Cosmopolitan USA – September 2019

ot even 24 hours after

our tearful breakup,

my ex had a fresh pro-

file up on OkCupid.

“Um, isn’t this

your guy?” my friend

texted, sending me

a screenshot of the

evidence. The dude

couldn’t even wait a

full business day to get

back out there?! Ugh,

it totally wrecked me.

After our final

good-bye convo, I pic-

tured myself spending

time self-reflecting. I’d

dip into two or three

emotional pizzas, sign

up for my first yoga

class, and slowly real-

ize some truths that

would make the mem-

ories of my ex fade

and my single, con-

fident vibes grow. It

would be so tragic, so

emo, so beautiful!

But cool, my ex

would be spending

this time grabbing

drinks with hot dates.

I immediately felt

like kindred spirits

they move on to the

next so fast that no

one notices they’ve

been burned.

On the flip side,

women are usually

urged to let it all out.

(Picture a post-Warner

Elle Woods with

mascara tears run-

ning down her face.)

QQ:

Guys,

do you

honestly

think

you move

on too

fast?

The dude couldn’t even

wait a full business day

to get back out there?!

“After a breakup,

I want to be

distracted

immediately

and validate my

ego by going

on dates. That

being said, my

first major

girlfriend still

crosses my mind

every couple of

months—and

that was almost

10 years ago.”

—HUNTER, 29

“I definitely

didn’t process

the breakup

faster than my

last female ex. It

took me about a

year or so to get

over it. To me,

there’s a part of

me that never

truly lets go of a

breakup.”

—JULIAN, 28

“As an extrovert,

I’ll rebound

pretty quickly.

That said, it’s

taken me a lot

of work in

therapy to

actually feel like

I’ve ‘gotten over’

serious

breakups,

learned from

them, and

moved on

healthily.”

—DAVID, 33

with Ariana Grande,

Anna Faris, Miranda

Lambert, and all the

other women who

have watched their

exes move on to new

relationships faster

than they could sign

them out of their

Hulu accounts. Like,

why??? Why do half

of all women take up

to three months to get

over a breakup, while

men just...seem fine

right away?

It’s because they think

it will help them get

over you.” And (atten-

tion: men) it probably

won’t. Another 2015

study by Binghamton

University and Uni-

versity College Lon-

don found that while

women report higher

levels of emotional

and physical pain

after a breakup, they

actually have an over-

all easier time recov-

ering. “Men, on the

other hand, never fully

do—they simply move

on,” wrote the study

authors. (And guess

who gets to deal with

that baggage? Yep,

their rebounds!)

I’m still stewing

over my ex replacing

me so easily. But if

science says it’s bet-

ter to admit that than

suppress it, my pizza

and I are gonna be

just fine.

FYI

:Hisa

nticsare

hidi

nghissadness.

Because guys have

been socialized not to

take heartbreak hard,

explains Jordan Madi-

son, a licensed mar-

riage therapist. Sure,

some may talk about it

while shooting hoops

with their friends or

sulk alone on their

couches, but most tend

to follow the “man up”

advice they’ve been

fed since childhood.

To preserve their egos,

Society has reinforced

that expressing our

feelings is our forte.

“We’re given the time

to mourn, cry, and

process our emotions,”

explains Madison.

So wait, should we

feel kind of...sorry for

guys? Their surface-

level fix def isn’t doing

them any favors, says

Jeannie Assimos,

chief of advice at

eHarmony. “Men are

more likely to rebound

with another woman,

but it’s not because

they didn’t love you.

September 2019 Cosmopolitan 83

HE

X.

/S

TO

CK

SY

.

lust