Your Family – September 2019

SEPTEMBER 2019 85

WELLBEING

THECOSTOFEMPATHY

A 2016 studypublishedinHealthPsychology

foundthatparentswhoconsistentlyexpressed

highlevelsofempathywiththeirchildren–those

who‘readilyengagedwiththeperspectivesand

strugglesofothersandexpendedphysiological

resourcestohelpothers’–weremorelikely

toexperiencechronicinflammation.Chronic

inflammatorydiseasesareamongthemost

significantcausesofdeathintheworld,according

totheWorldHealthOrganisation,andinclude

diabetes,arthritisandcardiovasculardiseases.

Studieshavealsofoundthatpeoplewho

regularlyprioritiseothers’feelingsabovetheir

ownareathigherriskofgeneralisedanxietyand

depression,andtendtoexperiencefeelingsof

emptinessandalienation.Extremelyempathetic

peoplearealsoathigherriskofexperiencing

exhaustionfromdeflectingtheirownfeelings,

resultinginalackofinternalresourcestoproperly

careforthemselvesandothers,losingtheability

toknowwhattheywantorneedforthemselves,

havingadiminishedabilitytomakehealthy

decisionsandlosingconfidenceinthevalidityof

theirownfeelings.

Excessiveempathyalsoputsyouatrisk

ofburningout.Forexample,researchshows

thatnurseswhoworkwithterminallyillpatients

areatanespeciallyhighriskofdeveloping

‘compassionfatigue’,acombinationofemotional,

physicalandspiritualdepletionassociatedwith

caringforpatientsinsignificantemotionalpain

andphysicaldistress.

Toavoidthistrap,it’scrucialtofindbalance

betweenthoughtsandemotions,andbetween

yourselfandothers.It’salsoimportantnotto

perceiveyourownneedsaslessimportantor

worthy.Theempathytrapoccurswhenwe

feelotherpeople’semotionssostronglyand

consistentlythattheybecomeentangledwith

ourown.Thisistrueinallsituations,whether

you’rereadingthenewsonlineandbecome

overwhelmedbyallthenegativityoutthereorare

drawninbyatragicstoryonFacebook.

Whenitcomestosocialmedia,theempathy

trapcomesnotonlyfromlearningaboutnegative

eventsviatheInternet:it’sfromtheoverwhelming

speedatwhichwecanconsumeamassive

volumeofnegativeinformation,leavingusat

constantriskofover-exposuretotheproblems

ofothers.Sometimesyouneedtodisentangle

yourselffromoutsideemotionsforthesakeof

yourmentalandphysicalhealth.

While being excessively empathetic can lead to problems, empathy

remains a necessary part of human connection and is an important

skill to develop. Though being overwhelmed by others’ feelings can be

harmful, practising empathy consciously and with care for yourself can

be intrinsically rewarding. For example, the same study which found

that excessive empathy in parents can lead to chronic inflammation

also found that the adolescent children of empathetic parents showed

better emotion regulation and less systemic inflammation. In addition,

empathetic parents were found to have greater self-esteem and purpose

in life. The key, then, is not to stifle your empathy, but to express it more

healthily. Find ways to give yourself a break from absorbing negative

emotions, which will enable you to empathise in happier, healthier ways.

FEATURE: CAITLIN GENG PHOTO: STOCK.ADOBE.COM

A HEALTHIER WAY TO EMPATHISE

PRIORITISE

Learn to say ‘no’ –

something which is

often difficult for highly

empathetic people to

master. As you’re so

attuned to the emotions

of others, you’re probably

used to pushing your

own needs aside to

attend to theirs. It’s

essential that you learn

to acknowledge your

own mental, emotional

and physical needs and

prioritise them, when

necessary. Turn your

empathy inwards, as

looking after your own

needs will allow you to be

more present for others.

KEEP GOOD COMPANY

Remove yourself from toxic company

and spend time with people who

bring you joy and show concern for

your wellbeing. You might also want

to avoid larger groups, which can be

overwhelming, and spend time with a

few close friends at a time until you’re

feeling stronger.

SOCIAL MEDIA DETOX

Take a break from social media

to avoid being flooded with

negative news. Limit your time

on social media apps to an hour

a day, delete the apps from

your phone or simply turn off

social media notifications to

make it easier.

SOLITUDE

Allow yourself time alone, away from

friends and family, when you can

contemplate your own emotions

and needs. Solitude is necessary

for shutting off, recharging and

reconnecting with yourself, without

having to navigate other people’s

feelings or perspectives.

CONVERT IT TO SYMPATHY

AND COMPASSION

Take a step back from distressing

or painful news and offer

care and support. Instead of

internalising or assuming the

feelings expressed by someone

in pain, try to convert excess

empathy to compassion and

sympathy: let them know you’re

sorry for the way they’re feeling

and ask what you can do to help.