84 yourfamily.co.zaIS EMPATHY
EMPATHY ISCRUCIALTOBUILDINGMEANINGFULRELATIONSHIPS,BUTBECOMING
CAUGHT INTHE‘EMPATHYTRAP’CANHAVENEGATIVECONSEQUENCES
E
mpathy allowsustoshareotherpeople’s
emotions andseefromtheirperspectives.
It’s how we bondandcometogether,and
helps us feel understoodandheardbyothers.
Empathy can be overwhelminglypositive,moving
you to tears of joyasyouwatchpeopleyoucare
for overcome setbacks,orembarkonmilestone
moments like gettingmarriedorgivingbirth.
However, empathycanalsobedevastating.
We’re constantly presentedwithhumansuffering,
from beggars at thesideoftheroadtosocialmedia
stories about painandhardship,tofriends,family
and co-workers enduringunimaginablechallenges.
Becoming consumedbyotherpeople’smisfortunes
can leave you feelingdepressedorevenpitchyou
into despair, to thepointwhereyouneglectyour
own needs and feelings.Sohowdoyoudraw
the line between remainingcompassionateand
spiralling into unrestrainedempathy?THEEMPATHYTRAP
It’snormal–and,indeed,necessary–toputotherpeople’sfeelingsbeforeour
ownsometimes.Forexample,alargepartofbeingaparentinvolvesdepriving
yourselfofsleeptoprovidecare,sacrificingtimeandmoneytoputtowards
necessitiesandfunforyourfamilyand,ofcourse,thelittlethings:forgoinga
NetflixbingeandaglassofwinetowatchFrozenforthe100thtimewiththe
littleone,anyone?Insuccessfuladultrelationships,wealsosometimesallow
ouremotionsandneedstotakeabackseatinordertofavourthoseofour
partners.However,thisneedstobereciprocal.Ifyoufindyourfeelingsare
constantlybeingconsumedbytheirs,youmaybegintoloseyourselfandstop
attendingtoyourownneedsandemotions.Whilethesethreethingsare
oftenconfused,they’reactually
distinctfromeachotherand
allplayapartinconnecting
withpeople.SYMPATHYinvolvesfeeling
forsomeone.However–unlike
empathy–itdoesn’tmeanyou
activelyfeelwhatyouimagine
tobetheother’semotions.
Forexample,uponhearingof
thedeathofafriend’sfamily
member,youmightfeel
sorrythatthey’rehavingto
experiencepainandexpress
yoursympathytothem.COMPASSIONismanifested
ascareandconcernforothers,
andwhileitusuallyincludes
thedesiretohelp,it’sfurther
removedfromthosesuffering
thanempathy.Compassion
isexpressed,forexample,by
nursesandcareworkerswho
tendtothoseinneedandoffer
kindnessandreassurance.SYMPATHY, COMPASSION AND EMPATHY
EMPATHY involves actually feeling
with someone, putting ourselves in their
shoes. It can blur the line between the
self and the other, as our thoughts and
feelings are simultaneously our own
and what we imagine those of another
to feel like. More than just emotion,
empathy involves complex thought
experiments and imagination. For
instance, if you see someone at a traffic
light who’s begging for food or money,
you may be struck with thoughts of
what you imagine their life to be like.
You might begin to feel some of the
pain, exhaustion, humiliation and
sheer desperation you imagine them
to be feeling.
It’s important to acknowledge the
prevalence of imagination in empathy
because while highly empathetic people
are generally able to identify emotions
in others, they don’t always interpret
them correctly. They may be projecting
(decoding narratives using emotions
they themselves are feeling), skewing
the truth of the other person’s reality, or
might simply misinterpret the situation
and make incorrect assumptions.making you sick?