help? I’m not talking lofts.

G

oingbacktoschool

aftertheendofa long

summerholidayis never

a goodthingforkids.

Butnowa teamof‘experts’

reckonthatit’sactuallytheparents

whoneedbabyingthroughthis

process.Yes,really.They’veeven

drawnupan‘attack’plantoget

muddledmillennialsthroughthe

minefieldthatis,er,makinga

packedlunchandsortinggymkit.

Withthreeweekstogo,it’ssuggested

youintroducea newhobbysoyourchild

reallyappreciatestheirremainingholiday

time.And– here’sa shocker– trygetting

them to spend some time outdoors.

Anothercrackeris freelydiscussing

‘afterschoolclubs’and‘co-curricular

activities’aroundthedinnertable.

Thenextpieceofstatingthebleedin’

obviousadvicesuggestsa sleeproutine

(becausenoparenthasevertried that?)

andpractisingtheschoolrun.

Myparticularfavouritewashowtoplan

packedlunches– whichis waymore

complicatedthanyouthink.Really.For

youngerkids,theadviceis togetthemto

picktheirfivefavouritelunchesandrotate

them on a weekly basis to avoid tantrums.

Whatisn’texplainedis how

tocopewhenthechoices

involveTurkeyTwizzlers,

MarsBarsanda bagof

Haribo.Ora giantTwix.

Incredibly,thisadvice

hasbeenputtogetherby

teachersanda clinicalchild

psychologist.Whoeven

thinksit’snecessaryto

adviseparentstogoandbuystationery.

Likewhoeverseriouslyforgetsthat?

Theadvicealsocoversteethcleaning,

uniformputtingonandhowtoprepare

a waterbottle.Yes,it’sa stressfultimeof

year,butdowereallyneedtobetoldhow

todoeverything?Mostofusarecapable

oforganisingoursandourchildren’slives

withoutconstantnannying.Adviceis

alwayswelcome.As for endless, needless

condescending

instructions?

Not so much.

D

atingappTinder’s

most‘swiped-right’

manis a 29-year-old

modelcalledStefan-

PierreTomlin.

Hereckonsanyonecan

maketheirsocialmedia

picturesmoreattractiveby

followinga fewsimplesteps.

Theseincludeposingagainst

a brightlycolouredbackground,

havingonefunorsexybeachphoto,

andfeaturingdifferentactivitiesand

hobbieswithphotosofyourselfin

coollocations.Justonesmallcatch.

Stefan-Pierreis 6ft2inofpurehunk.

Possiblywhyhis

pictures work?

PHOTOS: GETTY/CAPITOL RECORDS

Stating the

obv iou s!

What’syouropinion?

Tell Dawn on Twitter @DawnNeesom

Tinder tips

Dowereally

needtopractise

the school run?

Preparingalunchbox

isn’t rocket science

Richclub

InternetgiantGoogle

hasrackedupan£18million

billforanextravagant

climate-changebashfor

A-listcelebritiesincluding

KatyPerryandPrince

Harry.

Thisinvolved (^114) private
mega jets,
gas-guzzlingyachtsand
an£800-a-nightresort
witha
well-wateredgolfcourse.
AndafewMaseratis
thrown in too.
Katy
Perry
Stephan-Pierre
Tomlinis hugely
popular on Tinder