I
INSIGHTS> TELLTALES146 YACHTINGSEPTEMBER2 019steve^
haefeleA
news clip about
a new high-end-
condo project
caught my eye
recently. The development
is buried in a former mis-
sile silo. Apparently, folks
are investing big bucks to
be last in line on Judgment
Day. Zombies. Sharknadoes.
They’ll be buried alive in style.
¶ I debated the opportunity
with my boatbuilder pal, Ed.
¶ “Remember Bert the Tur-
tle?” I asked, recalling the
fi lm that U.S. schoolkids were
shown in the 1950s. “While we
ducked and covered, smart
guys peddled private civ-
il-defense shelters.” ¶ “It’s a
luxury market these days,” Ed
observed. “A dumpster buried
in the backyard won’t cut it.”
¶ “Exactly,” I replied, won-
dering if it might be smart to
ride out the apocalypse at sea.“Why not a traditional yacht?”
¶ Ed was skeptical. “A trawl-
er?” he asked. ¶ “More tradi-
tional,” I suggested. ¶ “Good
God, Coyle. Not a damn sail-
boat!” ¶ “Nope. I’m thinking
an ark.” ¶ “Been done. I just
saw an ark on the news,” Ed
said. “Something about rain
damage. I guess they don’t
build ’em like they used to.”
¶ I pointed out that the build
making headlines was a replica
of a somewhat dated design.
¶ “I’m not criticizing the de-
signer or suggesting that aof that. It all adds up,” Ed said.
¶ “Pets would be up to the
owners, of course,” I said.
“These days, they’d likely
bring nothing along they
couldn’t stuff in a pocket-
book: small mammals such
as miniature terriers. It’s a
new demographic.” ¶ “And ifsheep herder was any less
capable than a boatbuilder,
but we’ve learned a lot in
4,000 years,” I said. “Just
imagine what we could do
with modern composites and
gyrostabilized, fuel-effi cient
hull forms.” ¶ “And the
animals: two of this and twothey insist on elephants and gi-
raff es?” Ed asked. ¶ “Onboard
composting,” I replied. “In one
end, out the other. Biofuel.”
¶ “You know, a fella built a
large yacht for just that pur-
pose in the 1980s,” Ed said.
¶ I recalled a client of mine who
had also built such a boat. She
had three diesels and a belly full
of fuel. ¶ “Ed, I’m not simply
noodling another hardened
mega-yacht with panic rooms,
security teams and escape
pods,” I replied. “I’m propos-
ing a new yachting lifestyle.”
¶ Ed wasn’t convinced. “Prepper
yachting?” he quipped, refer-
ring to doomsday survivalists.
¶ I suggested that we take a
page from the folks pushing the
subterranean luxury lifestyle
on TV. ¶ “Tell me something,” I
said. “What do you call a condo
with a swimming pool, a mov-
ie theater, a health club and
a video game center?” ¶ “It’s
buried underground, Coyle,”
Ed replied. “It is what it is.”
¶ “No,” I said. “It’s second home
for weekend getaways on the
prairie somewhere in Kan-
sas.” ¶ “God didn’t tell Noah
to build a condo, so perhaps
you’re onto something,” Ed ad-
mitted. ¶ Exactly. The plumb
bow has already made a come-
back, and 300 cubits is more
than enough real estate for a
pool, a rock climbing wall and
a helicopter pad. Why wait for
the water to come to you? NEO-NOAH
Doomsday preppers and the modern-day luxury ark.
by jay coyle
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Apparently, folks are investing big
b u c k s t o b e l a s t i n l i n e o n J u d g m e n t D a y.
Zombies. Sharknadoes.