100 / WOMEN’S HEALTH SEPTEMBER 2019TRUNK^ARCHIVEOwn your
performance.
Our gut reaction is to suppress
the memories, but that has a
rebound effect: “Experiments
have shown that if you try not
to think of polar bears, you will
think of polar bears,” says
S turm. Instead, play back the
whole scene so you don’t al-
ways stop at the most terrifying
point, Wild says. Said some -
thing awkward at a party? Tell
yourself, “Yep, that was an odd
moment, but I also had great
conversations and went home
feeling that I had a good time.”Learn the
real lyrics.
Just like you take artistic liber-
ties when you belt out your
favorite tunes, so, too, do you
do with ugly past events, zero-
ing in on certain details. And
when we dwell, it ’s t ypically on
the worst thing, and it’s biased,
Wild says. You need to help
your brain process the occur-
rence the way it truly went
down by recalling the little
realities you disregarded at the
time. For instance, think about
the fact that some people
around you didn’t notice.Download
a remix.
Put a fresh spin on your
track. “Reframing question-
able experiences in a positive
light—that they made you
seem more human and ap-
proachable—can make these
moments less cringeworthy,”
says Sturm. With this useful
strategy, known as cognitive
reappraisal, you recast an
emotional situation and tell
yourself it actually wa sn’t
such a bad thing to have expe-
rienced, says Matthew Fein-
berg, PhD, an assistant profes-
sor at the Rotman School
of Management at the Univer-
sity of Toronto.
Let me try it: Yeah, my
snot-bomb sucked at the time,
but I’m sure my visibly upset re-
action suggested to the celeb-
who-must-not-be-named that
I felt regretful about making
her uncomfortable, and that’s
a solid message to send.Sing it with me:
Then. Versus. Now.
This mental trick is all about
breaking the link between
what happened back then and
where you’re currently at by
calling out the contrasts, Wild
explains. Let’s say you keep
shivering about a mediocre
work presentation you gave
last week. Your then-and-now
might go something like
this: “That was then, and my
boss didn’t give me bad feed -
back even though it felt really
awkward. Now, I don’t have a
presentation coming up,
and if I did, I would prepare
differently. On the whole, my
boss thinks highly of me.”AW,
YOU’RE
MAKING
ME
BLUSH!
All those times
your cheeks
went warm
after a screw-
up? It’s a testa-
ment to the fact
that you’re a
good person,
studies show.
People who ex-
press feelings
of mortification
are viewed
by others as
generous, kind,
and moral, says
Matthew Fein-
berg, PhD, who
researches
embarrass-
ment and social
perception.
“By showing
this feeling,
you are letting
others know
that you have
no intention
of being some-
one who dis-
rupts the social
order,” he says.
So go ahead—
bask in your
abashment.
“In college I ran into my
track coach, and I thought
he was going to say,
‘How are you?’ Instead, he
said, ‘What’s the good
word?’ I blurted, ‘Good!’—
and wanted to die.”—Kristin
Canning, associate editor“I think back to a total
tantrum I threw at age 8
when my parents wouldn’t
let me have a sleepover.
I still feel cringe-y about it,
and I’m now in my 30s!”
—Amanda Woerner,
executive digital editor“When I was 11, I got to sub
into my fir st ba sketball
game. Someone passed me
the ball, and I made a
layup...into the other team’s
hoop. I still wince about
it 22 years later.” —Jordan
Galloway, fitness director“How I fir st far ted in front
of my now-BF of five years:
He hug ged me, and, well,
I squeezed out a lot of gas.
I still think about it because
he brings it up of ten.”
—Elizabeth Bacharach,
assistant editorGREATEST
HITS OF WH
My fellow editors can’t
get these flubs outta
their heads...until now.Cancelin
unwante g out the
d noise fo
starts w r good
ith refram
ing.