Viz – September 2019

(Greg DeLong) #1
violent battles, where the winners enjoyed
glory and the losers paid the ultimate price.
It must have been fucking great.

Buthowdiditallwork? It’s time to step back
two millennia to the year 19AD and take our
grandstand seats in the stands above the action-
packed, blood-soaked epicentre of the greatest
empire the world has ever seen, to discover...

LOSSEVM

C


ROWDsafety was an
important issue every
time thousands of excited
Roman citizens crammed
into the Colosseum to
watch the spectacular
displays of mass-slaughter
taking place. Stewards were
employed to show blood-
thirsty fans to their seats
in the stands, and were
also on hand throughout
the games to watch out for
crowd trouble, keep the ex-
citable audience members
sitting in their seats, and
identify anyone who had
shouted something racist.
And no matter how exciting
the action taking place in
the Colosseum - whether it
was an enragedrhinoceros
going head-to-head with
two lions, or six blindfolded
Christians chained to a hun-
gry bear - the stewards had
to keep their backs to the
arena and their full attention
focussed on the crowd.

G


LADIATORSwere true sporting heroes; they were the ChristianoRonaldos, Lewis Hamil-
tons and Serena Williamses of the ancient world. And just like at sports stadiums today,
autograph hunters crowded round the Colosseum’s dressing room doors in the hope of getting
a signed memento
from their favourite
stars. However,
collecting gladiato-
rial autographs
was a particularly
unrewarding hobby
to pursue in ancient
Rome, as there was
only a slim chance of
fans actually meeting
their heroes after the
games, since half of
them left the arena
in bits, or inside the
belly of a lion. And
getting a signed me-
mento from the gladi-
ators who did survive
the games was still
unlikely, as only 5%
of Romans were
actually able to write
their own name.

T


HEgames
were held
primarily for the
fun and relaxation
of the spectators.
But they were
also places where
business was
done and deals
were struck.
And areas of
the stadium,
particularly those
with good views
of the sporting
spectacle, were
set aside for
corporate hospi-
tality. Here, wealthy businessmen, such as those who owned chariot dealerships, slave auction
rooms or wall-to-wall mosaic flooring warehouses, paid high prices for ringside seats and a
65-course meal with unlimited wine, in order to entertain important clients who paid scant
attention to the thrilling life-and-death action taking place in front of them.

N


OMODERNsporting event
is complete without a
streaker - a young sports fan
who, after a little bit too much
to drink, decides torun onto the
pitch in the altogether, much to
the amusement of the crowd.
And whilst nudity in ancient
Rome wasn’t quite the taboo it
is these days, authorities took
a decidedly dim view of anyone
disrupting the games. Any high-
spirited young citizen who ‘did
a streak’ ran the risk of being
caught up in the gory action,
being hit by a flying arrow or
savaged by a tiger. And if they
did survive, they would pay for
their thirty seconds of fame by
being castrated, crucified to
semi-consciousness, and then
daubed in pitch and set on fire.

Nextweek:
Who’sWhoand
WhatTheyDointhe
Miss World
BeautyPageant
Bra-Fitting Room
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