THE ANGRY MAN
I love an empty car
park, me..There’s no chance of random shoppers
ambushing you with out-of-control
trollies, no squeezing into tight spaces
between two Range Rovers who’ve left
just ever so slightly less room between
them than a normal car could need, and
if there’s no-one about there’s always
the possibility of fl icking off the traction
control and testing out your rear tyres
in a few scientifi c rapid circular motions.
(It’s all in the name of safety and research,
offi cer). But there’s one thing that
always, always happens when you park in
an empty car park. By the time you get
back to the motor after you’ve stocked
up on Pot Noodles and cherry cola, you’ll
fi nd that some berk has parked right next
to you.
Why? Why do they do this? In a whole
empty sea of spaces they could choose
to leave their car anywhere they want,
and they decide to stick it right bloody
next to yours. What’s that all about?
There’s no-one else around. Do they
think there’s safety in numbers? Are
they so shit at driving that they need
to triangulate their parking manoeuvre
against another vehicle to stop them
going in all crooked? Do they simply
lack the imagination and mental acuity it
takes to complete the delicate and tricky
task of choosing their own spot?
No, I’ll tell you why they do it. It’s
because they’re total bastards. That’s
why everybody does everything.WHAT’S ON AUGUST 2019
BMW M8 ISN’T PRONOUNCED ‘BMW MATE’
It’s also the most expensive M car ever. There’s
no denying that the M8 Competition is a looker, even
if it is part of BMW’s new design conspiracy to fi t every
model with absolutely the biggest pair of kidney grilles
possible, and the Bavarian marque is positioning
it squarely in the luxury sector. Pricing starts at a
bowel-loosening £123,435, for which you get a
625bhp 4.4-litre V8 (0-62mph in 3.2s!), all-wheel drive,
395mm brakes, plush leather seats with ‘perforated
3D quilting’, the ‘Hey BMW’ personal assistant system,
and several thousand miles of wiring, probably. Is it
a proper M car? Most defi nitely. But it does weigh
almost two tonnes, so it’s not exactly a featherweight...
still, at 123 bags, it’s not something we’ll ever have to
worry about.4th August
Ford Fair –
SilverstoneUP FRONT Project OveRland•Murray’s T.50• Test Drive•Appreciating Depreciation•Citroën 100• BMW M8•What’s On• Angry Man
31st August –
VauxFest– Billing3rd-4th August – The
BIG Summer Weekender- Crail Raceway
8th-12th August –
International Mini Meeting- Easter Compton
9th-11th August –
Ultimate Street Car- Santa Pod
11th August– RADwood- Goodwood Motor Circuit
11th August –
London Cartel
International –
Haywards Heath18th August – Mini in
the Park – Mallory Park18th August – Simply
Mercedes – Beaulieu26th August–Porsche
Night–Ace Cafe30th August –
Edition38–
Overstone Park