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The new Cool Girl is thewoman who is so sure of her-
self, she’s able to own exactly
what she wants from her
partner. Easier said than
done, we know, especially
when you’re in the heavier
stages of a twosome and
there’s more at stake.
“People say they put off
difficult talks because they
don’t want to push their part-
ner, when really, they don’t
want to be criticized or jeop-
ardize the relationship,” says
Darlene Lancer, author of
Conquering Shame and
Co dependency. “So we hide
who we are, and what we
want, to be accepted by
someone else.” Not. Okay.
Before you can open up
about your desires (like mov-
ing closer to your fam), you
have to define them. Write
down something you want
but have been too afraid to
ask for, any feelings around it
(maybe you felt dismissed
previously), and why you feel
that way, says Lancer. Then
approach your S.O. “If they
won’t hear you out, that’s
good info.” You’ll find that the
person isn’t right for you or
that you need to work to-
gether to have constructive
convos about compromise.
Worthy intel, either way.
Inauthenticity
in Relationships
An Always-Available Mentality In our increasingly connected world, the quickest way to get more joy out of your work
and time off is to keep both of them truly separate—which means you have to lay down some hard rules, says Bruneau. Let your colleagues
know when you can and can’t be reached, and help yourself stick to those times by setting do-not-disturb features on email—say, before
8 a.m., after 6 p.m., or on weekends. You might even block off time on your calendar during the workday to focus on important tasks, so
your co workers know you won’t be responsive to messages during that chunk of time.
Letting go of the 24/7 mindset will make you more productive in the office and happier overall. “We resent things that zap momentum
from us,” says Bruneau. “When you set boundaries at work, you mitigate the resentment toward it and fight burnout.” If it feels scary, try to
think of email or calendar alerts like thoughts that pop up during meditation. “Let the notifications pass by, and refocus your attention on
what you really want to be doing at that moment.” The problem will still be there in an hour, when you’re actually on the clock. Trust.