We have, she says, reached “peak self-care”, which
has created a “generation of cosseted citizens who
hesitate to engage with the world”. FOMO has
become fear of moving out (of the family home), pet
dogs have become therapy dogs, universities now
label any vaguely un-PC text with trigger warnings,
and people seek out ‘hyper-safe places’ – a luxury
retreat, perhaps, or the couch for a 10-hour box-set
binge. And who can blame us for retreating into the
metaphorical bubble wrap, given the climate
emergency, political uncertainty and constant noise
of bad news?RICHNESS AND DEPTH
American psychologist and author of iGen: Why
Today’s Super-Connected Kids are Growing up Less
Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy – and Completely
Unprepared for Adulthood, Jean Twenge, says that
people’s concern for their physical safety has spread
to their emotional safety. Two examples she cites
include, “I don’t want to talk to someone who
disagrees with me” and “I don’t want to go to that
party because I might be uncomfortable.” Er, anyone
mention ‘snow ake’?
Chris Johnstone, a resilience coach and author of
Seven Ways to Build Resilience: Strengthening Your Ability
to Deal with Dif cult Times, says that you can’t
anaesthetise your way out of uncomfortable situations.
“The best way out is through the discomfort.”
The ‘comfort trap’, as he puts it, is fuelling a
mental health crisis. In her research, Jean observed
a big uptick in anxiety and depression in the early
2010s, just when smartphones went mainstream.
According to the American Psychiatric Association,ow to harness
positive discomfort
GIVE DISCOMFORT NEW MEANING
If you see it as bad, you’ll try to avoid it. Turn it into a
positive and you can go on much more signifi cant journeys.ACCEPT THE DISCOMFORT
Don’t give yourself a hard time because you’re feeling
uncomfortable. Instead, ask yourself what good can come from it.FIND A BUDDY
Having someone who can cheer you on can help you through.APPLY POSITIVE SELF-TALK
If your best friend were beside you, what would they say?FIND YOUR PURPOSE
It’ll give you a reason to bear the discomfort.39% of US adults felt more anxious in 2018 than
they had the previous year. “Research tells us the
path to happiness is not necessarily easy,” says Jean.
“It’s easier to sit at home and watch the telly, but it’s
not as likely to lead to happiness.”
By indulging in the path of least resistance – that
gravitational pull towards the sofa and the rabbit
hole of Instagram – we’re essentially allowing our
resilience muscle to atrophy. “There’s that lovely
saying, ‘A ship in the harbour is safe, but that’s not
what ships are built for,’” says Chris. “If you’re put off
going outside your comfort zone, you’re not going to
travel very far. But when you have the richness and
depth of emotional engagement, you have to expect
bumpiness as well.”AGREE TO DISAGREEMENT
And so, circling begins to make more sense. It is, in
fact, just one of a raft of novel solutions that offer
positive discomfort. Take Polarize, an app that
connects users with those with different attitudes so
they can debate anything from gun violence
to marijuana legalisation. Meanwhile, the ‘slow
news’ platform Tortoise Media hosts ThinkIns- live conversations that are, it says, “a forum for
civilised disagreement”.
With our online lives being silently curated by
like-driven algorithms – thus con ning us to what
The Future Laboratory calls a ‘ lter bubble’ – we
actually need more ‘productive disagreement’. “When
technology makes it easier to wall yourself off, it’s
predictable that society becomes more polarised
and that we increasingly view people we disagree
with as hostile,” says Greg Lukianoff, co-author of
The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions
and Bad Ideas are Setting up a Generation for Failure. But
it’s only through listening to uncomfortable ideas,
he says, that we get to “test out and hone our own
beliefs – and it’s important to do that”.
ROAM TO A NEW ZONE
What about countering our couch-potato lifestyles?
If your life is spent chasing comfort, consider instead
a bracing swim in the sea, joining a boxing club or
going to lunch with a colleague you’ve barely spoken
to. Kathryn talks about the ‘pain therapy’ of extreme
tness, where your blisters and bruises serve as helpful
reminders of your trip to the discomfort zone.
A key consideration is ensuring that the discomfort
remains positive, as opposed to con rmation of the
belief that the sofa is best. For that, it needs to be
a realistic stretch, not Everest. Chris sees the balance‘A SHIP IN THE
HARBOUR IS SAFE
BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT
SHIPS ARE BUILT FOR’
42 NEXT / SEPTEMBER 2019