71Sex‘MUMOPENED UP
ABOUTHER OWN
QUEERNESS’
ArtistSam Roddick, 47, ran erotic
boutiqueCoco De Mer, before
becoming a politically charged
agitator.Her daughter O’sha
Roddick, 20, is currently based in
New York and studying journalism.
Sam Roddick: ‘Both my mum [the
late Anita Roddick, founder of The
Body Shop] and my grandmother liked
to shock. Mum extracted strangers’
sexual secrets with ease, and would
recount these for entertainment – the
more secrets she spilled, the more we learned
tokeep ourselves to ourselves. At home, sex
was a topic of hilarity that never got personal,
and at school our sex education was so
rudimentary,we’d done everything already.
‘WhenI was 19, I moved to Montreal and
met a queer community. At the time, I was
a sexually active teenager with very little
confidence. But they fully embraced their
bodies without shame: hair, curves, orgasms
were all pleasures to be enjoyed. Celebrating
my own sexuality became a personal right that led to much of
my happiness, and when I opened my ‘erotic emporium’ Coco
De Mer, we had three main goals: prioritising the teaching of
consent, embracing sexuality and pleasure as a natural form
of expression, and creating an accessible, inclusive space.
‘After O’sha [who identifies as queer and non-binary, and
usesthe pronouns they/them] was born, they moved fast,
walkingbefore the other kids and doing everything early. I felt
asthough they needed time to grow up, so I hid items from my
storein the basement, and just kept out a few pieces of decor.
‘I wanted to create a safe space for childhood to exist. As
O’sha got older and started having boyfriends, I tried to have
conversations about their sexuality. But, like most kids, they
absolutely didn’t want to discuss it with me.
The only way to avoid discomfort was by writing a letter full
of information. It talked about how to get to know your own
body, because a lack of confidence is the very thing that blocks
you from standing up for yourself. It told O’sha that sexuality
needs time, care and respect – boys also haven’t got a clue what
they’re doing, so always be guided by your own gut feeling of
what is right or wrong.
‘Once O’sha was older, they asked me to help some of their
friends who were having issues around their bodies. I always
felt privileged to be able to have that open relationship with
O’sha and their community. For O’sha to start to understand
themselves fills me with relief. I’m completely unbothered
withwhat gender or sex they are; I just care what kind of
person they are, and if they are cared for by others.’
O’sha Roddick:‘As a child, I grew up with pearl and glass
penises plastered across the walls and shelves, and I felt a lot of
shameabout that. When I was ten, Mum created some cornicing
out of hundreds of plaster vaginas laid side by side. I’d blurt out,
“Those are roses,” before anyone could question what they
wereseeing. I’d also get teased about a
TV show Mum hosted about sex
[Channel4’s The Joy of Teen Sex], so it
wasalways a touchy subject for me.
‘At 13, Mum talked to me about
masturbation instead of sex. She held
myhand and said, ‘Before you can let
anyone else feel good, you need to
feel comfortable with yourself.’ In
my embarrassment, I ran away and
avoidedher for the rest of the night.
‘When I lost my virginity, it was
a physically and emotionally painful
experience.For years, I had sex with
men, and constantly questioned how
anyonecould enjoy it – most of my
experiences were negative in some way.
‘But then, when I was 18, I fell in love with
a girl, which was the beginning of my sexual
journey.Once I started having sex within
a queer relationship, and accepted my
identity,I learned how beautiful sex can be.
‘A year later, I came out to Mum. We
discussed my fears about my gender identity
and how wrong it felt being labelled as a
woman, and Mum opened up to me about her
own queerness. Sex is only now becoming
something I can discuss, but as I’ve grown into my own
sexuality, I’ve come to love how open I can be with my mother.
‘The experiences we have shared have been a process of
teachingone another – the use of my pronouns has been
a learning curve for her, but it’s something she’s accepted. I’m
extremely grateful to have a parent who doesn’t shame me,
and encourages healthy ways of relating to my body and my
sexuality. My mum is filled with knowledge, and I’m very
proud to have her in my corner.’‘IGREW UPWITHGLASSPENISESPLASTEREDACROSSTHE WALLS’‘FRANKCHATS ABOUT
MASTURBATION ARE NORMAL’ArunaRamineni, 52, is a consultant gynaecologist, and
her daughter, Meg Kotikalapudi, 26, is a junior doctor.
Aruna Ramineni:‘Growing up in India, sex was completely
taboo in my culture. When I had my first period, Mum was too
uncomfortable to talk to me about sex, so she left me to learn
about it through reading. Even so, my mother, grandmother
and aunts were all sexual women who shared a lot of innuendo
and laughter – they just assumed I wouldn’t understand what
they were talking about because of my age.
‘I didn’t like the secrecy that surrounded sex. It felt wrong
not to discuss it openly, and I’m naturally quite an open
person. So when Meg was born, I didn’t want her to feel
uncomfortable about it growing up. I’d talk to her about
anything, without embarrassment, and it made us very close.
When she turned 25, I told her to get a smear test.
‘After Meg met her boyfriend – now her husband – we
discussed STIs and condoms, and she told me when they were
going to have sex for the first time. We’re also very open about
things like masturbation, and continue to have frank
discussions now Meg’s an adult. She’ll sometimes give me
far too much information about her relationship with her