40 july 2019
you. Growing up, 21-year-old Trinetra
Haldar Gummaraju, who is all set to
become Karnataka’s first transgender
doctor, never saw any difference be-
tween herself and other girls. It was
not until the 4-year-old Angad (Trine-
tra’s given name) was reprimanded by
a neighbour for wearing a makeshift
skirt using a dupatta that she realized
“there was something different about
my identity”. Harassment came in vari-
ous forms—being called ‘point five’
(half-boy), being humiliated by her
teacher for having a nose-piercing in
front of the entire class and even being
molested as a teenager. Having grown
up with “internalized transphobia”, up
until now, her biggest fear in life was
that she would somehow end up
“ragged, assaulted or dead”. Self-accep-
tance came to her when she told herself
that, It cannot be so bad if it feels so nat-
ural. She recalls, “I started participat-
ing in fashion shows and cross-dressing
and gender-bending. I was completely
out there.”Find Support
Growing up in England with Sri Lankan
heritage, Devi Clark often visibly stood
out from those around her. When she
was 10, a friend even commented on
her difference: “She said, ‘Before we
met, I never thought I’d be friends with
anyone brown.’” Although Clark now
thinks her friend was admitting an er-
ror in her own assumptions, what Clark
heard then was a rejection. Part of her
path to finding pride in non-conformitywas founding the Outsiders’ Network
in 2014, an online hub where anyone
who feels they don’t belong can read
stories and share their own. In a pod-
cast, Clark notes that there are a lot
of niche groups for particular kinds
of outsiders—from those with mental
health issues to those in a racial mi-
nority—but it’s useful to band together.
“There are common experiences across
all these groups with being stereotyped
and misunderstood and wanting to be
accepted,” she says.
Social psychological studies have
shown that feeling rejected from a
group triggers the same reaction in our
brains as being physically injured, so
a place for rest and recuperation can
be essential.
Having dealt with the isolation her-
self, Trinetra took to social media to tell
people struggling with their differences
that they are not alone and that it’s
possible to have a successful life. “Just
being yourself on a daily basis is revolu-
tionary on its own. Remember that you
are worthy of respect and love and that
things do get better,” she says. She adds
that joining the support group ‘Queer
Campus’ went a long way in helping
her find understanding and strength.Challenge Others
While being ourselves is one way of
challenging people, in some cases, in-
dividuals who are different must stand
up for themselves in a more formal
way. According to Gary Malkowski,
Canada’s first deaf parliamentarian andReader’s Digest