Cosmopolitan USA – September 2019

Dumping/getting

dumped is shitty,

but your life isn’t over—it’s

just beginning. Watching

How to Be Single on

Amazon Prime will make

you want to hike the Grand

Canyon by yourself...and

then join Tinder.

Watch The

Notebook on

YouTube (you = sad hermit

crab, and that’s okay).

You need girl time

like Taylor Swift

needs T-shirts with cats on

them. Grab your BFF and

two pints of ice cream

before streaming the LOL-

till-you-ROFL Pen15 on

Hulu—you deserve it.

There’s a podcast

called Guys We

F****d. Listen to it.

Customize your

breakup playlist

from head to toe, starting

with anti-love song “I’m so

tired...,” by Lauv and

Troye Sivan, and ending

with Halsey’s slow- burn

fuck-you “Without Me.”

You’re in the mood

for a li’l rebellion!

Just FYI: This ~wild streak~

comes from a dark place,

so watching teens rip off

celebs in The Bling Ring

(on Amazon Prime) is def a

safer bet than drowning

yourself in alcohol.

Nice Is Just a

Place in France,

by The Betches, gets a

spot, front and center, on

your nightstand.

The soundtrack to

your life (right now)

starts with how-could-you

screamer “Drive,” by

Miley Cyrus, and ends

with “Lay Me Down

(acoustic),” by original

Ex-bae WHOMST? sadboi Sam Smith.

So...why’d you split?

I may have

overreacted

slightly when

he was late to

our Euphoria

marathon.

What’s the

politically

correct way

to say “HE IS

CANCELED”

in 2019?

He’s moving

to Africa

(or okay,

just away).

START

*dr y-

heaves into

paper bag*

I can’t tell if

I’m smiling

or crying? Is

cry-ling a

thing?

Did you want to

break up?

2

1

How have you handled stuff

like this in the past?

1

Immediate

regret and a

very incrimi-

nating plea-

mail that will

exist in my

nightmares

for the next

16 - plus years.

3

Do espresso

martinis count

as breakfast?

4

I take myself

on vacation

and post

endless thirst

traps. It’s

revenge szn!

5

Laughter is

therapy.

Nothing like

pushing your

emotions so

far down, you

can’t feel

warmth!

It takes some

time, but I

always get

through it.

7

6

8

S a f e A F i n t h e

arms of my

squad

members—

this is a job for

the A-Team.

Where is your happy place?

Alone in my

bed cave

(featuring

Doritos

crumbs).

Going on

solo

adventures

to “find

myself.”

Can’t hear

you over

the sound of my

COMEBACK.

It’s happening. You and bae are officially donezo, and there’s no turning

back. In the midst of this angsty split, you’re not sure you’re gonna

make it. Except you will, with the help of some gas-station rosé, multiple

screens, and these cure-all entertainment recs.

PRESCRIBE

WHAT

WE

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

The perfect

plan for getting over

u

p

By SAM FEHER

PO

P-CULTURE

CA

RE PACKAG

E

your break

34 Cosmopolitan September 2019

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