Cosmopolitan USA – September 2019

This is how astrology

actually works

Hand this riiight on over

to your astro-skeptic friend.

By JULIA PUGACHEVSKY

espite the

fact that

astrology

has been

around for millennia,

it’s still picked apart

by doubters every-

where. We’ve pre-

pared your airtight

counterargument for

the next time someone

mocks your horoscope

obsession.

There’s a rea-

son people have

believed in it for

a long-ass time

Around 2400 BCE, the

Babylonians created a

system to measure

seasons and celestial

events. They recorded

astronomical obser-

vations on clay

tablets, noting plan-

etary movements and

weather changes

and drawing con-

nections between

the two. They inter-

preted those links as

messages from gods.

The rainy season in

Babylonia consistently

occurred during Feb-

ruary, aka Aquarius

season...so Aquarius

became known as the

Water Bearer. Later

on (but still forever

ago), around 700

to 500 BCE, more

personalized

horoscopes were

introduced, with

King Ashurbanipal

of Assyria relying

on daily astrologi-

cal reports to rule.

(Honestly, he was

probably a Cancer.)

It’s meant to

be symbolic,

not literal

While astrology is

always evolving,

its general frame-

work remains the

same: This is a POV-

based ideology that’s

intended to loosely

predict certain events

based on how the

world has behaved

during planetary

movements in the

past. Translation:

The planets are not

*actual* puppeteers

controlling your every

move from the sky,

but “astrology is a

tool that can tell you

what’s going on with-

out being the root

source of everything,”

says astrologer Chris

Brennan, who com-

pares it to a clock.

“The clock isn’t the

reason it’s 9 p.m.,

it’s just a tool that

reflects that.”

But okay, here’s

some legit science

Lots of research does

show a tie between

birth seasons and per-

sonalities. One Finn-

ish study with close

to 5,000 participants

found that women

born in the summer

sought more thrills

and novelty (hello,

Leos!) than their

winter-born counter-

parts did. And a study

from Japan showed

that people born

between December

and February ranked

lowest in agreeability

(um, Capricorns and

Aquariuses aren’t

known for keeping

their heads down).

Everyone finally

convinced? Great.

Next up: UFOs. JK.

(But they’re real too.)

HOW TO

SHUT DOWN

HATERS

WHO

SAY...

“My horoscope is

never right.”

“Horoscopes are

based on a language

of archetypes,”

explains astrolo-

ger Annabel Gat.

“They don’t take into

account every unique

placement in your

chart” like rising and

Moon signs. Also, she

notes, they’re inter-

preted by real, indi-

vidual people, who

will naturally give you

different takes!

“Allegedly I’m a Leo,

but I actually hate

attention.”

That’s because you

are more than just

your Sun sign. “Even

if you share the exact

same birthday as

someone, if you were

born at 2 p.m. and

the other person was

born at 3 p.m., your

whole chart would

be shifted,” says

Cosmo astrologer

Jake Register.

(TBH, you’re totally

a Cancer Moon.)

“Horoscopes are so

vague that they could

apply to anyone.”

Daily horoscopes

focus on your sign as

a whole, says Bren-

nan. And as you just

learned, two Virgos

could be born weeks

apart with drastically

different placements

of the Sun and other

planets. All astrolo-

gers can do is their

best to generalize.

VIRGO

Immediately

type out a to-do

list in your Notes

app. Trust.

LIBRA

Finally clean your

bedroom (okay,

just buy new

pillows).

SCORPIO

Frantically

scrawl all your

stress into a

journal.

SAGITTARIUS

GTFO of town...

or staycay with a

weekend Netflix

bingeathon.

CAPRICORN

Go HAM

at the club

with your

crew.

AQUARIUS

Volunteer at an

animal shelter

and hug, like,

57 dogs.

PISCES

Splurge on

those Lizzo

tix you’ve

been eyeing.

d

TheMoonisn

’tfl

oa

tin

g

ar

ou

nd

up

eh

er

of

nr

hto

!gni

!!

September 2019 Cosmopolitan 73