Daily Mail, Thursday, August 8, 2019 Page 51femailMAGAZINE 51
When Gill suddenly lost her
beloved partner, she thought
life couldn’t get any worse.
Then she found herself in a
financial and legal nightmare
simply because — like 3 .4 m
couples — they’d never wed
fees and is subject to inheritance
tax, which I thankfully didn’t have
to pay because our property was
in our joint names and I was under
the financial threshold. But
widows never have to pay it.
What’s more, if Paolo and I had
been married, I’d have automati-
cally received a benefit called
Bereavement Support, which at
the time was a lump sum of £3,500
and 18 monthly payments of £350
(it’s since been reduced). As it
was, I didn’t get a single penny to
help provide for Connor.
Other bereaved partners still
aren’t getting bereavement sup-
port payments — even though it’s
ten months since the Supreme
Court ruled that this is unlawful.
But the financial side of things
was only half of it. Every form I
filled out gave options for single,
married or divorced people. Our
relationship fitted into none of
these categories.
Absurdly, if I had been his ex-
wife, I’d have had more rights. I
lost count of the number of times
people said: ‘So, Paolo was single.’
Each time it felt like a dagger to
my heart.
My phone call to the Department
for Work and Pensions was
particularly distressing. The manI spoke to had a monotone voice
without a trace of sympathy. He
just kept repeating: ‘Was Paolo
married, single or widowed?’
When I said: ‘He was my partner,’
he just flatly repeated the same
three choices to me, until I lost
my temper and told him how
disrespectful he was being.
If Paolo had suffered from a
terminal illness, I could havemarried him prior to his death,
and had full rights as a widow.
But we never had that chance.
Perhaps, though, if others can
learn from my experience, it hasn’t
been in vain. It would be so easy
to educate people about this.
When unmarried couples go to
register a child’s birth, their lack
of legal rights should be explained
to them. According to data fromthe Office for National Statistics,
in 2017, there were 1.25 million
unmarried, cohabiting families
with one or more dependent chil-
dren in the UK.
The Cohabitation Rights Bill,
which aims to provide extra
protection for cohabiting couples,
is passing through Parliament
now, but its progress is slow.
Until that happens, I’d urge any
committed couple, especially
those with children, to get
married as soon as possible. You
don’t have to have a party or
wear a big white dress. It’s not
about the wedding, it’s about
being protected.
When I joined a group called
Widowed & Young (WAY) two
months after Paolo’s death, I met
many others in my situation —and far worse. I was lucky I had
savings to tide me over. But I met
people who had lost their homes
after their partners died, been
forced to move back in with par-
ents because they couldn’t afford
to rent on their own, or had to
claim benefits in order to survive.
The saddest thing is that Connor
will miss out on the most amazing
father. While I know I’ll never meet
anyone like Paolo again, if I ever
do have another serious relation-
ship, I’ll make marriage a priority
— and I’d urge anyone in that
position to do the same.
O If you find yourself in Gill’s
situation, seek advice from
citizensadvice.org.uk or find a
family lawyer near you.
INTERVIEW by Hilary Freeman.Loving dad: Paolo and Connor, and (inset left) with GillI never felt marriage
was important... until
the day Paolo died
Loving dad: Paolo andConnor and(inset left)withGillI spoke to had a monotone voice married him prior to his death,Picture: MURRAY SANDERSПОДГОТОВИЛА
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