Woman’s Own – 19 August 2019

WORDS:

FRANCES

LEATE

AND

LUCY

LAING.

PHOTOS:

GARYROBERTSPHOTO.COM

H

idingawayinthetoiletcubicle

atwork,I wipedmyeyes

withsometissueandtried

desperatelytostiflethesobs

asmychestheaved.

Waitinguntilit wasquiet,I openedthe

toiletdoorandwenttothesinktosplash

coldwateronmyface.

Mycolleaguehadjustbeenin toshow

offhernewborndaughter,and

I’dbeenthefirsttoholdout

myarmsandtakethetiny

baby.I kissedthesofthair

onherheadandtookin her

sweetbabysmellasshe

wriggledinmyarms.‘She’s

justperfect!’I’dgrinned,

beforepassingherback.

ButthenI’dhadtoruntothe

ladies’lootolockmyselfaway

andcrysilently.Today,thelongingache

in myhearthadbeenoverwhelming.

A monthearlier,in April2001,I had

beendiagnosedwithendometriosisand

polycysticovaries,andmygynaecologist

hadtoldmethatI wouldneverhave

children.Showingmea scanofmywomb,

she’dexplainedhowmyleftovaryhad

collapsedandmyrightFallopiantube

wasblocked.‘There’sjusttoomuch

damage,’she’dsaid.‘I’mafraidyour

chancesofeverhavingchildrenare

non-existent,evenif youhadIVF.’

I wasonly 24 and,

desperatetohavea big

family– meandmypartner,

Matthew,24,hadbeen

tryingforseveralyears.As

Matthewhadledmeout

ofthehospital,a lookof

disappointmentonhisface,

I feltutterlybereft.Thelife

I’dassumedwouldbemine

sinceI wasa littlegirlwas

nevergoingtohappen.

‘I feelI’veletyoudown,’

I sobbedtoMatthew.‘We’re

fineasweare,’heinsisted.

Rebeccawith

herbabybump

Matthewand

Rebecca,aged^19

worth the wai

My little girl was

It took 20 years, butRebeccaKelsall,42,is finallya mum

Wespokeaboutadoption– buteven

withthedoctor’sbleakdiagnosis,I still

couldn’tgiveuphopeofhavingourown

babyoneday.

Inthemeantime,I knewI hadtotry

toacceptournewfutureandbegrateful

forwhatwedidhave.Wehada homeof

ourown,I lovedmyjobasa carer,and

Matthewwasgreatathisjobasa window

engineer.Wehadbrilliant

friendsanda goodsocial

life.Didwereallyneeda

babytobehappy?

Wetriedourbest,putting

ona bravefacelikeI had

withthenewmumatwork

thatday– andin themonths

thatfollowed,escapingon

holidays.Buteverytimehis

nephewcametovisit,I saw

thejoyonMatthew’sfaceasheplayed

rounderswithhimin thegarden,andI felt

theyearningtobea mumcreepback.

InOctober2003,MatthewandI got

marriedin ourlocalchurch– andsix

monthsafterthewedding,I sawa

differentgynaecologistfora checkup.

‘I’velookedatyour

mostrecentscanand

I thinkwecanputyou

forwardforIVF,’he

said.Heexplainedthat

myleftovaryhad

‘I tried to

stifle the

sobs as

my chest

heaved’

recovered on its own, which

was very rare, and there

was a small flow going

through my previously

blocked Fallopian tube.

‘So I might be able to

conceive?’ I said eagerly.

The gynaecologist nodded

and I gripped Matthew’s

hand. We couldn’t contain

our excitement, but there

was a long, excruciating

wait to get seen.

Not giving up

We waited patiently as

the months and then years

rolled by – and I suffered

bouts of anxiety and

depression,whichdelayed

thetreatmentfurther.

Finally,though,inMarch

2009,bothaged32,we

hadourfirstmeetingat

theCareFertilityclinicinSheffield.It was

thereI wastoldthat,at7stand5ft4intall,

I wouldneedtoputona stonein order

toqualifyforIVF.

I’dalwaysbeensmall

andweleftthemeeting

feelingfrustratedand

disappointed.We’d

overcomeonehurdleonly

tobemetwithanother.

Still,I hadn’tcomethis

fartogiveupyet.Butit

tookmethreeyearsof

eatingbighome-cooked

mealsandtreatingmyself

toa twiceweeklytakeaway

beforeI managedtogetup

to7st13lbin June2012.

I wasacceptedfor

IVFandwassoonbeing

injectedwithhormonesto

producemoreeggs,then

theywerethentakenout

andfertilisedwithMatthew’s

Bobbi-Grace in

her mum’s arms