When I started to work toward my
Ph.D. 5 years ago, my mindset was
completely different. I believed we
are defined by results. So, when I
made the painful decision to leave
my first Ph.D. program after spend-
ing my first year battling depres-
sion, anxiety, and disordered eating,
I couldn’t help but see myself as a
failure who was incapable of han-
dling the challenges of graduate
school. Despite knowing that my
mental illness was neither a sign of
weakness nor my fault, I felt as far
from amazing as humanly possible.
My love for research persisted, but
I would need to make significant
changes if I was ever going to thrive
in academia.
I chose to continue my Ph.D.
studies at my undergraduate insti-
tution, where I would be closer to
family, friends, and familiar support networks. But my myo-
pic pursuit of the perfect CV still left me unfulfilled, end-
lessly chasing outcomes that I expected would finally make
me feel like a “successful” scientist.
That started to change when one of my classmates in-
vited me to run a half-marathon. I had never run a race
that long, but I decided to give it a go. I wasn’t the fastest
finisher—far from it. But I was immensely proud that I had
the courage to venture into unknown territory. For the first
time in my life, I realized that embarking on a challenge can
yield fulfillment, regardless of the outcome. I was hooked.
Less than a year later, I was racing ultradistance trail events
of up to 50 miles.
As any ultrarunner will attest, the highs of endurance
sports do not come without extreme lows, too. By partici-
pating in a sport where setbacks are more common than
successes, I developed a new relationship with failure. Per-
haps it seems paradoxical, but when a hip injury forcedme to walk at the end of a recent
50-mile race, my slowest miles were
accompanied by my biggest smiles.
Earlier in my Ph.D., when ex-
periments failed to support major
hypotheses, I would shut down,
unwilling to consider the possibil-
ity that embedded in the setback
was an opportunity to try some-
thing new. These days, I still don’t
like getting negative data. Who
does? But I have become more re-
silient, perceiving obstacles as es-
sential to achieving growth and
finding meaning. The adage in ultra-
running is that a race is “life in
a day,” because of all the highs
and lows an endurance adventure
brings. I prefer to think of a race as “a
Ph.D. in a day.” Embracing this way
of thinking has been transformative.
But I know that many of my fel-
low scientists struggle to acknowledge missteps or vulner-
ability, as I once did, which makes it far too easy to feel
alone in “failing.” This is why I now end my talks with a
“YOU ARE AMAZING” slide. To be amazing does not re-
quire achieving recognition, awards, or major publications.
To be amazing is to have the courage to embark on a scary,
uncertain adventure and journey into the vast unknown.
When this slide comes up, many audience members give
an unmistakably authentic smile. Some talk to me after-
ward; others send messages thanking me. I’ve even received
a few hugs along the way. Of course, some may quietly scoff
at the slide. But they, too, are amazing. jMikel Haggadone is a Ph.D. candidate at the University of
Michigan in Ann Arbor. He runs with the SWAP Adventure
Team and the nonprofit organization Bigger Than The
Trail, which advocates for mental health. Send your career
story to [email protected].“To be amazing is to have the
courage to embark on a
scary, uncertain adventure.”
How running redefines success
Y
OU ARE AMAZING.” Those three words adorned the final slide of my most recent Research
in Progress Seminar, which Ph.D. candidates in my program give annually to fellow students,
postdocs, and faculty members. It’s an unconventional way to end a scientific talk. The inspira-
tion comes from my experiences as an ultrarunner—an athlete who completes runs longer than
a standard marathon. The core philosophy of the team I run with—the Some Work, All Play
Adventure Team—is that the courage required to pursue any scary adventure is to be celebrated,
independent of the outcome. This mentality has helped me tremendously in both my professional and
personal pursuits, but it’s all too rare in the scientific community.By Mikel Haggadone
ILLUSTRATION: ROBERT NEUBECKER”
718 16 AUGUST 2019 • VOL 365 ISSUE 6454 sciencemag.org SCIENCE
WORKING LIFE