Cosmopolitan USA – September 2019

You find out that your Etsy-shop-

owning roommate attempted to fix

the hole with plaster and a shower

curtain. It didn’t work. So...

This day was a one-way

ticket to Crazytown, but

you dealt with it like

a queen. You can call

yo’ mama to give her

something to brag about

when she runs into your

high school ex’s mom.

END

When you get to

your desk, you

have five voice

mails from the IRS.

Congrats, you’re

getting audited!

Walking to your car,

you feel your phone

heat up in your bag.

It’s actually, um,

on fire?! You didn’t

even know that

could happen! You:

B.

I finally realize my

Virgo and her Aquarius

don’t mix (pro tip: check

out p. 74). “ Hey, Mom,

can you pick me up?”

END

B.

I google

“how to

move to

Mexico.”

GO TO 8

A.

Stomp on it in the

parking lot and pray

for all my lost contacts

and passwords. Do I

even know my mom’s

number anymore?

GO TO 9

A.

I channel my inner Joanna

Gaines and calmly tell the

roomie she’s not allowed to

play Fixer Upper anymore.

GO TO 5

A.

I google “IRS scam?”

and get lost in a black

hole of #Scamtent so

good I won’t be doing

actual work today.

GO TO 7

B.

Risk burns to save my

bb. I’d do anything for

my children, okay?

And my mom. Gotta

call her to say ILYSM!

END

Turn right around.

I’m heading to

McDonald’s and

then buying a new

phone...to call Mom.

END

The IRS goes silent, but

of affirmation and the

definition of tax fraud.

END

You’re walking into

your apartment, ready

to de-pants and have a

Housewives marathon,

when you spy your ex

by your door. You...

4

5

7

8

9

6

W

ou

ld*

your*mom

pull

ascam

for

yo

u?

AdultingEdi

tion!

September 2019 Cosmopolitan 29

GE

TT

Y^ I

MA

GE

S.