104 / WOMEN’S HEALTH SEPTEMBER 2019
JUANMOYANO/STOCKSY^UNITEDYou visit your gyno for your annual
exam, eat healthy to avoid disease,
and exercise to keep your body
strong, but what do you do to nur-
ture your relationship on a regular
basis? Just a guess: not a whole lot.
“Most of us operate in crisis mode
with our main connection, only
giving it sincere attention when
there’s a problem that needs fixing,”
says Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, a clinical
psychologist in Philadelphia. “But
a bond is like a garden: Even when
it’s doing well, weeds can grow
and overtake it.” Which is why the
uptick in “happy couples counsel-
ing”—seeing an expert long before
the thought of Splitsville ever
comes up—deserves applause. The
proactive approach can take a solid-
gold love to diamond-level strong.
Here, the top five lessons for all...
- ASSUME THE BEST
O pt i m i st or not, most of
u s tend to fi nd somet h i ng
personal in our partner’s
actions when they disap-
point us. It’s natural be-
cause, well, relationships
are personal. But 9 out of
10 times (if not all 10),
your person has no inten-
tion of upsetting you.
“Especially when we’re
already in an irritated
state, we have a hair trig-
ger for taking things the
wrong way and assuming
the worst,” says Gillihan.
(And yet when our part-
ner feels personally
offended or attacked by
something we do, we’re
often annoyed that they
don’t just let us off the
hook.) But keep in mind
t hat “so m a ny of ou r
reactions are based on
how we feel about
ourselves, versus how
someone else feels about
us,” as Gillihan explains.
So try this: In the morn-
ing, tell yourself, Today,
I’m going to choose the
most benign interpreta-
tion for whatever comes
my way. “This mentality
gives you the freedom to
get over yourself”—and
can set an example for
your significant other to
do the same, he says. The
result? You both can fo-
cus on all the good—and
b ou nc e back fa st f rom
any moments of acciden-
tal “bad.”- STOP SHOULD-ING
ON EACH OTHER
Should is perhaps the
worst word in the English
language, at least where
relationships are con-
cerned. “It creates a sense
of injustice—that some-
thing ought to be different