http://www.drum.co.za 15 AUGUST (^2019) | 15
Olwethu’s rapist broke into his room in the
early hours of Christmas day in 2015. He
robbed and raped him as he repeatedly told
him he wasn’t a man who gets arrested.
‘It takes all yourdignity
from you’
GALLO IMAGES/GETTY IMAGES
glar and wanted to go back to Joburg im-
mediately.
“When something like this happens to
you, it takes something from you. In my
head I was hiding it, so I packed my bags
and tried to cut my stay short.”
But his mother was having none of it.
“She saw right through me,” Olwethu
recalls.
“She insisted I tell her the real reason
why I was leaving, and I eventually gave
i n .”
His mother and
grandmother both
rallied around him
and accompanied
him to the police station – where more
humiliation awaited him.
“My mother explained to the police-
man that her child had been raped and
he asked her, ‘Where is the child?’ When
she said it was me, he asked us to our
faces, ‘How does a man get raped by an-
other man?’”
Olwethu, who is openly gay, eventually
madea statementandthenwenttohos-
pitalwherehisordealcontinued.
Thejuniordoctorondutytoldhimhe
didn’tknowhowtoconducttheexami-
nation.“Sohecalleda seniordoctorwho
examinedmeandadministereda test.
“Buthealsosaidhewasn’tsureif hewas
doingit properlyanddidn’treallyknow
whathadtobedone.”
Olwethushakeshishead.
“Canyouimaginebeingina roomwith
allthesemen,doc-
torsandpolicemen,
whoaresupposed
tobehelpingyou
butyoucanfeelthe
mockeryandjudgmentwhileyoulieon
a table,exposed?It takesallyourdignity
fromyou.”
Butthedoctormanagedtogather
enoughphysicalevidenceandthepolice
startedtoinvestigate,andhisrapistwas
soonarrested.
AddingsalttoOlwethu’swoundswas
thefactthatsomemembersofhisfami-
About10%ofallreportedrapecasesinvolve
adultmenbeingviolated,saysReesMannof
thenon-profitgroupSouthAfricanMale
SurvivorsofSexualAbuse.
“Rapeisnotaboutsex,it’saboutpowerand
controlandit’sabouthumiliatingthevictim.
Menare 10 timeslesslikely[thanwomen]to
reportthattheywereraped,fora numberof
reasons:ourlawenforcementisn’ttrainedto
dealwithitandthereisthestigmaofa male
beingraped.
“Malesareconsideredprotectors,sothe
firstquestiontheygetaskedis,‘Whydidyou
notprotectyourself?’Andit’scommonly
believedthatifyouwererapedthenyoumust
begayortherapewillchangeyoursexual
identity.
“Maleswhodocomeforwardarere-
traumatisedatpolicestationsandiftheytell
theirfriendstheyaren’tsupportedbecause
malesdon’tsupportmalevictims.”
Malerapesurvivorswhodon’tgetcoun-
sellingarelikelytobecomeseverelydepressed
andanxiousandcandevelopaddictionsto
drugs,sexorworktotrytocope,Mannsays.
Thereis“verylittle”inplacetohelpmen.
“Ourorganisationreceivesnofundingand
peoplearescaredtofunditbecausesociety
thinksmalesareonlytheperpetrators,not
thevictims.
“Butifyouarea maleandyouhavebeen
raped,youcancontactus– wewillbeableto
assistyou.”
MALE SEXUAL ASSAULT
ly didn’tbelievehe’dbeenviolated – and
those who did said things like, “he de-
served it” and that “he’s gay so obviously
he would be raped”.
T
HE court case moved at a
snail’s pace. Olwethu made
frequent trips between Joburg
and the Eastern Cape only to
find the trial had been post-
poned.
“Either there was loadshedding, or
there was a backlog or sometimes the
court’s recording devices weren’t work-
ing,” he says.
All the while he’d encounter his rapist
in the court corridors as he had been re-
leased on R400 bail.
There was a sense of relief when the
trial finally ended and the man was given
a 12-year sentence for rape and two years
for housebreaking.
“What kept me going during the trial
was the hope that he would go away for
what he did to me,” Olwethu says.
“I thought even if he only got two years
he would know what he did was wrong.
I sleep easier now knowing my rapist is
in a cell, that he is off the streets and can-
not harm anyone else.”
He is sharing his story now so other
men who have had similar experiences
“can find their strength, through my sto-
ry, to come out with their own story”.
Olwethu says he has just started
monthly talks with rape victims, called
Conversations with Olwethu. “I have
been getting a lot of messages from
men and women who want to share
their stories with me.
“What I want to do with Conversations
with Olwethu is create a safe space
where people can talk about their expe-
riences and where we can educate our
communities that male rape happens.
Just because some people find it strange
doesn’t make it a less serious issue.”NEWS