Avenues – August 2019

HUMANS OF ŌTAUTAHI

48

“Asa girl,wholeftschoolatsixteen,I
neverdreamedofuniversityeducationor
inadulthoodgaininga Ph.D.inchemistry.I
didn’tknowaboutmyMāoriheritageuntila
fewyearsago.I hadnoidea.I wasbroughtup
entirelyPākehābutthefirsttimeI stepped
ontoa Maraetogotoa tangi,I feltcompletely
athomeandthatthisisthewaydeathshould
bedealtwith.AndthenI feltcompelledto
learnthelanguagea fewyearsago.NowI
haveanMAinMāoriandIndigenousStudies.
MyspokenTeReoisnotsogood;there’s
a lovely word in Māori, whakamā – it’s

WAIMAIRIBEACH

Jan

facebook.com/humansofchch

kindofa mixtureofperformanceanxiety,

embarrassment,shyness– whenI trytohave

a conversationI gettongue-tied,butI can

writea passableessay.I lovebrightcolours

andeveryone’salwayscommentingonhow

I neverhavebeigeorwhateveron,butI’m

onlyjustgainingconfidencenow.I camefrom

beinga childwhoalwaysfeltoverlooked,then

a personunderonedominationoranother

and[it]tooka longtimetohavethecourage

tobeme.NowpeoplethinkI couldn’tever

havebeenthatway,buta lotofthetime I feel

like I’m still like that underneath.”