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A
fter multiple trips down to my favourite surf
spot, with all of the baby gear and a three-
month old, I sat in an exhausted heap under
the umbrella. As I sat there nursing in the
shade, I noticed all the guys I used to surf with running
out into the line-up with their surfboards. As I continued
to watch longingly as the fun summer waves went by, my
confidence diminished at the prospect of my first session
back in the water. I had a hard time remembering the
confident ocean woman I once was. After having to stop
surfing in my sixth month of pregnancy, I had been out
of the water for the longest stretch of time since I was 12
years old.
As odd as it may sound, until I got pregnant at 35, I
felt like I had been pushing my surfing harder in my 30’s
than in any other decade of my life. So when I decided to
have a baby, although I was excited, I was making a huge
decision to stay out of the water for a long period of time.
My favourite surf spot just happens to be one of
the most epic and therefore the most crowded on
our California coast. So, with the frothing crowds and
impending bigger winter swells, I figured it was best to
stay out of the water into my second trimester. This was
disillusioning for multiple reasons. Not only was my body
changing drastically, but I now also had to figure out who
I was outside of the surf world. I had been a surfer almost
all of my life. It was in my bones. It was deeply rooted in
my sense of self, the travels I had experienced, and the
people who were dear to me.
As someone who didn’t like competing with anyone but
myself, surfing was the only thing that truly ‘stuck’. Coming
from a family of non-surfers, it was unconventional. I
remember my first surfboard vividly. I had just turned 12
years old and was going through that awkward adolescent
phase of wanting to remain a kid, but also craving
independence, and envisioning surfing every day on this
board was the closest thing to freedom I could imagine.
Over the years surfing became more than a hobby,
more than a sport and more than a pastime for me. It
became the scaffolding for my confidence, my connection
with the natural world and a safe place that I could always
return to without any disturbance.
I chose my university, The University of California Santa
Barbara, based on its access to surf. My solo travels
to Australia, the Maldives and Seychelles, and other far
reaches of the world, were imprinted in my memory for the
exciting sense of discovery of the world and my place in it.
I thrived in the team environment on the UCSB surf team
and loved travelling near and far to compete in contests. Ieven ended up being the first female captain of the team
in 2003. Upon graduating from college, I lived abroad for
a while and taught surfing at the Manly Surf School in
Australia. There, I started writing articles for surf magazines
and reflecting on my own experiences as a surfer.
As I approached my 30s I settled back down into a
little pocket on the California coast with my partner and
received my Masters in Education. I went on to teach art in
the classroom and every school break and ‘time off’ was
allotted to a surf trip. Once I hit 35 years old, I realised I
needed to slow down and decided to become a mum, if
that was in the cards for me.
I never formally planned my timing for bringing a child
into the world, and somehow 35 years seemed to sneak
up on me. Although I knew I wanted to be a mum, I was
fiercely independent and surfing added to that longing for
freedom and flexibility in my soul.
Transitioning into motherhood has been the greatest
adventure of all. Crazier than all the heavy reef passes
in Tahiti or Fiji, and requiring more stamina and self-
knowing than ever before. It has also helped me grow
in unimaginable ways. It was through the experience of
sitting on the beach nursing my baby and missing the
ocean so profoundly, that I started the Soul Mammas
Podcast in 2018, and began to connect with a community
of mamas locally and all over the world. Hosting the
podcast has introduced me to many incredible women
who have inspired and expanded my inner geography. I
feel more connected and less ‘crazy’ for experiencing the
ups and the downs that motherhood brings.
Now my surf sessions are shorter and more hectic. I
am either racing to surf for an hour or bringing all the baby
gear with me and tagging with my partner. But guess
what? They are just as fulfilling as they were when I was
a 12-year old grom skipping down the beach with my
orange fun board, cheap wetsuit and huge grin!soul mamma
SURFER
30s
Californian surfer Nicole De Leon describes how the ups and
downs of motherhood affected her surfing life.