ByASHLEY^MATEO1
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Ifyou’renot^ sure^howtoDTRbesidescallingit“athing,”^you’reprobs^inasituationship.^
Maybe^you’rehaving^sleepoverswith^thisperson^three^timesaweek^butyou^forgettheyexistwhenMomasks^ifyou’redatinganyone.Or^maybeyou’re^sliding^intoeachother’sDMs^dailybut^ you^haven’t^actuallyhit^the^Followbutton^yet.Sound^familiar?Ittakes^six^weeks,^onaverage,for^newcou-ples^toputanykind^oflabelontheir^relationship,^according^toarecentsurvey^fromsextoy^brandEdenFantasys.That^ is,ifyou^wantto^be^official^ at^all.Maybe^The^SafetyCrushworks^justfine^for^you,thankyouvery-much.^
Here,the^full^castof^charactersyoucouldbe^dealingwith.1TheSexSnackYou^two^havebeen^hooking^upagain,andagain,^ without^ developing^~feelings~.Maybe^you’renot^ lookingfor^a^relationship,or^perhaps^you^justwant^ to^explore^some^newkinks.^ E
itherway,^you^bothknowwhat’sup^and^keepthingsstrictlybetween^the^sheets.^
2TheFreePassWhetheryou’reblowing^uptheir^phone^orvice^versa,the^onlywordsyou^two^exchangeare“u^up?”Thishappenswhen^one^ofyouis(a)^ drunk,^ (b)lonely,^ or^ (c)both.There’s^noneed^for^romance...yourbodiesaredoingthe^talking.3TheBenefriend^Sure,^ things^get^ physical,^but^ you’reprobablygoingouttobrunch^the^nextdaytoo.Youtrust^ this^personenoughtoaskfor^their^opinion^onyourdateability^(even^when^you’renaked)andknowtheywon’t^be^botheredor^ jealous.^
4TheSidebar^You^hit^ each^other^upfor^ self-esteemboosts^whenever^the^peopleyouactuallylikedipout.^
They’llsayyoulookamaze^and^howthatmatchwasan^idiot^ to^ghost^ you.^
You’venevergone^pasta^“thankyou”^make-out^ tho.^
5TheImaginaryEffNotonly^are^you^intoheavysext-ing^and^gettingintodeep^convosoveriMessage,^ butyoualso^ask^eachotherhowyour^work^presentationswent.^The^problem?^It’s^all^onyour^ phones.IRL^hangs^are^rareor,^ eep,^ have^never^ happened.1 324“I’mon^my^third^drink,^ WYD?”lust
86 Cosmopolitan September 2019