Marie Claire UK - 09.2019

72

Sex ‘WEDISCUSS

MUM’SSEX LIFE

WITH DAD’

EuniceChang, 59, is

a radio host in Taipei,

Taiwan. Daughter Wan

Tseng, 31, lives in London

andruns WISP, a ‘sensual

tech’jewellery collection.

Eunice Chang: ‘Back in the

60s and 70s, sex education

wasn’t that open, so I guess

I was self-educated. What I

discovered about sex came

from books, and I wasn’t able to

bringit up with my mum.

‘I remember asking her if

sex would hurt, and she replied, “It won’t hurt if there’s love.”

Looking back, that was very good advice, and a lesson I wanted to

passon to Wan.

‘Whenit came to raising my own daughter, I was much more

open. Wan’s dad is a gynaecologist, so the house was full of books

about the human body. She had read them all by the time she was

ten, so when I tried to tell her about sex, she already knew about it.

‘Working in the media, I’ve kept in touch with the younger

generation’sviews on sex. I worry that more women are choosing to

staysingle – it’s a shame not to have children and a family, but it’s

also good that they don’t have to rely on a partner to support them.

‘I’m proud Wan is encouraging conversations about sensuality,

especially as it’s not very commonly talked about in Asia. It’s

important to spread the idea that it’s OK to discuss your desires with

a partner, rather than to grin and bear it. Sex gets better with age

because yougrow in confidence, and talking is crucial.’

WanTseng:‘Growing up, my house was a comfortable place to

talk about sex. Even though I was raised in Taiwan, where people

are often too embarrassed to discuss it, Mum’s very open-

minded. It was a bit awkward in the beginning, but after a while

it became more natural – we even spoke about her intimate

relationship with Dad, and she’d give me advice about drinking

water after sex to avoid getting a UTI.

‘Mum being so honest really influenced me. She’s a good

listener, and respects my boundaries – so I was, and still am, happy

to share a lot of my experiences with her. She’s very patient, with

a positive attitude, so I try to bring that into my own relationships.

‘I tell her whenever I go through a new experience, like when I

lost my virginity. Usually, she thinks I’m a bit too crazy. When

I talk about how open our conversations are, some people are

envious. But, ultimately, sexual relationships are about personal

choice – discussing sex with Mum hasn’t changed who

I choose to be with, it’s just made us closer.

‘I think, overall, my generation mostly has a healthy attitude

towardssex – women are open with their partners about their

desires, and have conversations about consent. But there isn’t any

focuson interactions before sex that trigger desire, which is why we

createdWISP. Since then, I’ve been even more open with Mum

about it – and it’s good to have those conversations.’■

For more information on sex tips and safe sexual health,

visit nhs.uk/sexualhealth

husband!Meg’sherown woman now, and I’m proud

that she has the grounding and confidence to make

good choices for herself.’

Meg Kotikalapudi:‘While Mum trained in obstetrics

and gynaecology, I lived with my grandparents. They

were strict about things, such as how I dressed and not

watching kissing on TV. By contrast, Mum was much

moreliberal and always tried to see our point of view.

‘We moved to the UK when I was 11, and she’d buy

books on human biology for me and my brother to read.

As a result, I wasn’t all that curious about sex, but knew

I could ask Mum about it if I needed to.

‘Having a mum who’s a gynaecologist was useful

when I needed advice about contraception, or I had

queries about my sexual health.

‘Mum is very different to other Indian parents

I know. She is much more open, which is something

that I have always appreciated. It is because of the

talks we’ve had that I’ve never had to sneak around,

and I’ve been safe in terms of my contraception and

avoiding STIs.

‘The first time I had sex it was a bit painful, and

I was worried I had vaginismus [which causes the vagina

to tighten during sex]. But when I told Mum, she said,

“Don’t worry about it; just relax”, and after that, it

stopped being a problem.

‘Sometimes, I’ll give Mum a bit too much

information about my sex life, just to see how she reacts,

but I’m only teasing. Having such a good relationship

with her has definitely improved my sex life and outlook

on relationships. We are much more like friends than

mother and daughter.’

‘I’MSTILL HAPPY

TO SHARE MY

SEXUAL

EXPERIENCES

WITH MUM’

‘BECAUSEOF OUR

TALKS,I’VE NEVER

HAD TO SNEAK

AROUND’

WORDS BY ROSIE MULLENDER AND O’SHA RODDICK. PHOTOGRAPH BY GETTY IMAGES. *SURVEY CONDUCTED BY LOVEHONEY