Page 45femailMAGAZINE 45
Daily Mail, Thursday, August 8, 2019BOHO CHIC
IN EVERY row, you’ll find items
that co-ordinate perfectlyTOP ROW
Coat, £59.99, zara.com
Dress, £185, johnlewis.com
Top, £14, johnlewis.com
MIDDLE ROW
Blouse, £32, warehouse.
co.uk; Brown sandals,£69.95, massimodutti.com
Trousers, £175, lkbennett.com
BOTTOM ROW
Skirt, £230, irisfashion.co.uk
Bag, £395, coach.com
Overshirt, £49.99, zara.com
AMY KESTER1 trend, 3 styles
Style Sudoku
Wide-leg jeans, £130,
jigsaw-online.com Styling: AMY KESTER1
THESE high-rise, flared jeans
(£265, J Brand at trilogystores.
co.uk) create a flattering
silhouette. They’re the perfect
mix of rigid fabric and plenty of
stretch, to create a comfortable,
yet stylish, fit. To elongate your
legs even further, pair with high
heels or ankle boots.2
TRY this updated version
of the classic ‘Mom’ jeans
(£35, riverisland.com). The
subtle rips add a modern twist
to the style, while turn-ups
show off your ankles and work
well with both heels or trainers.
Pair with anything from a simple
tee to a chunky knit, depending
on the occasion.3
CUT from non-stretch denim,
these mid-wash jeans (£95,
whistles.com) sit high on the
waist and have an exaggerated
barrel-leg silhouette that sits on
the ankle. To emphasise your
waist, tuck in a blouse or fine
knit and, for weekends, go big
and cosy with a chunky jumper.DENIM JEANS
Bird, 39, has also banned certain
words from her Hertfordshire home,
which she shares with her project
manager husband Simon, also 39,
and their daughter Ottilie, aged
four-and-a-half.
‘We never say “no”, as it doesn’t
mean anything, and there’s no such
thing as a “naughty” child,’ says
Emma. ‘Nor do I use the words
“good” and “bad” and I don’t believe
n reward charts to encourage a
child to do something.
‘If you label them as “naughty”, it
makes other people react to them
differently. There’s always a reason
why a child is acting up or having
a meltdown.’
S
HE adds: ‘If my daughter
tells me another child at
nursery “did something
naughty”, I’ll correct her
and explain that they just didn’t
know how to express what they
were feeling.
‘And if Ottilie touches something
when I’ve asked her not to, she’s
not naughty, she just isn’t develop-
mentally progressed enough to
recognise her mistake.
‘I remember once sitting on the
floor in Marks & Spencer while she
was having a meltdown and gently
saying: “It’s OK, we can sort
this.” Getting irate wouldn’t have
helped. Other shoppers stared in
disbelief at what they saw as me
ndulging her.’
Emma herself had a reasonably
strict upbringing — rather different
from her daughter, who attends a
Montessori pre-school where the
emphasis is on gentle parenting.
She acknowledges that there are
times when she has to walk away
to compose herself if Ottilie is
pushing boundaries.
‘If I can feel myself losing it, it’s
my own inability to manage my
emotions,’ she explains. ‘While we
don’t subscribe to “time out” or
“naughty steps”, we do have rules,
such as we don’t hit, kick or hurt
others or say horrible things.
‘If she does, I explain that it’s not
kind and ask her how we can sort
the situation.
‘I’ve learned to empathise with
my daughter, recognising that if she
lashes out, it’s because she’s tired
or overwhelmed.’
Biba Tanya, meanwhile, won’t
even say ‘no’ when her elder
daughter, Tabitha, five, ventures
into the cutlery drawer to get a
knife to cut up fruit.
‘I let her get on with it, having
explained any danger,’ admits
Biba, 38, who is also mum to Lola,
18 months, and Sebastian, 14, from
a previous relationship.
Mercifully, there haven’t been any
accidents, and Biba says Tabitha is
learning valuable life skills.
She and sister Lola are rarely
subjected to the words ‘no’ or
‘naughty’. ‘If they’re having a melt-
down, or simply not listening, I’ll
acknowledge they’re tired, hungry
or frustrated and ask them how we
can deal with it,’ says Biba, who’s
married to Kevin, 59, an engineer.
‘Kids aren’t naughty — they just
don’t know how to channel what
they’re feeling.’ But her approachhas attracted criticism. ‘Everyone
thinks I’m a lunatic hippy. Even
my husband struggles with my
parenting ethos at times,’ she
says. ‘He thinks I credit children
with wisdom beyond their years
and that they need to be kept in
line. His instinct would be to
issue a gentle threat, for example:
“If you don’t eat your dinner, then
you’re not going out to play,”
which is wrong, as the two things
aren’t connected.’
Yet Biba concedes there are
moments when a loud shout of
‘no!’ would be appropriate —
such as if one of her children
was in immediate danger.
Child psychiatrist and parent
coach Dr Victoria Khromova
points out that young children
have the capacity for only
simple discipline.
‘I often see well-meaning
parents trying to explain in
lengthy terms why some-
thing is not OK,’ says Dr
Khromova, founder of
Emerging Parent. ‘But all
they need to know is what
the simple family rule
is, such as: “Hitting is
not acceptable, Mummy
and Daddy don’t hit and
neither should you.” ’
Amelia Kennard, 25,
admits her devotion to
gentle parenting is, in
part, a rebellion against
her own childhood —
where ‘time out’ was
given for ‘naughtiness’.
‘I had a complex
childhood with parents
who had very different
approaches to parenting —
my dad was stricter and my
mum was passive, so I never
knew where I stood because
it was inconsistent.
‘I researched parenting
techniques, and the gentle
approach of treating children
like little adults made sense,’
says Amelia, who lives in
Bedfordshire with husband Joel,
also 25, who works in HR, and
their sons, AJ, who’ll be four next
month, and Forest, four months.
‘We don’t use the words “good”,
“bad” or “naughty” to describe AJ
or his behaviour, we don’t say “no”
to him and we don’t force him to
say “sorry” — he has to want to
say it himself.
‘If he hits another child, it’s
because he’s frustrated and, at
this age, children are more likely
to react physically.
‘But I’ll explain that he really
hurt that person and that they
won’t want to play with him.’
Refreshingly, and with wisdom
beyond her years, Amelia admits
gentle parenting isn’t easy —
either to implement or for others
to understand.
‘AJ is a stubborn little boy and
my natural urge is to shout when
he doesn’t listen to me, especially
when I’m tired. But I try not to,
because he just shouts back.
‘If I take a breath and explain
why he’s not allowed to do some-
thing, such as venturing into the
front garden on his own because
there’s a road next to it, then he’s
more responsive.
‘I don’t believe any child is
naughty. Mostly, they’re just act-
ing their age, and how will they
learn what’s right and wrong if we
don’t give them the space to make
their own choices and mistakes?’
Ollwyn Moran, however, sees
trouble ahead: ‘Our job as parents
is to create independent, capable
children by doing it incrementally
from a young age.
‘How are they are going to say
“no” to others in the future, for
example in risky situations, if they
haven’t had it said to them?
‘It’s part of an essential toolkit
that all children need to help them
make good decisions.’Composure: Natalie
Brown with Bluebell,
Marigold and Maximilian‘My
husband
says I’m too
soft’
Pictures: DAMIEN McFADDEN /
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