BYS TA NDE R
SOCIETYPHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGESThose who know Cameron well
say – anonymously, like everyone –
that ‘We don’t need to tell him it’s a
f**-k-up, because he knows it. He’s
really suffering.’ In fact, this source
adds, ‘Most of his friends are being
especially nice and protective, because
he’s having a terrible time.’
A terrible time, in that he feels,
‘mortified, really mortified’. But
mortification only goes so far. He’ll
emerge from 5 Hertford Street and
kiss a north Kensington neighbour
on the cheek. He’ll turn up at the
launch party for Imogen Edwards-
Jones’ The Witches of St Petersburg,
‘being mildly indiscreet and making
jokes about ex-colleagues – a bit onMay and a bit on Gove going to the
Mayr Clinic.’ He’ll go shooting in
Yorkshire and he’ll send teasing
texts to journalists. He’ll attend a
large summer party and josh with
political opponents, saying that
Theresa May never was a team
player and musing that maybe he
should have listened to the SPAD
who urged him to sack her, back in
the palmy days of his premiership.
That’s something he really misses,
according to an informal adviser.
‘He always enjoyed the job. When
things went wrong for Major, he
hated being PM. But David always
enjoyed it.’ Still, he did enjoy the
50th birthday party of his former ]AS THE CHELSEA FLOWER
Show cast its serene spell, Lord
Feldman, the one-time tennis
partner of David Cameron and
former Chairman of the Conservative
Party, was regaling floral fans
with his David-Cameron-in-Costa-
Rica story.
At last, said Feldman, Cameron
thought he’d got away from it all.
From the misery of writing his
political biography, For The Record.
From the imprecations of Danny
Dyer, castigating the ‘twat who
called it [Brexit]’ for ‘scuttling off...
with his trotters in the air’. From
the strangers who allegedly barge in
on his jogging to vent their anger at
the man they blame. At last he was
on an extended family holiday, the
beach idyllic, the ocean inviting.
And so he plunged into the sea, letting
the warm waters wash his troubles
away. Except that front-crawling
vigorously towards him was an irate
figure – a figure who cried, ‘Oy!
Aren’t you that David Cameron?
Yo u stupid f**king...’
That Lord Feldman thought it a
diverting anecdote is instructive.
Because the on dit has been that
Cameron was suffering the social
death of a thousand cuts. That basilisk
stares were being directed at him over
county dinner tables. That the stiffies
had all dried up. That, like Tony
Blair, he couldn’t go to restaurants- not, like Blair, for fear of a citizen’s
arrest, but because of the vitupera-
tion. That milkshake tossers lurked
in wait for him down every leafy
Oxfordshire lane.
Except they haven’t been. Yes, it’s
said that the EU-born staff at a Pret
No Cam do: front pages
of The Sun show
the pride before the falltatler.com September 2019 51PRIME SUSPECT
David Cameron leaving
Morton’s in Mayfair, May 2019near his London office refused to
serve him. Yes, that he’s stopped in
the street in W1 and verbally ‘gar-
rotted’, to quote one who’s seen it
happen. And yes, I did see a woman
upbraid him at a very large and very
smart Holland Park party that was
awash with Remainers – she did it,
she said, on her daughters’ behalf,
fearing she’d get ‘an earful’ from
them if she passed up the opportu-
nity. ‘I said something like, “This
is a bit of a f**-k-up.” And he
said something like, “Holding a
referendum was inevitable.” I said,
“I know that’s bollocks and you
know it too.” He looked awkward
and a bit embarrassed, and I felt
awkward and a bit embarrassed.
Because we’re British. And when I
got home and told my daughters,
they were horrified.’Is he in? Or out? After a thousand
social deaths, David Cameron’s
new memoir could be his last chance
at salvation, says David JenkinsIt ’s allabout EU09-19BYST-Society-DavidCameron.indd 51 15/07/2019 12:32