N
is forNOOKIE
THEfanny-crazed statesman
is estimated to have had it
off with more than 8,000 of his
friends’ wives. That’s more women
than porn actor Ben Dover(6,202),
rock star Axl Rose(1,706)and
wavy-armed seventies TV boffin Dr
Magnus Pyke(1)have fucked put
together.S
is forSTYLOPHONE
INHISmid-twenties, Johnson
became obsessed with the
idea of becoming a profes-
sional Stylophone player,
and returned to his former
musical tutor Rolf Harris to
take lessons. However,
he soon gave up after
displaying no aptitude
whatsoever for the
battery-powered,
wasp-sounding
electronic instru-
ment.O
is forOKAPI
JOHNSON
is one of the
few British Prime
Ministers who can
claim that they have
been bummed to near
unconsciousness by an
okapi. In 1992, while
working as the Euro-
peanParliamentary
correspondent of the
DailyTele h J hting up a performing troupe o
giraffe-like Congolese antelo
and visited Chester Zoo to se
easy it would be to train the
tricks. Unfortunately, while he
in their enclosure, Johnson’s
broke and his trousers fell do
allowing the 2-foot-cocked o
to mount him anally. The viol
agonising attack continued f
nearly twenty minutes until o
the zoo’s keepers fetched a s
ladder, which he climbed up
kicking the priapic animal up
arse, causing it to lose intereN
is for NIPPLES
LIKEJames Bond’s erst
nemesisFrancisco Scara
manga, some people are born
third nipple - known as polym
or a “witch’s teat.”We will prob
never know for certain how ma
ples Johnson has, because if h
ever questioned on
the subject, we
simply won’t be
able to believe
anything
the lying fat
fucker says.NextWeek: It’s All i
Namelooks at defea
leadership contend
JeremyCunt